Normal //Ryan Metzger

23: big white bed

"Come on, Ryan," I said, clapping my hands together and ushering him to walk towards me.
   He gripped the bars of the walkway they had in the rehabilitation center of the hospital until his knuckles were turning white.
   "I...can't," he said, struggling to keep himself up. "It's too hard."
   "You've got it, Ryan. You're doing so good," I said, pushing him to continue walking towards me. He struggled, his face showing every inch of it, but he managed to move his left foot forward.
   "Yes!" I yelled, jumping up and down for him. "You've got it, now just a few more steps, cmon, babe," I said, forgetting that to him we weren't dating.
   He pushed himself and did three more steps. On the final step, he called for the nurse to bring the wheelchair in.
   He heaved himself into the chair, panting as he sat down.
   "That was so good!" I said, leaning over and kissing his sweaty forehead. "I'm so proud."
   "I'm not," He said, throwing the towel he had in his hands on the ground in frustration. It shipped through the air and landed with a thud, making me jump.
  "Why?" I asked, confused. "You are making progress and getting closer to getting cleared of rehab."
   "It's not that Lauren," he said, raising his voice a little bit. "It's the fact that I'm basically useless right now. I can't walk, can't remember us for shit, can't function without someone needing to be there."
   "Ryan, you just went through major surgery and a huge trauma. Your body just needs time to heal and in that time, you need to keep your strength up."
   "What strength?" He asked, getting frustrated now with himself. "I haven't gone to the gym in the month I've been cooped up here, I'm losing strength as the day goes by and it's taking a toll on me, big time."
   "Then lets go back to your room and get you relaxed then, you're just a little stressed," I said, but he wasn't having it.
   "I'm not stressed, Lauren." He said, raising his hand at me to stop me from talking. "I'm fucking useless."
   He wheeled towards the door of the rehab room and away from us all in here. I looked over at the nurse who was awkwardly standing in the corner, observing.
   "What should I do?" I asked, wiping my face with stress.
   "Honestly," She said, staying in her spot. "Let him get angry at himself, it'll push him harder to get him walking and running again."
   "You think so?" I said, getting up from my crouching position.
   "Oh yeah," she smiled. "Everyone goes through 'that stage' where they say to themselves they can't do it. He will come around. In the meantime, you need to show him how much you love and care for him."
   "Or," Natalie said, walking into the rehabilitation room. Her high heel pumps clacked on the hardwood floor as she walked, leaving an annoying sound following her. "She could just give up and stop trying to be Ms. nice girl all of the time to him."
   "What do you know, Nat," I said, crossing my arms in front of me.
   "What's best for Ryan," she said. "He doesn't need you babying him 24/7. He's a grown ass adult who needs to do all of this by himself."
   "What do you know what's best for him?" I said in her face. "I don't think cheating on him was the 'best thing' for him, don't you think?"
   "Oohhh," the nurse said from the corner of the room. When Natalie snapped around to give her a look, she covered her mouth.
   "Listen, Lauren," She said walking closer to me. "You don't understand what happened that night and you never will. You are just suppressing the fact that I should be with Ryan and not you."
   She was now almost overpowering me, leaning down on me. She leaned into my ear and whispered in it, sending a chill down my spine.
   "I mean," she said letting out a tiny laugh. "At least he remembers me."
She laughed and started towards the door, waving goodbye to the nurse. I stood there, not in anger, but in fear.
Ryan was the love of my life. His laughter, his smile, the way he danced a little dance while I played my records.
I couldn't hold back tears as her blonde perfectness exited the rehabilitation center.
"Honey," the nurse said as soon as she knew Natalie was out of earshot. "Can I put my two sense in here?"
"Sure," I said quietly, trying to wipe away a falling tear before she saw them.
"Don't waste your time on her," she said, getting closer to me. She rested her hand on my shoulder, giving me comfort. "Not your time or your tears, you've already done enough cryin' these past few weeks."
   I let out a laugh as I wiped another tear way that escaped my tear duct. I nodded my head, agreeing with her.
   "You worry about Ryan and your relationship, not that heathen, you've got that?" She said patting my shoulder. I nodded my head again, silent. "You can see it that Ryan is falling in love with you every day you show up and you're helping him make progress. I don't see Natalie in here helping him across the boardwalk. I don't see her bringing him warm meals or staying late talking to him about the things he can't remember. I see you doing that, baby girl. You."
   I busted out crying and falling into her arms slightly. He caught me and gave me a motherly hug, something I haven't had in awhile.
  "Thank you," I whispered, sniffling back.
   "You're welcome, baby," she smiled, pulling away from our hug. "Now go back up to Ryan and tell him that he's gotta do five steps before he takes you on a date."
   I laughed and waved goodbye to her, leaving the rehabilitation center.
*
   I walked into Ryan's room, him already laying in his bed. He had his headphones on and his laptop in front of him. I chuckled at this image. Even though he was in the hospital, he was still working hard.
   "You never stop," I smiled as I threw on my crew neck I had brought. It was always scorching in the rehab room but freezing up in Ryan's.
  "Hmm?" He asked, pulling a headphone away from his ear to hear me.
   "Um," I said sitting down. "I kinda have something for you?"
   "Is that my sweatshirt?" He asked smiling. "Did I give that to you?"
   "Yeah," I laughed, looking at the blue and grey sweatshirt he gave me ages ago. It didn't even smell like him anymore, but wearing it gave me comfort. He smiled and shifted in his bed to see me better.
   "So what's up?" He asked clapping his hands together. "Did you get me a new frontal lobe?"
   "No," I laughed at his joke. "I, uh, was actually supposed to go through your car, getting personal things out before it went to the junk yard."
   I pulled a tiny pink envelope that was stained brown from the back of my leggings.
   "I have been holding onto this for a few weeks," I said, looking at the envelope. The brown stains being his old blood. "I read it from time to time when I was losing hope or when I want to remember the 'old times' if you will."
   I handed him the card, the air in the room shifting quickly.
   He hesitantly took the envelope and scooted out a little paper card with 'happy birthday' written on it.
   He opened the card and a little pressed rose top fell onto his lap.
   "What's this?" He asked quietly, looking up at me with his beady eyes.
   "Just read it," I said with a smile, already choking back slight tears. He opened the card yet again and read his own handwriting.
    To my love,
               Happy birthday love. Today should be a national holiday where everyone celebrates Lauren Pearson all day. I try to celebrate you everyday and all day, and today I sadly failed.
              I know these stupid roses and this stupid dollar card won't make up for anything, but I hope, from the bottom of my heart, you'll forgive me. A world without my Lauren is a world I can't live in.
             I wish instead of this gesture I could give you everything in the world. A big white house with that big white bed and the big backyard with a big kitchen where we would make brownies and cookies with our three dogs at our feet. I wish I could give you that life right now, so I'm going to. You'll just have to wait and see.
                                                     Love always,
                                                            City Boy
    Tears welled at his eyes as he read the card, taking in every word. He slowly closed the laptop lid and set it aside, giving the card his undivided attention.
   "I-uh," I said, sniffling back tears that were beginning to form. "I also found this in your car."
    He looked over at me, his big eyes dropping a small tear onto his blanket. My hands were shaking as I reached into my purse to grab a little black box.
   I handed him the box and he flipped the lid open, a little dainty diamond ring fell onto his lap.
_____________________________________
-Big White Bed, AJR