Normal //Ryan Metzger

06: youre pathetic

"Good," Jack said as he opened the apartment door, throwing his keys on the nearby counter. "You guys haven't made out yet."
"I was actually debating cannibalism on Lauren for how long you took to get the pizza," Ryan laughed, pausing the movie right before Michael Myers stabbed the guy into the wall.
"Glad that didn't happen," I laughed, Ryan and I both standing up to get the pizza. Jack set one box on the kitchen table and held the other box in his hands as we walked towards the hallway. Ryan and I both stopped to question him.
"What? I'm hungry," Jack said as he shrugged, turning on his heels and back towards his bedroom where he'd finish the whole pizza by himself.
"To each their own," Ryan said laughing and low key waved Jack away to his bedroom where he'd end up finishing a whole large pizza alone.
We dug into the pizza like we haven't eaten in days. Let me tell you, when they say New York pizza is the best pizza, they weren't lying.
"Ohio doesn't even compare," I said taking a bite of the cheesy goodness.
"This is your first New York pizza?" He asked me in disbelief.
"Yeah, I've only been here for a month," I responded. "The night we met was the night Jess and I finished moving in completely and registered for fall classes."
"You need a true New York Tour then," Ryan said, taking a bite of his last pizza slice.
"Hmm, wonder who could do that?" I said looking around. "I'll call Adam, maybe he's free."
Ryan gave me a look of confusion which made me bust out laughing.
"I'm joking," I laughed, punching him softly in the shoulder. This got me a fake pouty face from Ryan as he rubbed the site I punched him. "Oh cmon, that didn't hurt," I said to him, giving him a look.
   "It hurts my feelings," he said in a pouty voice, continuing his facial expression.
   "I'm sorry, do you want a kiss and a sticker to make you feel better?" I said to him in a three year old voice, mimicking his pouting.
   "Well if you say so," Ryan said and leaned in for a kiss. I yelped in laughter and pushed his face away, causing him to bust out laughing as well.
  "Okay, okay," I said catching my breath. "We should really watch the movie."
Ryan and I both sat back on the couch, watching as Jamie Lee Curtis sat in a closet, hiding from Michael Myers.
"Oh Jesus," I said jumping, as soon as Michael popped into the closet door by breaking it.
"Come on, seriously?" Ryan laughed, pointing at the screen. "You think this is scary?"
"Yes!" I laughed, sitting upright with the pillow in my lap. "John Carpenter is a legend at horror and this is one of his all time classic slasher films."
"Yeah but this is anything from scary," Ryan scoffed as he stretched his arms out. I tried my hardest not to react or notice, but Ryan placed his arm behind my back on the back of the couch. "This is merely suspense."
"Suspense is a sub genre of horror, Ryan," I said, still not noticing that arm. "Did you read the essays in our class?"
"I mean-" Ryan started as he shrugged, which made me laugh.
"Maybe that's why you don't know about final girls," I said. "Like look at Laurie Strode. She just single handedly survived and defeated Michael Myers by herself. None of her friends survived, aka she was the final one."
"But didn't Dr. Loomis-" Ryan started, diving too deep into the movie.
"Okay, now you're just pushing it," I laughed. "Maybe next lecture I'll get Folksier to discuss the different final girls to finish out the horror section."
"If I'm even there," he said, turning his head away from me and back to the screen. He folded his hands in his lap. "I'm probably going to be taking another break from school here soon because of the tour and the new album that we are working on."
"Well, then I guess I'll just send you the lecture then," I said, ignoring the elephant in the room. "And Dr. Loomis didn't do all of the work."
Ryan let out a little laugh and returned his arm behind me. I leaned back further into his arm, but not too much.
The credits to the movie rolled on the screen and the haunting theme song played behind them. We both looked at the clock on the wall that read almost 11:30.
"Shit," I said, sitting up and picking up my phone from the coffee table. "I better tell Jess I'm on my way home since she's probably done doing, well, you know."
"You're going to go home this late?" Ryan asked, looking at his own phone.
"Yeah I only live a few blocks away, so I wouldn't even need a cab or an Uber," I shrugged, texting out a message to Jess.
"Lauren, I'm not gonna let you walk home this late," He said. "Why don't you just stay?"
"Stay?" I said, almost choking on my own spit.
"Yeah. I'll lend you some clothes to sleep in and Jack, Adam, and I have a tour meeting tomorrow that you could tag along in if you wanted. And you can take my room, I don't care."
"You sure?" I asked, stopping in my tracks before I moved a muscle.
"If only you want to. If not, I can take Jack's car and-"
"No, no," I said, stopping him. "I can stay. Plus, Jess and god knows who might still be-"
"Yeah, I'll put on another movie," Ryan laughed, sitting back down on the couch beside me. He typed into the search bar on the tv 'Friday' and he clicked Friday the 13th.
"Now this," He said, setting down the remote and doing the whole yawn-arm-shoulder thing. "Is a slasher movie."
I laughed and scooted closer to him, his arm now all the way over my shoulder. I couldn't help but let out a small smile as the classic 80s movie started its opening scene.
"So would Alice technically be the final girl?" Ryan asked, leaning over and whispering in my ear.
"Yes," I laughed, seeing this moment as an opportunity to rest my head on his shoulder. I looked up at him and saw him crack a small smile.
I tried to keep my eyes open as Jason's mom terrorized the campers on the screen, but as time went on I felt myself slipping into sleep.
***
You, I heard a familiar voice say from behind me. I stood in a black, empty room with nothing but darkness for miles. You fucked everything up, didn't you.
  I turned around to put a face on the voice and Blake walked from the shadows. He wore exactly what he did that night, with a black band shirt on and his favorite khakis, the ones I just washed and pressed the day before.
Blake,I- but his hand smacked across my face sharply, stinging as it left. 
No, he said. You don't get to talk here, I do. The threat level rose in his voice and I cowered back as I always did.
You stupid bitch, you ruined my life after a little argument got out of hand. You couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut, and look where it got me. Out of college, in a cell, and wasting my life away, but not anymore.
   You see, I'm out now, he said with a sneering grin. I shook my head in disbelief and squeezed my eyes right.
No, I said shaking my head. This is just a dream, Ryan wake me up. Cmon Ryan, wake me up!
   Pretty boy can't help you here, Blake said inching closer to me.
   Please, I pleaded, keeping my eyes on him now to notice where he moved. This isn't real, you're still locked up, I'm 700 miles away from you. I'm safe.
   You're fucking pathetic, he said spitting at my face. I can't believe I wasted five years on a slut like you. I mean, look at you. You're leading that poor guy on over a drunk night. All you do is ruin people's lives and look what you're doing to him.
   And don't even get me started on Jess. Poor girl wanted to come out here alone, and to not babysit a poor abuse victim who can't seem to do simple tasks without someone holding her hand. If you could even call yourself the victim.
  Blake,please. I pleaded. I was praying that something could pull me out of the nightmare, but I was stuck.
Fucking tell me you're a piece of trash, admit you're nothing but a piece of ass for that, what do you call him?, 'city boy' of yours.
When I didn't repeat what he said, he launched towards me, his hand grasping at my exposed throat. Say it, he said through his teeth..

I woke up abruptly, gasping for air as I grabbed at my throat. It took me a few seconds to realize where I was and if I was even safe. I was breathing heavily as the Friday the 13th play screen was lighting up the room. Ryan groggily woke up and when he saw me with the hot tears rolling down my face, he shot awake.
"Lauren? Are you okay?" He said, grabbing both of my arms in his hands.
I tried cracking out words but they were caught in my throat that felt as if a pool ball had been stuffed down it.
  "Did you have a nightmare?" He asked and examined my body to see if I was okay. All I could do was nod my head at him. "First thing you need to do is calm down, breathe."
   I tried slowing my breaths but I couldn't, they continued their pace as I continued to have my panic attack.
  "I..I c-can't," I choked out, holding my face in my hands.
You're so pathetic looking, it's comedic, the thoughts started. You look like a fool to Ryan right now, I wouldn't be surprised if by tomorrow you never spoke again.
   "What can I do, tell me how to help, Lo," he frantically said, trying his hardest.
   He's pretending to care to get you normal and out the door. He's not going to want to babysit you or your mental health. Shit, babe, we aren't going anywhere.
   I couldn't find any words to say so I just buried my face into his chest, blocking out all light. His hands wrapped around me for protection, his fingers playing with my hair.
   "It's okay," He said calmly, lightly stroking my hair as I sobbed into his chest. "It'll pass. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry,"
   He repeated his last words over and over in between soft shushing sounds. I felt childish, like a little girl running to her parent after falling off of her bike. I fell embarrassed to be here, the voices were right. 
   ***
   Once I was calmed down enough, I was picked up from the couch, the blanket wrapped around me and everything, without my knowledge. Ryan held me close to him and he carried me down the hallway and into his bedroom across from Jack's. I'm so glad Jack did not wake up.
   He lightly laid me down on the nearest side of the bed, tossing the many blankets over me.
   "What are you doing?" I asked sparsely, my voice cracking from the hitched breaths from my sobbing episode.
   He ran into the living room and turned off the TV and came back in immediately.
   He didn't say a word and entered the other side of the bed. His arms were stretched across me in a protective manner.
   "I'm gonna lay here with you until you feel safe and calm," he answered. "I'm not letting you brush this off."
   "Ryan I'm fine-"
   "You just had a severe panic attack, Lauren." His voice got serious. "It's okay to not be okay sometimes. So what I'm going to do is lay here with you and make you feel calm and secure."
   I teared up at his actions, no one has cared about this topic in a long time. I grew up with everyone telling me I was making it up.
  "Thank you," I whispered, my voice cracking as it came out.

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-again sorry if the chapters feel like it's the same plot for every chapter, I'm trying to get somewhere and idk if it's working out
-I really hope you're liking it and liking Lauren. I know I'm writing her to be sort of whiney, but I wanted to explore the side of post trauma and how the mind would react
-chapter song is Normal