Normal //Ryan Metzger

14: my guy

Lets just say, things got worse from there.
   Ryan and I continued our friendship status, but I was growing closer with Jack as the months went by. The weeks dragged on as when I went over to hang out as they created music. Ryan couldn't have a full blown conversation with me without Natalie putting in her two cents into it.
   It was now March, and Ryan's birthday was coming up in two days. Since his birthday was on Sunday, Natalie decided to take Ryan out tonight for his birthday. On Movie Friday..
   Ryan ran around the apartment, frantically tying his tie or combing the hair on top of his head. Jack and I sat on the couch in sweats while Jack taught me a few chords of the ukulele.
   "Dude," Jack said, judging his older brother. "You've been dating this girl for 5 months, it's not like you're meeting her for the first time."
"It's the first time we are doing something this fancy together," he yelled from the bathroom. "I just want it to be perfect."
Jack rolled his eyes and showed me the finger positions for a chord.
"Shouldn't she make tonight perfect for you," He asked him confused. "Y'know, it's your birthday."
"Well yeah, but-" He said, fixing his tie in the hallway mirror. "But, it's different. I think I'm gonna-"
"What?" Jack asked as Ryan hesitated his next words. He made eye contact with me and struggled to get his next words out.
"I uh-" He said, itching at his hair. "I think I'm gonna tell her tonight that I love her."
My heart sank down to my stomach, the feeling I got the night of the concert. Even after Thanksgiving, there was always something about Ryan that made me still feel towards him, but he was now officially slipping through my fingertips.
"Good for you bro," Jack said, doing a little handshake.
"Yeah," I said awkwardly smiling up at him. "Good for you."
Ryan and I didn't tell anyone anything that happened out on the street the night of Thanksgiving, not even to Jack or Jess. Ryan was the only one who knew that he knew I loved him, and I saw what he did with that information.
"Alright, well," Ryan said, letting out a sigh. He flipped his keys around his index finger, landing them is his palm. "Have fun tonight."
"Oh we well," Jack laughed, and with a quick smile, Ryan disappeared behind the door. "Okay, lets try some strumming techniques."
"I told Ryan I loved him," I blurted out, squeezing my eyes shut. When I peeked them open, Jack's jaw was on the ground. "I told him when she came after me on Thanksgiving."
"And why the fuck am I just now hearing about this?" He asked, throwing up his hands.
"Because I thought maybe they'd have a falling out and I could get my way in, but he just said he loved her and was going to admit that to her," I said, defending my side. "You heard what she said about me on thanksgiving. I still can't believe Ryan stayed with her after that."
"It was fucked," he said.
"Like," I groaned. "Ryan didn't even stand up for me, he stood up for her. The one that called me an insecure bitch and keeps making jokes about my anxiety 24/7."
"I told you," Jack said strumming at the ukulele. "She is nothing but trouble. I honestly can't believe Ryan fell in her trap."
"I can," I said quietly. "I mean look at her. Long, blonde hair, a body I've been wanting my whole life, humor out the ass, a smile to die for. What does she not have?"
"You know what she doesn't have?" Jack asked, moving so we were eye to eye. "She doesn't have Ryan's heart fully."
"But Jack, he-"
"Lauren," He said, shutting me up. "Ryan will forever and always love you. Even if Natalie and him miraculously get engaged tonight for some reason, he always has this..this thing for you.
The night they got together, he called and texted you the whole time. The whole tour before that it was 'I wonder how Lauren did on her midterms' or 'Lauren said she was making Chinese food and now I want some Chinese food'. Ryan will always love and care for you, just maybe not in the way you'd wish."
"Jack, I'm not his future, I know that," I said with a pity laugh. "I'm not even my own."
"What?" He asked. "What do you mean?"
"I mean-" I said, hesitating my words. "I mean, I know he wants a family in the future. I know he wants the big backyard with a big white house that had has a red door with a golden retriever running around with our three kids. I know he wants that."
I felt myself being more and more quieter with every word. I moved to face him, sitting criss cross style. I picked at the couch's fabric.
"I can't give him that," I said, looking up at Jack. "So that's what she has."
He gave me a confused look.
"She can give him a future,"
*
After Jack and I talked for what felt like forever, we passed out on the couch while watching Forrest Gump. The ukuleles were crossed over our chests and we were slumped over.
We both woke up to a jolt as someone slammed the front door. Loud footsteps ran through the kitchen and down the hall. Ryan's light flicked on and the door slammed shut, closing off the slight.
"Oh shit," Jack groaned, setting the ukulele in the coffee table and flipping to get up.
"No," I said stopping him. "Let me."
I slowly got up, setting the ukulele down of the coffee table softly. I walked down the hall to Ryan's door and softly opened it with a crack. I could hear crying coming from the giant man.
"Ryan?" I asked quietly. "May I come in?"
He didn't say anything other than soft sobs. I opened the door to see him sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed. Even though he had a huge stature, he looked tiny almost. Defeated.
I crouched in front of him to be at eye level. I ended up sitting in front of him, watching huge tears roll down his cheeks and his glasses fog up.
"Ryan," I said, wiping a tear from his eye. "What happened?"
"She, she-uh," He said in between sob-like breaths.
"Ryan, breathe," I said, relaxing him so he didn't pass out.
"She told me she cheated," he said, letting out even more sobs that before. "She fucking cheated on me with one of the sound guys from the tour."
My heart sank and was empty for him. His eyes didn't have life to them anymore, they were dull and red from the fiery tears. I quickly tried to think of what I could do to make him feel better.
I got up from the floor and walked to the door.
"Where are you going?" He asked within the sob.
I held up my index finger, running to the living room. I grabbed one of the ukuleles laying on the coffee table.
I came back in and took my spot in front of him, making sure he saw me.
"Okay," I said letting out a breath. I placed my first finger placement on the chord I thought was right.
"I've got sunshine," I started to sing, referring to 'our song'. "On a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May."
He let out a laugh in between his crying and covered his mouth with one of his hands.
"Well I'd guess you'd say, what could make me feel this way?" I strummed each string one by one, making a cliffhanger on the lyric. Ryan wasn't catching on. "Ryan, what could make me feel this way?" I laughed.
He shrugged his shoulders, looking as if he wasn't soaking in every minute.
"My guy," I said, continuing the strumming. "Talkin' 'bout my guy. My guy."
He smiled and gave me a slow applause as I finished the chorus.
"Oh Ohio," he said letting out a sigh. His eyes drooped down, not matching with the smile plastered on his face. "You always know how to cheer me up."
I smiled and wiped away a falling tear from his left eye with my thumb.
"I know," I said smiling. "It's my job"
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-realllly rushes but there you go
-My Girl by the Temptations again (this'll probably be multiple chapter songs because it's Ryan and Lauren's song)