Normal //Ryan Metzger

24: lucky

"He what?" Jack said to me, his jaw dropping on the floor as I told him and Adam what I had found. We stood outside of his room, talking quietly as he slept inside. The clock showed it was close to the end of visitor's hours.
   "Yeah," I said, crossing my arms. "He was going to propose. One minute he was going to propose and the next he forgets I even exist. How fucked is that?"
    "That's pretty fucked," Adam said. "What did he say to it?"
    "He, uh-" I said, rubbing my eye in frustration. "He said he was sorry."
   Repeating the words he told me just an hour prior make my stomach knot and my heart sink further and further into the ground.
   "He read the card right?" Jack asked, pointing at the door.
   "Yeah, the card, the rose, the ring," I said. "All he said was he was sorry."
   "Damn," Adam said, giving me a sorrowful look. "I'm really sorry."
   "I could have been planning my wedding this last month. Instead I have been convincing him to love me again, and it's obviously not working."
   I choked back tears of frustration as I covered my eyes with the palms of my hands.
   "I'm tired," I said, holding the tears back. "I'm tired of fucking crying every ten minutes. I'm tired of being so weak that I have to force myself to come here everyday. I'm tired of waiting for Ryan to fall as deep in love with me as I am with him. I'm fucking tired of trying."
"Lauren," Adam said, stopping me from continuing my rant that was growing in volume. I didn't know it but I had tears streaming down my face. "He loves you, it's just his mind that can't remember it."
"If he can't remember it, then what's the point?" I asked, shrugging my shoulders. "What's the point of coming here and spending all day in rehabilitation with him or sitting talking about music while I studied if he doesn't remember why I am there. The reason."
I squatted down, covering my eyes as my tears rolled. They were tears of frustration, tears of pain.
Adam squatted down to my eye level, holding my chin up with his finger.
"Hey," He said, making me keep eye contact. "You keep your hope and faith. That's what's going to pull you two back together. He's going to come around, hell all he talks about when you aren't here is when you will be here next or what subject you'll be studying for today. He is always about you, Lauren. He has been for the past year."
"But he doesn't remember it," I said. "He doesn't remember these memories that we shared. If I go in there and tell him everything, it's putting false hope into my head and confusion into his."
Just then, we heard a loud crash and a thud from Ryan's room, followed by a cry of pain.
I jumped up from my position and bolted into the room. I swung the door open to see Ryan laying there.
"Ryan," I said kneeling down to where he was writhing in pain. "What happened?"
"Nurse!" Jack yelled out of the door as Adam and I fell to him.
"I-" He said, struggling. "I just wanted to get up and stretch my legs for a little. Walk a little."
"Babe, you'll get there, just-"
"Stop calling me babe!" He screamed at me. I stopped what I was doing and kneeled there frozen.
"I-" I choked out, looking up at Adam. Adam's face dropped with sadness.
"I'm sorry," Ryan said. "God dammit, Lauren. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I said getting up as the nurses ran in to his side. "It's okay."
"Lauren, wait!" He called out to me but I backed up towards the door. I grabbed my purse off of the floor and left the room, covering my mouth to muffle the sobs as I entered the elevator.
*
"Lauren?" Jess asked, walking into Ryan and I's room to wake me up. "It's 11, aren't you going to Ryan's physical therapy?"
I rolled over, away from the door, not saying anything.
"Laure-?"
"I'm obviously not going," I said, raising my voice to her. "Now, let me sleep."
"Jack says you should really try and visit today," she said quietly. "Says Ryan really needs you."
"He hasn't needed me in his life since he woke up," I said quieter, hoping she wouldn't hear it. "so why should I keep going?"
"Because you love him," she said. "and that's what you do when you're in love."
She closed the door slightly, the door signaling its shut with a latching sound. I stared out the window at the awake city as burning tears formed in my eyes.
I ruffled the white comforter to my face, curling up against it. I inhaled deeply and the smell of Ryan's cologne and soap swirled in my nose. At that point, I almost bawled right there. This was home to me. This smell right here was my happiness.
I laid there for what felt like ages, taking in the times prior to last month in. Prior to the night of the crash. Prior to my whole world being crushed.
I walked out of the bedroom, dressed and ready. I wore my regular PT outfit of leggings and a tank top, with a sweater in hand for later. I looked at Jess with teary eyes as she sat on the couch, flipping through the channels on the tv. She stopped to look at me.
"It's not fair," I said starting to cry. "It's not fair that I have to press the restart button."
"I know," she said getting up to be in front of me. She wiped away a tear as I sniffled back. "It's completely not fair."
"All of my siblings are married and have dozens of children running around," I said, exaggerating my hand gestures. "And I was so close to having that but it all got taken away."
She rubbed my arm as I stared at the hardwood floor, thinking.
"Maybe I'm not supposed to love," I said quietly. Jess shook her head, but I stopped her. "I told him I would ruin his life and now look. He's in the hospital learning to walk again. To walk, Jess."
"Stop," She said, readjusting my focus on her. "Go to the hospital. See the love of your life. You haven't ruined him."
"I think I've ruined myself," I said, looking up at her. "What if I'm doing all of this for nothing?"
"Well," She said pulling out her phone, confusing me. "If it makes you feel any better, Natalie is out of the picture."
I snapped up at looked at her again, this time with confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I guess she ran off to L.A. last night," she said, showing Natalie on an airplane from her Instagram. "I guess she had a change of mind."
I let out a sigh of relief. The wicked witch is gone, I said.
"But you should go," Jess said. "Ryan needs you there and you need him."
"I do," I said nodding my head. "I really do."
*
   I walked into the rehabilitation room hesitantly. I spotted Ryan in the center with his hands gripping the bars and concentration full way.
   "Cmon," Adam said with a grin. "Only two steps away from five and you're out of this place."
   "Rather do PT at home than in this stinky place," I said, walking up to the brothers as they all looked up at me.
   "Lauren," Ryan said with a sigh of relief and a smile. He lost concentration and fell to the platform of the walkway with a thud. "God dammit," he laughed.
   "Clumsy as always," I said, stepping in front of him. I held out my hand for him to take. "Cmon, walk to the end of the walkway and you're out of here."
   He smiled and took my hand as a booster to get up. We helped him back to the end of the walkway and he let out a big breath, focusing on his goal.
   I stood at the other end of the walkway, cheering him on. He took his first two steps with a breeze.
   "Cmon, Ryan!" I yelled, edging him on. "Three more, lets go."
   "You've got this, baby bro!" Adam said to him as Ryan moved his left leg again, doing a step.
   We all cheered as he took that step. He was literally one step closer to being done.
   "Cmon babe!" I said, forgetting what he said last night. "You've got this."
   He took another step, nearly done with the walkway. I stood right on the edge of it, waiting for him to finish.
   "Cmon!" I yelled as he started giving up hope. "You can do it. Do this for me."
   Something clicked in Ryan and his left foot reached mine, signaling his fifth and final step.
   All three of us loudly cheered as Ryan smiled his big smile, taking in the applause.
   "You did it. You fucking did it-" before I could finish my sentence, Ryan attaches his lips onto mine, giving me a kiss that I had missed so dearly.
  He cupped my face in his hands as he pressed himself into me, not pulling away until he had to.
   "I'm sorry," he said, looking me in my eyes. "I'm sorry for last night. I'm sorry for this month."
   "Don't apologize," I said to him, holding his face in my hands. "Gosh, I've missed you so much, my love."
    "I can't believe I could ever forget you," He said smiling. "I'm so glad I got to meet you for a second time. I'm so lucky."
   "I've been waiting for you to come around," I said smiling and laughing as the doctor came closer to us. I looked around the room and familiar faces of Ryan's many nurses and doctors filled at the door.
   "I'm so glad you did,"
_____________________________________
-god bless not a sad(ish) chapter wow
-wrote this in like an hour so it probably sucks haha
-chapter song is their rainbow connection cover bc I love that song and it fits