Normal //Ryan Metzger

27: ryan?

I was standing at the counter, whipping up some quick and easy dinner as Jack and Ryan were out with Adam at an interview. Jess went to study so the apartment was empty expect for me and the 'Queen's Greatest Hits' album I had on the record player.
   I danced around to the beats of the different songs, tasting the sauce for spices as I did. It was a bit cold and rainy outside, as it had moved closer to the middle of October.
   As I danced, I noticed my ring and smiled with my mouth full of snacks. Even though Ryan had proposed two months prior, with my family freaking out about the baby of my family getting married off, it still hadn't set in that in just a few short months, Ryan and I would be married.
   The idea of being married to him made the butterflies in my stomach grow. Every time I was out, I had to show off the ring or be 'that girl' with it. When I posted a photo with the ring showing in photos of Ryan and I, fans would go crazy with their true 'conspiracies' because we wanted to keep this private. It made me laugh, reading some of the things they had said.
   "She's a killer queen," I sang along with Freddie Mercury as I stirred the pot of mashed potatoes on the stove. If Ryan were head to see this, he would be sneaking his phone, taking a video of my dance moves without me knowing.
   My dance moves were abruptly stopped by a sharp pain running through my abdomen. I crossed my arms across my stomach, hoping the pressure would relieve the pain, and it did for a minute.
   I let out a sigh of relief and though that was weird, and brushed off the pain, returning to the stove. This time, the pain came back with a vengeance.
   The music that filled the apartment's livelihood was swallowed away by a loud ringing in my ear. I sat down on the ground, resting my back onto the oven door, holding onto my stomach. I squeezed my eyes shut as I grabbed at my stomach.
   I crawled to the kitchen table where my phone was resting on, trying to grab it to call Ryan. I got it into my fingers and clicked his contact name as fast as I could.
   "Hey babe, we are about to go on the air, what's up-?" He said with his smile being heard through the phone. I stopped him before he could even say anything else.
   "I need you to come home," I said, trying to choke out the words through the immense pain in my abdomen. "Something's wrong."
   His demeanor changed at the drop of a hat and worry filled his voice. His words cracked as they came out.
   "I-I'll be right there," he said and I could hear his pounding footsteps as he ran away from wherever he was. I heard Adam and Jack call for him in the background, but he ignored the two. "Sit tight."
   I hung the phone up and reached into the chair in front of me to hoist myself up. I limped to our bedroom to go into our bathroom. The pain was so intense, I thought maybe my spleen or appendix had ruptured. But when I got to the bathroom and turned on the light, to my horror and surprise, it wasn't either.
  I sat down in the corner near the tub and the wall to relieve the pain from standing and looked down at my pants to see the first half of it covered with blood, soaking the material.
   I covered my mouth to muffle the anxious cry I was letting out, but it was too late. I let out a terrible shriek as I tried to find the sound to apply pressure, but there was none.
   My hands were covered in the blood as I tried to find the spot. The jean fabric was soaked and continued to run through my pant leg. I looked towards the door and saw a trail of it leading out of the bathroom.
   Shit, I said to myself. Shit, shit, shit.
   My head started to feel woozy at the sight of the bright scarlet liquid that kept coming from me. The bathroom had looked like a murder scene, with the white linoleum flooring of the bathroom being covered in my own body fluids. I couldn't handle the sight and shut my eyes, squeezing them together to try and ease the pain.
   I quickly opened them again when I heard the front door slam. I woke up and looked to see that the bleeding had stopped, but there was still a lot of it.
   "R-Ryan?" I said weakly, trying to call for him to tell him I was in the bathroom. He could probably spot my location by the trail of blood I have left.
   "Lauren?" I heard him yell from the bedroom. His loud footsteps of his reaching the bathroom door filled my ears as his hand swung the door to the bathroom open. "Oh my god."
   He eyes grew wide at the sight of me slumped in the corner with the blood bath around me. He instantly fell to my side and I couldn't hold back the tears. I had no idea what was happening and I didn't know what to do.
   "Let's get you to the hospital," he said, picking me up bridal style.
   "No!" I said, trying to avoid that place at all costs, but Ryan wasn't having it. "Let's just clean it up. It stopped. I'm fine."
   "You obviously aren't fine," he said, walking out of the bathroom and through the bedroom to leave the apartment. I sobbed into his shoulder, burying my head into the crook of his neck and shoulder. He squeezed me closer to him, sensing my nervousness and tension. "We are just gonna get you checked out, that's all."
   I nodded, not moving my head from his crook as I still sobbed, losing strength. He shut the door of the apartment behind him, leaving Freddie Mercury and the potatoes behind. I prayed to God no one in this apartment building would see this.
*
   We arrived to the emergency room and Ryan refused that I walked, sensing the pain that I was still feeling. He had draped his jacket across the seat of Jack's front seat.
   "Your poor sweater," I said, trying to make light of the situation we were in. I looked down at the blue sweater now soaked in blood, making it purple.
   "It's fine," he said, still in his serious tone. I dropped the lightness as he carried me into the emergency room. "We need a doctor!"
   A nurse came up to us and assessed the situation. She saw the blood and called for a gurney immediately.
   In a matter of seconds, Ryan had placed me on the cold bed and I was being rushed to an examination room. Ryan squeezed onto my left hand as I was wheeled through the halls, a look of horror on his face. He tried to be strong but I could see him breaking.
   A team of doctors and nurses rushed around me as Ryan refused to let go. They tried looking for a point of open wound, tearing off the blood soaked clothes, tossing them aside.
  When they couldn't find the wound, they took other tests and the crowd died down and a doctor and nurse were only left, with a saddened look.
   "We ran the tests," the doctor said. "And once we get the results, we will be back in with answers."
   "Thank you," Ryan said softly, squeezing onto my hand tighter, making the ring on my ring finger squeeze against the skin.
   Ryan helped me into the hospital gown, a matching one that he wore just months prior. I felt exposed even with the cloth as blood still sporadically was appearing.
   "So this is what you felt like," Ryan said, breaking the silence of the room that was holding on for what felt like 20 minutes, scaring me almost.
   "Huh?" I said, questioning him.
   "When I was in here, this-this fear of the unknown. That's what you felt."
   "I mean, I knew you got hit by a car," I said, looking over at his big watery eyes that were behind his glasses. "The fear of the unknown came in when the doctor told me you may never wake up."
   Ryan's face dropped at the sound of that and he held my hand in both of his.
   "I'm glad I did," he said, holding my hand up to his mouth and kissed it lightly. He squeezed my hand three times, signaling our 'I love you' as the same doctor from before came in, this time with an even more dropped spirit that before.
  "I'm afraid I have some bad news Miss. Pearson," He said, crossing his arms in front of him while holding the clipboard.
   As he said his next words, I felt my heart jump out into my lap and the tears came before I could process what he had said. Ryan's tears shortly followed as he leaned towards my face, connecting our foreheads. We sobbed together as we tried to process what the doctor had told us.
   "I'm sorry Miss Pearson, but you have sadly suffered a miscarriage of a 12 week baby," he had said, and the words swirled in my head, repeating every chance they could get.
   "I'll let you two have some alone time," he said, checking the IV I had in my hand for fluids. He left the room as Ryan and I still were connected.
   "We were gonna have a baby," He whispered to me, his cries overtaking his speech right after. I have never seen Ryan in this way and it pained me even more.
   "I'm so sorry," I said, my right hand cupping his right side of his face. "I'm so so sorry."
   "We were gonna have a baby," he repeated again, holding onto the hand on his face. Him repeated those words made me let out harder cries than before.
   "Yeah," I said, trying to hold them back. "We were."
   We continued to sob into each other as the pain in my stomach died down, leaving me feel more empty inside than I ever had before this moment.
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-I'm sorry