Normal //Ryan Metzger

20.5: my guy (pt.2)

  Adam drove quickly to the hospital with us all crammed into his car. I was silently panicking in the backseat while Adam sped down the road. Jess trying to contact the hospital to get any new information, but no line was picking up.
   "God dammit!" She yelled, throwing her phone on the ground of the car.
  "Adam be careful," Emily said, holding onto the bar in front of her as he swerved in and out of traffic.
  "I am being careful," He yelled, loud enough to spook everyone in the car. Adam never raises his voice but the stress and worry in his eyes made sense. I finally looked up to the rear view mirror and caught his gaze. His eyes softened a bit as he met mine. "I will be careful." He said in a softer tone.
   The ride felt like the longest minutes of my life. Time moved in slow motion so much that I felt my heart pound every beat and I could hear the blood rushing through my body.
   Jack squeezed my hand the whole way to the hospital, not letting go of it.
    When he first took my hand in his own, I looked over at him to see his watery eyes almost giving out to tears.
   "I can't lose my best friend," he whispered to me, almost breaking down with every word.   
    Seeing Jack this way made me squeeze his hand back and let a single tear from my left eye out.
   "I can't lose mine either," I said back and the for the rest of the ride, we were all completely silent.
   I could feel my phone buzzing hard in my pocket, so much that it went numb after a few minutes. Family and friends probably flooding my phone wanting to know what was going on. I couldn't bring myself to pull it out because I too didn't know what was going on.
*
   We pulled up to the hospital and before Adam put the car into park, I slipped off my heels and opened my door, exiting the car.
   I heard them all call out my name but I was deaf to al sound. All that was on my mind in this moment was where Ryan was and if he was okay.
   "Ryan?" I yelled into the hospital. The staff looked at me like I was crazy. "Ryan!"
   "Lauren!" Adam said from behind me, trying to hold me back, but I wasn't having it.
   I darted down the hallways marked TRAUMA and pushed myself through the doors.
   The nurses and doctors looked at me in a confused manner as I checked every trauma room for him.
   "Ma'm," one of the nurses said. "This is a restricted area. I'm going to have to ask you to lea-"
  "Ryan?" I yelled out, ignoring her trying to push me out.
   "Ma'm," I heard her say. But that was all I heard after that. I stopped dead in my tracks, staring into a window with the blinds open.
   Ryan laid on the metal table like a rag doll, his chest covered in black and red blood. His glasses were missing from his beautiful face and he had a tube coming from his mouth. Dried blood covered his hairline and his blond hair.
   His beautiful eyes were closed off to the world and the doctors rushed around him, trying to save him with every passing second. The heart monitor machine showed a slowing heart rate, but a heart rate nonetheless.
   I screamed out his name, but I couldn't hear the sound coming out from my own mouth. I let everything I was bottling up to that point out into the open. Hot, streaming tears busted out of my eyes as I screamed and ran towards the window.
   His mouth was gaping open for the tube, the place his smile should be right now. They had striped him of his clothes so his exposed wounds were out, showing me truly just how gruesome he was hit. On his right arm, where his main artery was, he was bleeding profusely. The doctors surrounding him were too worried about his chest wounds that they didn't see all the blood seeping out of his arm.
   "His arm!" I screamed, banging on the observing window. "You're going to kill him!"
   As I screamed, Adam came behind me and grabbed me from the back. I tried to fight him to get him off of me, but his arms kept me down.
   "Put me down!" I screamed so hard that my throat burned with every word. I punched at his arms hard, but they proved to not budge as they kept his grip on me.
   The doctors in Ryan's room noticed my tantrum and a nurse rushed to shut the blinds of the window, without first giving me a dirty look. Ryan's pale body was quickly shut out of my blurred, teary vision
   Emily covered her mouth with her hands as she cried hard, entering the trauma area with Jess and Jack. Jack ran his fingers through his hair, keeping his arms above his head in confusion and panic.
   I kept punching and punching at Adam as he took me away from the trauma room, with my screams echoing down the empty corridors.
   I was full of sobbing at this point. Adam was struggling to hold me down as the nurses and doctors not working on Ryan, swarmed to the scene.
   Adam got me all the way to the waiting room and sat me down. I tried getting back up but he was right there to sit me back down on the cold metal seat.
   "But-" I said in between my sobs to Adam. "I-He-they-there killing your brother, Adam!"
   Adam winced at me screaming at him but continued to try to comfort me. He was the only one current who wasn't breaking down. Emily was observing quietly, with big tears rolling down her cheeks. Jess' face was buried in Jack's chest as he rested his chin on her head, quietly closing his eyes and letting a tear escape.
   Adam was the glue holding the four of us together. Moreso me than anyone else.
   "They are helping him," Adam said, kneeling down to my eyesight and holding onto my hands in comfort. I could tell it was taking him everything he had to not break down and crack in front of me, but it was proving too hard to him.
  "I know you want to help and I know you want to take away his pain, we all do. But-" he stopped because tears were rolling down his face and into his beard. "but we have to trust them, Lauren."
   I couldn't make out words, only break down with him. I fell into his chest and he wrapped his big arms around me tight. I sobbed into his shoulders and he did to mine.
   "We just have to trust them," he repeated quietly, rubbing small circles on my back as I sobbed into his red sweater he was wearing.
*
   A few hours later,every one of us fell asleep beside Adam.
    I fell asleep on Adam's shoulder, who was sitting beside me with Emily in his lap sleeping. Jess and Jack disappeared to find out more information on his status, but I fell asleep out of pure exhaustion before they could return.
   I woke up in a jolt to Adam shaking both Emily and I awake as a doctor stood in front of us, a clipboard in one hand and the other hand shoved into the pocket on his coat.
   "Ryan Metzger's loved ones, I suppose?" He said over his white mustache. He looked me down and I felt embarrassed.
   "Yes," Adam answered. "How's he doing?"
   "Well," He said, taking the seat in front of us. This wasn't a good sign. "He was hit pretty bad. If he was just three inches to the left in his seat, he would've walked out of their with a scratch or two. If he was three inches to the right, he would've died on impact."
    I winced at what the doctor was telling me. The fact that I could've lost Ryan on impact sent a shiver down my spine.
   "We got all of the external bleeding to clot and is healing up, but he had some flare ups of internal bleeding throughout his body and lost a lot of blood through the whole trauma."
   Adam nodded along to the doctor and so did I. I could already feel the tears forming again, but none fell from my eyes because I was completely out from all of the crying I had done prior.
   "We stopped the internal and external bleeding fine," he sighed. His sigh made me sit up straighter and opened my ears wider. "But-"
   "Oh gosh," I said, letting out a laugh to hide the panic I was having. "'Buts' are never good, huh Doc?"
   "I'm afraid so," he answered, clearing his throat. "We sadly found a brain bleed in his frontal lobe and have him in existential surgery at the moment."
   I covered my mouth to muffle my cries as I imagined Ryan undergoing surgery, helpless and on the verge of death. The love of my life dying and I couldn't do anything to help.
   "Now," the doctor said, looking at his clipboard. "Are any of you O Positive?"
   Adam and I both nodded to the question.
  "Ryan and I's younger brother, Jack, over there is O Positive as well," Adam said, bouncing his leg up and down anxiously.
   Of course, Adam and Jack would be able to donate to Ryan, them being his siblings, I was fortunate enough to share the same blood type as him. I'd give him my whole supply if it meant he would be okay. Please be okay..
  "Good," the doctor said. "Because we are gonna need a lot of it to get him pink and well again."
   "Is he gonna be okay?" I asked, looking up at the doctor who was already headed to get the supplies for blood donation.
   "I can't promise anything," The doctor said, turning to me. His eyes were watery as well as he looked at me. "But he is in good hands, I can tell you that now."
   I nodded and looked to the ground as Adam patted my knee with his hand in a comforting way.
    My body trembled in fear as I rose my hand to my mouth, holding back loud breaths of dry sobs that were coming from me.
   A few nurses came back into the lobby a few moments and started to take a pint each of our blood. Adam woke Jack up and told him what was going on. Jack slowly got up, careful enough not to wake Jess. He sat her head on his hat, giving her a pillow.
"Date of birth?" The nurse asked me as she filled out the paper work.
"June 25th, 1994," I said to her quietly.
"Oh, happy birthday," she said with a smile before prepping the crook of my inner elbow for the needle.
"Yeah," I said in a sarcastic tone. "The happiest birthday."
   I sat there completely still, wondering what was happening in the operating room this moment with Ryan. I imagined him laying there, helpless with probes and blades in his head stopping the bleed.
  "Penny for your thoughts?" Jack leaned over and whispered to me as he was getting stuck by the needle.
   I hesitated saying anything to him, searching even my own head for an answer. It swarmed with so many thoughts, I couldn't choose one.
  "I didn't say 'I love you' before we left tonight," I whispered, a tear falling out of my eyes. "I was so angered and hurt at the fact that he forgot my birthday that I didn't tell him I loved him like I always do. God dammit."
   "Hold still for me," the nurse said, holding down my arm.
   "You can't blame yourself, Lauren." Jack said quietly. "If he doesn't walk out of here alive the-"
   "Take that back," I said to him, interrupting him. I still had my quiet tone. "He will walk out of here. He needs all the hope and support he can get, especially from you, his brother."
   "Lauren," Jack said, tearing up a bit at the corners of his eyes. "You heard the doctor. He lost a lot of blood and he has the bleed in his brain. The chances are-"
   "You take that back!" I yelled in his face. "He is your brother, Jack! Do you want him to die?"
     I regretted yelling at him right after the words came out of my mouth. My free hand immediately covered my eyes in embarrassment, hoping to just stay in this darkness forever. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm so sorry."
   "It's okay," Jack said quietly. "It's going to be okay, I hope."
*
   With our blood out of our systems and us all feeling a bit woozy from the pint, time went on even slower than it already had.
   We left the bar that night around 11:30 PM and it was now roughly three in the morning, if I was reading the clock from down the empty hallway correctly.
   Emily had passed out on Adam again. Jack and Jess slept in the corner of the lobby as I paced the room back and forth, calling everyone back that had called to check up during the night.
   "Hey momma," I said into my phone after the automated voice recording informed me of her missing my call. "It's Lo. It's not looking to good so if y'all could just keep him in your prayers for me, that would be amazing. Bye."
   I hung up the phone and sniffled, holding back the tears as I looked at my 'recent calls'. Most of them were from Ryan.
   I clicked his name, knowing I would not get a response out of the call. The line rang a total on six times before his beautiful voice flooded my ears.
   "Hey it's Ryan,"his voicemail said. I could hear his smile and his laugh even though this was recorded many months before. "Sorry I couldn't answer, but if you leave your name, number, and message I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Follow the-" and the voicemail ended with a click.
   As time went on and many calls to Ryan's inbox, I paced even more and more as no news or updates on Ryan's surgery or progress.
   Fans had flooded my social media, all of AJR's social media, and the fan site all with love and support for Ryan after hearing what had happened.
   I read the words of encouragement, soaking in every "He will get better"s and not the "I hope he doesn't die"s for my own sake.
   Time had passed even slower and I was starting to panic. I was imagining the doctor would be coming back to get for me to identify with the coroner that was in fact his lifeless body on the metal slab table in the morgue. 
At around five in the morning, I thought my imagination was coming to reality as the same doctor from earlier came into the lobby. I immediately was in front of him, waiting for the best or worst news of my life. Adam joined my side and we squeezed onto each other's hands, preparing for the worst.
   "He is in recovery right now," he said to Adam and I, the only two awake. Adam and I let out two sighs of relief and I started to tear up of happiness. "You can go see him, but I ask only a few at a time since he did just undergo major surgery."
"Is he awake yet?" I asked, and the doctor hesitated, not a good sign.
"I'm afraid not, Ma'm," he said, standing up straighter where he stood. "He is currently in a comatose state, and we as a team of doctors are not sure when he would wake up, if he would at all."
   I looked at Adam and he tensed up, holding back in his reaction from being seen. Adam just nodded at the doctor's news and went to grab our things that were by the chairs. Emily had woken up slightly.
"Any news?" She asked, groggily.
"Going up there now, babe," he said quietly and kissed the top of her forehead. She smiled and went back to sleep in the chair.
Adam rejoined with the doctor and I and grabbed my hand as we followed the doctor down the many winding hallways to his floor.
  I crossed my arms with Adam's as we got closer to the trauma recovery room.
   The doctor opened the door to Ryan's own room and there he was.
   He still had the tube in his mouth and looked very pale. He had what looked like bruising under his eyes, which really was lack of oxygen he had from the brain bleed.
   His forehead was wrapped with clean gauze and he had a blanket up to he pectorals, an extra covering for his wounds on his chest.
   I immediately went to his side, grabbing a chair that was shoved against the wall. I grabbed his cold hand in mine, taking him in.
  "Hi, my love," I said smiling as tears rolled down my from my eyes and landed on the hospital bed's white sheet.
   I kissed his hand and sat it back down in his lap, I wiped away the tears with one hand and immediately put them back on his hand.
   "Don't you ever scare us like that again," I whispered to him. The pure sight of him made me weep into his lap.
   One of my hands reached up and ran my fingers through his blood soaked hair, trying to smile through the pain.
   The thing I did next only thing I knew that could calm me down in this situation, so I had to do it. I didn't care that the doctor or Adam were here to listen in. This was for Ryan and Ryan only.
   "Ive got sunshine on a cloudy day," I started to sing, which proved difficult with the building sob in my throat. "When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May."
   Adam leaned against the hospital room door frame and stuck his hands in his pockets.
   "Well, I'd guess you'd say what could make me feel this way," Tears we're rushing down my face silently as he was still in his comatose state from the anesthesia. "My guy."