Normal //Ryan Metzger

22: who are you?

We were all so happy that Ryan had woken up. he had beat the odds in just a week in his comatose, when the doctors were saying it would be in God's time.
I was sobbing and smiling and feeling every emotion there was written in the book. I didn't know which one to express, so all of them came out in a river.
Adam was calling everyone we knew while standing in the corner of the room. We all crowded around Ryan's bed as he looked around the room, confusion plastered on his face.
"W-" Ryan started and we all crouched in a little closer to hear what he was going to say.
"It's okay babe," I said, rubbing his hand with my own. He looked at me with the craziest look of confusion. "You're okay."
"Jack," He said, not breaking eye contact with me. He looked at me as if I were a stranger to him. His next words dropped my heart right onto the linoleum floors under me. "Who is this?"
"What?" I said in disbelief, laughing at his joke. I looked around at everyone who all went pale and stopped their happiness. No one else was laughing, and that's where my panic set in. The doctor let out a sigh, and signaled something to the nurse. "Ryan, babe, it's me Lauren."
"I-I'm sorry," he whimpered, it quietly coming out of him. "I don't know a Lauren."
"Get her out of here," The doctor said to Jack and Adam, who had the phone on his shoulder listen in to the devastating scene. "We can't have her in here until we know the full state of his memory loss."
"No," I said, my happy sob turning into a sad cry at the drop of a pin. I fought hard in my words to stay by his side. "I'm not going anywhere. I-If this was me, Ryan would refuse to leave."
"Lauren," Jack said, reaching for my hand but I smacked it away.
"No," I screamed at him as I hit the top of his hand like I was scolding a child. I turned to Ryan who was rubbing his head like a headache. "Ryan, you've got to remember," I said looking into his eyes. "The Columbia frat party, the movie Friday's, you asking me to be yours at the park, our first 'I love you',our trip to Ohio," at this point, Jack and Adam were grabbing at my arms to pull me back. "Our fight. Our fucking fight that spewed this all."
"I'm sorry," Ryan said again. "I'm really sorry. It sounds amazing though, except for that last part."
"Ryan," I whispered, giving up as Adam and Jack escorted me out of his hospital room. David Bowie was still playing in the background as the three of us left.
*
"The frontal lobe is where stuff like motor skills, problem solving, impulse control, judgement, and a multitude of other things," the doctor explained to me as I sat in the lobby. My eyes burned from the tears as my nose stuffed up from holding so much back.
I sat there taking everything in as he was saying it, trying to comprehend what was truly happening with the love of my life.
"The one big thing the frontal lobe does is memory, and is the number one area that is affected when damaged," He said to me, pointing with his ballpoint pen at Ryan's x-ray where his brain bleed was. "Where the hemorrhage occurred was where the long term memory is held. In Ryan case, with the tests we took, it looks like he can remember big things like his family, his career, and all of that prior to August of last year."
I let out a sigh and fell into my hands, starting to cry again. The big ball of sadness in my throat let loose as I cried, giving me relief.
"And from what his brothers told me," the doctor said, setting his hand on my knee. "That's the month you two met."
"So you're telling me," I said, sniffling. "That if I would have met Ryan just a month prior, then he would know who I am?"
"He would know if you, yes," he said. "But he would not know your relationship. He would probably see you as you two were the day you met."
"So I'm a stranger to him now?" I said, wiping a tear away. "I'm nothing to him?"
"Not the case," He said, patting my knee. "How about you go talk to him and meet him, spark conversation."
"I-" I hesitated, pointing towards his hospital door. "I can go in there and see him?"
"If you would like," he said getting up. "Since we ran our tests and proved the extend of his memory loss, it is safe for interaction. We just didn't want his short term to affect his long term and mess him up even more, to make matter's simpler."
I nodded and got up, Jack met me halfway from the lobby to his room and put his arm around me.
"Look on the bright side," Jack said smiling. "He gets to fall in love with you all over again."
*
"I'll leave you two alone," Jack said,clapping his two hands together and exited the room. I awkwardly sat on the couch that served as my bed for the past two days.
"Sorry about earlier," I said quietly, almost in a whisper. "I am probably the crazy girl."
"The craziest," he smiled, pushing up his new glasses. "No, you're not crazy. If anything, the memory loss guy over here is the crazy one."
I let out a laugh, shaking my head at his joke. My heart fluttered again.
"At least you didn't lose your sense of humor," I said smiling at him, still about ten feet from him. "I always loved that about you."
"You did?" He asked smiling. "Then you're the crazy one, not me."
"Oh stop it," I said, picking at the skin beside my thumbnail like I always did when I was anxious. I stood up to relieve some of the awkward tension in the air. "At least you have a sense of humor."
"What do you mean?" He asked, following my anxious pace with his eyes.
"You uh-" I laughed as I rubbed my eye. "You used to do this laugh that I could always tell was fake when I'd crack a joke, just to make me feel good."
"Really?" He smirked at me. I smiled hard at his smirk, something that made butterflies in my stomach do a dance. "What else did I do?"
"Well," I said, pulling a chair up beside his bed. I leaned my elbows on the mattress and rested my chin on my hands. "You used to sit on the counter as I cooked, waiting for me to hold a spoon up to you so you could taste whatever I was cooking."
"Was it good?" He asked smiling big. Gosh, it felt so good to see that damn smile of his again. "The food, was it good?"
"Well, I don't wanna make it sound like I'm this great cook, but you never complained," I laughed.
   "Can't wait," he laughed. "What else was there?"
   "You used to scare me while I was in the shower," I said, widening my eyes,making him laugh. "Damn, I shouldn't have told you that so you wouldn't do it again."
   He busted out laughing, covering his smile with his hands, one with an IV inserted into it.
   "You also used to play with my hair until I fell asleep," I said in a more soothing voice. "You would play with it as I typed my college essays, checked my phone, really anything I did before we fell asleep."
    His smile lightened as he stared at me, looking as if he was taking every minute of me in.
   "You would also do this thing where when we were brushing our teeth, you would push me out of the way to get to the sink first and we'd have our own little race, you always win."
   "I mean," he said holding up his hands. "I'm a beast."
   "Yes," I giggled. "That's what I love about you, your determination and dedication."
   He smiled and looked around the room as if he was holding back a question. I gave him a confused look and he finally spilled.
   "What did I love about you?" He asked, looking over at me with big eyes. I was flabbergasted at his question, not even knowing what to say.
  "I-uh," I said shrugging. "You never really told me why you loved me, just that you always did. There really didn't have to be a reason for it at all. I guess, you loved me for me. Yes, the girl on the outside, but also on the inside. The late night panic attacks, nightmares, troubled thoughts, you name it. You loved my demons because they were me, you helped them calm down tremendously."
    He let out a little scoff and looked down, shaking his head. I questioned him again and he looked back up at me, radiating that smile.
   "I'm just still wondering how a guy like me got a girl like you," he said laughing. I laughed with him as the hospital room door swung open. Natalie stood there again.
   "Natalie!" He said in excitement. She walked over to the side of his bed and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
   "I'm so glad you're awake," she said as she hugged him, not breaking her eye contact with me. She wore a devilish grin.
   "Did you know Lauren?" Ryan asked her as they pulled apart the hug. "I kinda just, uh, re-met her today, if you will." He laughed.
   "I did," she said letting out a breath. "A good friend, to say the least."
   I wore a disgusted look on my face as she slowly walked over to me. She bent down, giving me a fake hug and whispered in my ear so Ryan couldn't hear.
   "He doesn't remember what happened," she said into my ear. "Watch out."
   She pulled away from our 'hug' and flashed a quick smile.
   "Okay," She said. "I just wanted to stop by and see how you were. It was so good to see both of you."
   "Yeah," I said, giving her the eye.
   She waved at Ryan for a final time before walking out of the hospital room.
   "Is it just me," Ryan said, leaning over to me after she was out of earshot. "Or is she giving off weird vibes?"
   I let out a sigh and slapped my thighs with my hands.
   "Ryan, I'm gonna give it to you and give it to you straight," I said looking up at him. "She cheated on you on your birthday weekend with one of her dad's crusty stage guys."
   His jaw dropped as he took in that information I had vomited up.
   "Little Nat did wha-," he said, so shocked he couldn't find words. "We dated?"
   "Oh Ryan," I laughed, patting his hand with mine. "You've missed a lot, so let me fill you in on everything. Just sit back, there's a lot."
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