Kissing Lessons (jikook)

19: "I can't be friends with you anymore."

But he couldn't get the words out. Jungkook stared at the shorter who stared right back, his expression puppy-like, innocent, pitiful. Jimin was right there, and when he looked at the frowning lips, he remembered he had an alternative to using words.

Jungkook didn't smirk, he didn't pull the older closer, he didn't take him by surprise. Jimin didn't try and escape, he didn't struggle, he didn't squirm. He knew what was coming, too. He knew, when Jungkook took half of that small measure of distance away, that the words he'd expected to hear wouldn't be said out loud that night.

Jimin leaned forward without thinking. That only motivated Jungkook to carry out everything he wanted to do. He began with pushing his nose past the older's, with letting his eyes close and his lips to part in order to make room for Jimin's. So they were kissing now. They were kissing, but without any reason. Before, at least they had a goal to meet. They had to prepare Jimin for Ji-eun. The excuse wouldn't work anymore.

Jimin couldn't handle not having an excuse, but he figured it'd be easier to let Jungkook finish what he started. What he'd started, though, wasn't intended to finish as quickly as the older hoped. It took for the younger becoming quicker with his lips, stronger with his hands, closer with his body, to make Jimin realize it. By then Jimin didn't even want to pull away. He didn't want to escape. Being there was more than satiable and he was sick of not being satisfied. He was sick of being told what to do, being talked about behind his back, being used to the benefit of others. He was sick of not being able to do what he liked, of not being able to be with who he liked, of not being liked.

Jungkook took a small step forward, Jimin took one back. The taller reached blindly for the curtain and pulled it closed when he got a grip. He wasn't in the mood to shut the window completely, but in the mood to...

Finally take what he wanted.

Jungkook took backwards steps while pulling his crush with him. Finally, after all his waiting and thinking and excusing his thoughts with sexual frustration, he could be with Jimin without worrying if he felt the same way back. Jimin wouldn't have allowed it to get so far if he didn't feel the same way. He wouldn't have allowed Jungkook to lay him down on his bed, to pull him over into his lap and act out exactly what he'd been learning to do. Jungkook's hands only ceased off groping to get his thumbs under the hem of Jimin's jeans, to pull them further down just a slight bit.

Jimin slowed his lips, his pulling of Jungkook's hair when that happened. It was another wake up call.

"Your feelings for each other are just results of all the time you spend with one another."

"A romantic relationship would never work between two men."

"Maybe you could handle it mentally, but can you handle it physically, Jimin?"

The time when Jungkook had pushed Jimin to the bathroom wall to protect someone from seeing them together, to protect the rumor from getting worse, to protect Jimin's social image, that was the time he felt it first. The time he began to realize it, that is. Why had he been so stupid? It was obvious, wasn't it? He had all those hints, all those clues, all those little things that proved Jimin's long-time crush on his best friend. It scared him. At first, being teased by the younger was the best part of his day, but after two guys in middle school began dating and everyone started to shun them, Jimin had turned his feelings into homophobia without realizing it. And when the rumor surfaced, people were already starting to distance themselves, even Taehyung. So Jimin followed suit, distancing himself from Jungkook. All his efforts made him sour in the end. Throwing away Jungkook's hands when they touched him made him tired, reacting to his flirtatious comments made him rude, keeping his best friend at the far end of arm's length made him upset. And still, his feelings that he dismissed as envy, as jealousy, as confusion, remained right where they left off.

Only now, they were harder to ignore. They were louder, more greedy, more needy. He had a difficult time holding them in, and he had to keep them in. Even if what Jungkook's mother had said wasn't true, Jimin couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle that social pressure, he couldn't handle coming out, he couldn't handle being marked as gay.

Jimin pushed up from the wrinkled sheets, pulled Jungkook's hands from his sides and dropped them. He stood up. He brought his jeans back up. He zipped and buttoned them. He avoided the upset stare he received.

"I can't do this," he mumbled through swollen lips. "I can't be friends with you anymore." Jimin swallowed nervously. "I can't handle you having feelings for me."

Jungkook stared, lost. Hurt. Broken. A mix of those. A feeling he'd never felt before and didn't know how to name. The physical pain in his chest, that tightening, that sense of loss, that ache in the pit of his stomach, that. . . heartbreak?

He stayed in his spot on his bed, in paralysis, nothing but his eyes moving when Jimin went back to the window to retrieve his shirt. He wouldn't cry, not yet. Not until Jimin was fully out the window, not until he had it shut after him.

Only when his room was empty and quiet did he allow the tears to fall, and they fell for the remainder of that long night.

...

"I just can't focus when he sits in front of me. Can't you just switch me with someone? It doesn't matter who, as long as I'm not near him."

Jimin felt the stare on his back. He felt guilty already, for asking to sit somewhere away from Jungkook. Even though he'd tried to rush to that class in order to make it before his friend did, Jungkook had hurried too. He wanted to talk to his best friend like they used to, before that weekend happened. Deep down, though, he knew the two of them weren't friends anymore. Jimin hadn't been kidding around.

They'd gone to school separately that morning. Jungkook ate lunch alone. Jimin spent lunch grading papers for extra credit in English. The day before that one wasn't eventful enough to talk about. Both spent it either in bed or on the couch. At least they still had their class together, was what the younger had thought. But now, with the seat the teacher moved Jimin to, Jungkook wouldn't get any chance to speak or apologize or beg. He wasn't ready for their relationship to end completely just like that. He was willing to control himself if it meant being able to talk to Jimin again, even if it hurt.

In order to have something to blame, he let Ji-eun come to mind while he watched Jimin sit down in his new spot, while their classmates filtered in. If it weren't for her, nothing would have happened between them in the past week worth their friendship ending. Maybe they wouldn't be as close as they'd gotten, but making them so close and then suddenly cutting ties was an indescribable Hell. It hurt more than all the times Jimin made Jungkook feel bad combined, and he was completely willing to go back to when Jimin was mean. That bitch, Ji-eun.... 

He needed to confront her for what she did to Jimin. She must've led him on, just to break his heart. Jimin didn't deserve that, no one did.

But I'm no better.

On the desk, his arms rested, and he finally managed to tear his eyes away from the guilty male to lay his head on them. He'd stop being the way he was, and he'd give Ji-eun her wake up call before she hurt someone else.