The ups and downs of being Sapphie

Longsuffering

Sin is a drug
A drug so light but so potent
It makes refusal a torment
The flesh is always so irritated
The allure to take it is so captivating
The preparation ground well irrigated.
Clean start to a messy ending
Should we run or keep pretending?
Is this even fun anymore?
What did we gain?
Why instead of beauty there's a sore?
I can't believe this is it
We tasted paradise only on the first hit
How can we stop?
Where do we begin?
Is a prayer enough
To redeem our soul from Sin?
Our heart wants to change
But our brain and our body
Feel the need for another exchange
Where is every one?
Am I the only one who feels odd?
What do you mean, I'm overreacting?
"Nobody is perfect", they say and nod.
"Everyone makes mistakes"
"You're not the only one that's done this before",
"You'll probably do worse in the future"
"You'll look back at this and laugh for sure"
This voice in our head tries to comfort us
But it isn't making a lot of sense.
Everything has turned upside down
Isn't there an easier recompense?
Our flesh gnaws at us
Here comes the cold and the shakes
The feeling of loneliness
Weakness calling you at each step you take.
This must be an illusion
Could this really have been our lives?
Until now, I don't think I was ever the pilot
Just hoping for the best on the sidelines
God never promised us an easy road
Although we never expected it to be this hard.
We almost played out our lives
Thinking we chose the right card
We are now cringing somewhere on a floor
Honestly we don't think we can take anymore.
With all the vomiting, emptying out the pollutants
We feel sick even though we're healthy
It's just another hallucination
Because we even seem poor yet our God is wealthy.
It's been a long process
When will we get some relief?
It's a secret God likes to keep
But somehow it feels suddenly manageable
I must tell you thanks
Please keep refilling our tanks
We'll keep fighting
Even when our army is small
We did a lot of wrong things
Sin is a dangerous drug after all
The withdrawal continues
But to our weakness we'll never bow
I'm a stranger to myself now
But I've never been more familiar to God.

S. K. Malcolm