혼자 》Poetry

-=Suicide=-

We just stood there, in shock as we looked down,
so many questions running through our head,
wondering if we had just done something, anything,
then maybe things would have turned out different.

At the age of just 4 his mother told him he was a mistake
said that if she had it her way, he wouldn't be here today
she resented him, despised him, blamed him for everything
couldn't even look him in the eyes without being filled with rage
she would tell him that he was the reason his dad walked out
that from the day she knew she was pregnant everything changed
she went from being madly in love, getting high, drunk every night
to juggling two jobs and struggling to pay rent
now she' a single mum with no future and course
he's the one to blame
and she reminded him of this fact every single day.

By aged 11 he'd seen it all - drug addiction, violence, sexual abuse,
he tried to shut it all out as best as he could, but no matter how hard he'd try, it was no good
cos you see the problems kept growing, and just when he thought he'd seen enough -
he'd enter high school
under the false impression that this would be his fresh start, a chance to finally be himself, who knew
kids could be so cruel
They'd beat him, shamed him, spat in his food.
Mocked him, chased him, but somehow he'd make it through.
He was no longer living at this point, just struggling to survive,
but with no one to turn to what else could he do?

Wasn't long till the teachers labelled him a problem child,
said he was disruptive, an inconvenience, that if he didn't settle down he'd be kicked out.
Didn't even try to understand him, he wanted to push it all out but how?
he couldn't fight it anymore, he'd put up with it for to long
He no longer cared, he was getting angry now
Problems at school, the streets, at home,
where the fuck was he supposed to go?
By this point his emotions took over,
he was angry, violent, abusive - he'd completely lost control,
He was done caring about anything, he didn't give a shit anymore.

By age 16 he was walking in his father's footsteps,
lost and consumed by self hate,
took drugs to block out the thoughts in his head,
anything to numb the pain,
desperately wanting to get away, escape to a better place,
a place where he could call home, a place where he felt safe,
safe to face another day but that doesn't happen in the real world, see there is no light at the end of the tunnel,
not for people in this place.

Cos you see he wasn't a bad kid, he was just scared.
Left to fight this world on his own,
desperately wanting someone to care.
Wasn't long till he gave into it, he'd become someone he hates
No longer wanted to fight it anymore,
he'd accepted it, this was his fate.

And just like that he ended it.
No words, no note
Didn't even make it to his 18th birthday.

Sad thing is, given the chance he could've been great
but none of that matters now cos it's to late,
he can no longer be saved,
brought back from the grave to live another day
We live in a world where young kids turn to suicide as an escape
A way to finally feel free, because living has become their biggest source of pain.

Why do we never realise our mistakes? Why do we only learn when it's too late?
Local news will report this incident as just another case,
come up with excuses like he wasn't mentally sane
or how kids are so easily influenced these days
Give it a few days and you won't even remember his name,
Just another statistic - and so many people go the exact same way,
This is the world we live,
it's such a cruel world, it's such a shame.