혼자 》Poetry

-=Toxic Love=-

I gave you everything and it still wasn't enough.
It was never
enough.
You made me feel like I was nothing.
Made me believe
That I was difficult to love.
And like a fool I kept trying,
I kept trying till it became too much.
I got in so deep that I lost who I was

I knew it was toxic
I knew it wasn't right
But no matter how bad things got
I couldn't help but try
I told myself it would be different this time
I just couldn't give up

Constantly battling over whether this is love or lust?
Cause if it's love...
then why was it so messed up?
I would treat myself like nothing
Yet to you
I gave so much
And then you go and break my heart
Tell me that you're sorry and that this is a fresh start.
And like a fool I'd wait.
Wait for the day you'd make another mistake.

A part of me wants to speak up,
But I hesitate.
It's like you're controlling me you've infected my brain.
How do I escape when you've become part of my dna?
Even when you're gone
I'm still the one left with all the pain.
He said
he's sorry
He told me he didn't mean it and that he's going to change.
And I choose to believe him when he says he won't hurt me again.

I'm not expecting you to understand.
Go ahead
judge me
But if I lose him
I'll have nobody
Do you get that?
Who wants to live a life where they're alone and empty?
I need him just as much as he needs me.
In some sick twist of fate.
He completes me.
That's why it works
We just keep going
Till one of us inevitably gets hurt

So yeah
I choose to stay
Go ahead and call me weak.
I'm not expecting you to understand, just know that leaving someone,
is not that easy.
He's gotten into my mind and without him I'm paralyzed.
To the point where I force myself to believe him every time he apologies
Even though I know it's all lies.
Every waking moment I cry
I've gotten used to it.
It doesn't hurt so much anymore.

I've become numb to it
I've become sore.
And in some sick twisted way
he's my only cure
What can I say?
I'm incredibly flawed.
Love isn't like what you see on tv
this is what it's like
this is my reality
It's not as magical as they portray it in a Disney movie.
It's a lot of pain
and sacrifice.
You just keep pushing
Until you bleed.