The Pack

Procrastination.

So, people from Wattpad. Let me tell you about my beautiful procastination that makes me update like every week. And not every goddamn day. So, are you ready to come into this weird and honestly, crazy journey?

So, I have ADHD and I don't know if that has something to do with the fact that I never do what is expected of me. For example, I have a paper due in two weeks, well I think I have all the Goddamn time in the world so, I leave it for the last three days. Well, turns out I left A LOT of projects for those three days and then, I have assignments due in those days.

So, I just do them in class. How? Well, I live in Montreal and in my school, we only have four periods. It starts at 8h45 and it ends at 3h20. So, I just think. Like this:

"Well, I have an assignment/homework due for tomorrow and it's for English class. But then, I also have another assignment due for tomorrow but it is for Math class." And if I was a normal student, then I would start working immediately and try to do my best.

Well it starts like that, I sit in my desk and start working but after a good twenty minutes, I get bored so, I start doing other things and never end the work. And there's a good part of my brain that knows I have to do the work. But there's another part of my brain that just says "FUCK IT!"

And then, that same part of my brain start thinking 'logically'. And by that, I mean this:

"Well, we have those two English papers which were due like three weeks ago but then the teacher told us this was the last deadline and then she gave the homework due that same day. And the math teacher gave a paper and three pages of homework.."

A normal person would start panicking because that's four or five assignments due for the same Goddamn day and that person just became distracted and now it doesn't have time. You would pull an all-nighter, right? Well, my brain goes like this:

"We started like a fucking quarter of the two English assignments, okay then we just finish one of them."

I did that, I had to give a paper of why Oral Presentations were important and I started that but I was so impatient and bored that I gave less details each paragraph and it ended like this:

"And if you think about it, Oral Presentations are alright. Well, that's all folks, thanks to be listening to my TED talk."

I know it's very shitty and I will probably get called by the teacher and i Will get detention but my brain thinks it's done, so that's one assignment done. Is a shitty ending and I'm pretty sure that Youtubers don't need Oral Presentations but it's fucking done. Alright? Is finished and my brains believes that, too.

And the other assignment? Glad you asked. My brain goes like this:

"Well, our math teacher doesn't even explain well the work and no one ever does his homework and he doesn't care at all, so I will not to his work and I do the ENGLISH assignment in his class and then, boom! Work done and I don't have to suffer consequences!"

Another thing I have that MIGHT be my ADHD as well, is my non-existent study. Let's say I have a full fucking week of test that can count 20% of my semester and my semester alone counts 20% of my whole year. Well, everyone in their right mind would fucking study. 

I tried once and after ten minutes I called it quits.

I don't understand it, I mean, you read/write some notes and then re-read/write them until you get it? Or you just read/write them and that's all? Because I tried to write them and then read them but it didn't work, I asked a friend to ask me questions but it was the same result, I became frustrated and called it quits.

So, I don't study for my tests. And if you think it doesn't affect my grades, well then you're wrong. I don't study and I get bad notes in stuff like Math, French, Science and maybe English. Especially Science, that's the one I surely fail this semester, maybe English because I don't bring in my assignments  in time or never. French because I had like four verb tests and didn't even bother to study for them and got bad notes and Math because I don't understand shit! Like, I got stuck in chapter 1 and we're in five now!

Everyone seems to get it and if they don't get it at least they're close. I really am fucked in that part because I don't know how to get to the result nor I know what the fuck they're talking about. And my math teacher is really bad at explaining and he doesn't understand me and we both get frustrated and he just tells me to do my best.

So, I get bad notes in those subjects but the others in the other hand, I do good. History, Geography, Music and P.E, those I can have the luxury of not study and still get perfect notes because it's easy and it's way more fun than having to be stuck writing and shit like that for 65 minutes. Maybe that's an ADHD thing, maybe not. But I am left-handed and supposedly, we're good in artistic shit. Maybe is that or the ADHD.

So, my teachers don't know that I have ADHD and I don't have any interest in telling them any time soon, because they'll contact my parents and shit will form and I don't have time for that. I prefer to stay back and just drink tea as my academical life falls apart completely.  

It started when I was 10. The procrastination shit and it hasn't gone ever since. It actually gotten worse as you can read. Last year, I failed my second semester and passed by a fucking hair the last semester and I even swore to God that if he let me pass I would study hard this year and get awesome notes. As you can read, I broke my promise to God.

For example, last year in Science this is what happened.

First Semester: 87 out of 100

Second Semester: 60 out of 100

And this year may be the same, because I had two test in Science and this are the results.

First one: 85 out of 100

Second one: 46 out of 100

Writing in Wattpad is the only thing that I do and try to finish because I enjoy it. I don't update that frequently because I'm too busy panicking about my procrastination or just sitting sipping tea while my life falls apart. That's also the reasons I don't finish all my books or they just don't make sense.

They are incomplete because I lose interest in that storyline and move on and they don't make sense because I suddenly think of something that didn't follow my original plot but I am too ADHD drugged to care and just do in the moment. So, sorry about that. 

CAN SOMEONE ACTUALLY COMMENT THAT IM NOT ALONE IN THIS BECAUSE IM SLOWLY LOSIING MY FUCKING MIND?!?! AND IF THIS COULD BE POSSIBLE BY ADHD OR IM JUST PLAIN OL' CRAZY?!?!?!

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.