Secrets

Chapter 61

Louis' POV

I'm happy that I went and got this tattoo. I know she's scared about something happening with us with me getting it. I won't let anything happen. I love her. I know I've never been in love before her. She's been so many firsts for me like I've been so many firsts for her. She means so much to me. I'm not sure if she realizes how much she really does. I've never been with someone like I have been with her.

I know when I got this job at the school but I never thought I would date one of my students then fall in love with them and want a family. Honestly because of my past I never saw myself with a family or with anyone. I know I kind of want to find another job so her and I can be more open about us. It bothers me that I still have to wait months before we can be open about things. I know it bothers her. She doesn't bring up that it bothers her though. I don't want her to hide that from me. I know her and I have talked about a lot this weekend. I kind of want to talk to her about that. I know she's already kind of bothered by me getting the tattoo of her name. I know she didn't like the idea of it but she went along with it because I wanted it. 

I'm so happy that I found her. Honestly I'm not even sure how she still wants to be with me after everything that I've told her. I'm glad that she does. I love her and I don't even know what I would do without her now. I love her and I'm miserable without her. I mean I hate even going a few hours without seeing her. I can't imagine going much longer without seeing her anymore. I mean the longest I've gone is about a day and I was so miserable the entire time. I just wanted to go be with her. She was upset and didn't answer her phone or when I knocked on her front door. I don't think I could deal with that again. I want her to just move in so I don't have to deal with that anymore. I know then we would have to work things out then like we did when I took her to that lake house. I feel bad about it. I should have just answered her question and she wouldn't have been upset. I know we both fear losing each other. I feel like that would help with that. I mean it gets us closer to what I want. I want us to have a family. I know I want one sooner than she does. I understand since she's younger than I am. It's just I like the thought of it when her doctor said it was a possibility when she was sick. I know she's right that we should try to do that anytime soon. We would probably be caught and she wouldn't be able to tell people that I'm the father. I know she wants to be engaged or married before that happens. I'm willing to do that for her. I mean I didn't see myself doing that before. I mean I just thought I would be like I was before her. By myself and hooking up with random girls at times. Basically just worrying about myself. I don't even really worry about myself anymore. I just worry about her. She's everything to me. 

I still want to meet her mum. I know that her parents aren't really around. I feel bad that she has to go through that all the time. I can't believe before me she was really just by herself except when Niall was with her. I'm glad I'm around her so she's not alone as much. I'm happy she's around too so I'm not alone as much either. I mean Harry and Liam don't really live around here. They live close to that lake house that I took her too and that was a couple hours away. Maybe I should take her back there so she can get used to being around Harry and meet Liam. I mean I never knew she was shy till Harry came over on the day of homecoming and she hardly said anything and kept her head down a lot. I think it's so sexy how she's like that towards people. It just reminds me how innocent she really is. Her being so innocent makes me love her even more. I know that she's still not experienced but I love knowing that. It makes me happier that she chose to be with me so I'm the only person that gets to see her the way I do. Touch her like I do or any of that. She's defiantly the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know we've moved kind of fast but I guess it's because we haven't really had people around us. Honestly it makes things better between us. We don't really have people trying to get between our relationship. I mean there was Lauren but she wasn't even aware of us at the time and didn't even know that what she was doing was bothering Allison. She's just perfect to me. She can wear lazy clothes and not have her hair done and she's still the most beautiful girl in the world to me. She's perfect to me.