T R I G G E R W A R N I N G
slight mention of death and self harm
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Eren was allowed to stay with Levi until he woke up because his information stated that Levi didn't have any living family members except for Kenny, who was not allowed to see him for obvious reasons. Levi's wrist was stitched up and he was attached to some IV's because of how weak he was due to the lack of food he had been consuming. Eren stared blankly ahead of him, just above Levi's stomach from where he was sitting and wondered how he had allowed himself to leave Levi and causing this whole ordeal to occur. He stared blankly at the wall ahead of him just above Levi's stomach from his seat as he thought how great it could be if he could torture or punish himself. The reason why he didn't have the strength to punch himself in the face in that exact moment was that he knew that hating himself never helped with anything, and unfortunately he had to learn that the hard way.
Eren was intelligent when he had to be and he knew that being separated from Levi wasn't his choice nor was it his intention, but the guilt he was experiencing was far too immense for his heart and weighed it heavily to the depths of his misery- stained soul. He was drowning in it but he felt that he didn't deserve to be the one who was upset; he wasn't the one who was abandoned. He wasn't the one who wrote an email every day as a mechanism to cope with his loneliness. He wasn't the one who cut his flesh open, making his skin scream and sting. He wasn't the one who tried to drown himself when mutilating his skin just didn't seem to be enough. All of this happened because of him, and he was going to face it and own up to it. He bit his lip to keep his eyes from watering which only made it worse and started up at the blinding lights above him. He reached out to caress Levi's face but pulled his hand back because he felt that he didn't deserve to touch him any longer, that he had destroyed every last chance to do it.
Eren was frustrated, so frustrated that it made him feel even more rage targeted towards himself. He slapped his hands over his face until his skin burned, huffing into palms until it felt moist from his breath. At this point, he couldn't tell whether he pitied himself or Levi, or perhaps a mix of both. He heard Levi stir and quickly removed his face from his hands. With stumbling feet, he sat up and pressed his hands on the crinkled bed sheets as he stood over Levi. Levi's breathing was heavy and it sounded as if his nose was clogged from the cold. His dead eyes flickered open like an ancient lighter and his pupils rose to meet Eren's. Like his body, they were still as a stone as they began to focus more on Eren and soon he figured out what was happening; he was in the hospital attached to machines with an excruciating headache while the rest of his body throbbed because had attempted suicide. Although his body begged for him to keep still, he sat up so that he was on the same eye level as Eren.
With great ease, he lifted one hand from under the covers and slapped Eren violently.
Eren's head whipped to the side as he pressed one hand tenderly to his right cheek and stared at Levi with disbelief before wiping off the shocked expression off his face. He wasn't angry and he knew that he deserved it. If Levi had the energy, he would ask him to beat him up so that he would feel a little better about himself.
As soon as Levi sat up, he collapsed back down. The energy it took to produce such a slap was too immense for him.
"I thought... I thought you hated me," Levi began, his voice barely a murmur. Eren leaned in to listen to him better. "You have a lot to explain."
Eren couldn't take it; he just had to have some form of skin contact with Levi. He reached out to take his hand and pressed a firm kiss to it.
"I'll tell you everything you want to know when you feel better."
