A Different Divergent: A Better Tomorrow

~sixty-five~

Chapter 65

I stretch and pain courses through my abdomen reminding me that I gave birth to our little Peanut just a few short hours ago. I groan and move my hand to my now soft tummy. It feels strange after months of having her inside me to no longer feel her kicks, stretches, and punches. It actually makes me feel kind of sad. When I hear whispering, I open my eyes and find Tobias sitting in the rocking chair with the baby up against his chest talking to her.

"I'm not afraid of a lot of things, Peanut. That's how I got a name you'll hear from time to time: Four. Heights, confinement, following unjust orders, and Marcus - your grandfather but I'll save that story for another time - these things have followed me around, seared into my psyche. I couldn't shake them no matter how hard I tried. That is until I met your mother then I learned a whole new meaning to the word fear.

"I was so scared when Mommy went into labor on the train. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified that something bad would happen and I would lose her and in turn lose you but thank God we made it to the hospital in time. I actually breathed a sigh of relief. Then the doctors told me Mommy had to have an operation to safely get you out of her tummy before something bad could happen to both of you because of a disease that's partially my fault. I thought I would go out of my mind with fear. I felt useless. Everything was out of my control. I paced around the waiting room like a mad man waiting for news. My friend, Zander, tried to reassure me but I was irrational and inconsolable. I owe him an apology. But here you are, safe and sound in my arms, just as beautiful as I always thought you would be; although, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine you this tiny. And the love of my life is just a few feet away, resting.

"You're pretty lucky, Peanut. You have a mother who would climb mountains, crawl through glass on her hands and knees, and walk through fire for you. Never take that love for granted because not all Mommies love the way she does. I know that from firsthand experience. Hhm. That's a story for another time, too. You remind me of her already. You're brave, a fighter. No one is going to tell you what to do. You'll do things in your own time in your own way.

"I love you so much. I'll never do anything to make you doubt that. There will be times that we're mad at each other, you may even think that you hate me but I will always be there for you no matter what. That's what Daddies are supposed to do." She makes this pitiful little whimpering sound, and he tries shushing her but she doesn't quiet down. He looks my way and color floods his cheeks when he finds my eyes on him and realizes I'm awake. "You've taken up eavesdropping, haven't you, love?"

"What can I say, talking woke me up," I say. "Is someone ready to be nursed again? I can't find a clock."

"It's almost 3:30. You've been asleep a couple hours." He gets out of the chair, readjusts the bed so I'm in a sitting position, and puts that nursing pillow where I need it. He helps me with my gown again then hands me the baby. It's just as difficult to get her to latch on as it was before but once she does, she's a natural. A nurse comes in while I am feeding her and takes my vitals and checks my pain level. I feel foolish for wondering why that nurse earlier kept asking for numbers. Before she leaves, she checks on how the baby is nursing and announces that Peanut has a good suck for a preemie.

"I never asked earlier, did you tell Tyler about his baby sister being born?" I ask as I finish nursing her.

"No, I didn't," he says, "and I asked your mom not to give the surprise away. I did tell her that she could tell Tessa since she was itching to tell someone and I thought our little one could keep a secret." I laugh and grab my stomach then wait for the pain to subside. "Are you alright?"

"I will be. You heard what the nurse said, it's a lengthy recovery," I say. "Maybe you better take her. I think she might need her diaper changed anyway." He takes her from me and changes her first diaper.