A Different Divergent: A Better Tomorrow

~sixty-six~

Chapter 66

I stand under the trickle spitting from the showerhead in the birthing suite, letting the hot water wash over me. I don't remember such poor pressure when I took the quick shower after my water broke but it's probably because all I could focus on was the excruciating contractions. I don't mind though. I've been sitting in my own filth for the last three days and just getting to run the hot water over my body feels good. I have my cesarean incision covered so it won't get wet so I linger under the weak spray.

"Tobias?" I call out, knowing he isn't very far.

"Yeah, love?" he says.

"I need help." I think at one time I actually had some modesty around him. Not anymore. Because of my incision, I can barely move and bending is damn near impossible so over the past three days, he's given me sponge baths, dressed me, helped me on and off the stool, and gone as far as to wipe me. I tried to do it myself but was convinced that my guts were about to spill across the faded linoleum floor if I reached any further. Thank God that only happened a couple times. But now I need him to wash me. I flip off the water, and he opens the door. A cool breeze follows him in, and he tries to be quick. He lathers up a rough washcloth and washes my back then bends down and washes both my legs up to my thighs. He washes my most intimate areas then stands back up. "Thank you."

"That's what I'm here for," he says. He kisses my temple then steps out of the shower and closes the door. I turn the water back on then thoroughly rinse all the soap off then quickly wash and condition my hair.

"I'm ready," I say as I turn the water off for good this time. He opens the stall door and helps me step out into the chilly bathroom. He picks up an oversized towel off the shelf above the toilet and dries my hair then every inch of my body right down to my toes.

"Christina sent some panties you are going to hate," he says as he gets to his feet. Today, I get to put on real clothes since they are allowing me to go home.

"It isn't a thong, is it?" I ask, mortified at the thought.

"Just the opposite," he says as he pulls a pair of white satin briefs out of the bag he leaned up against the sink. I laugh then grab my tummy. "I've got to stop making you laugh, love. She told me to tell you they won't rub against your incision like your normal panties would." He kneels down in front of me and holds the very unsexy, practical lingerie out in front of me. Maybe this is a good idea. Zero temptation. I put my hand on his shoulder to steady myself then first lift one leg, then the other. When I'm back on two feet, he pulls them up into place. They remind me of Abnegation standard issue underwear. No frills, all function. He hands me the matching nursing bra, and after I slide it into place, he fastens it for me. "She tried to send something new but I thought you would want comfort above style." He's definitely right. He holds out a pair of old sweatpants in front of me and helps me into them. They are so loose that nothing hits my incision. He lastly pulls out a nursing tank top/sweater combo for me to put on. "I'll help with your shoes and socks when I get you back in bed." I quickly comb through my damp hair then let him lead me back into the other room.

"Do we know when they are going to discharge Peanut and me?" I ask as he pulls socks onto my cold feet. I don't think they've regained their feeling since I was in the icy operating room.

"Isobel said that she would be in later, although how much later she didn't say," he says. He picks up Peanut who is fussing in the baby bed and brings her to me. She eats every two hours. I think we could set our clocks by her.

"Come here, Peanut," I say. Even though it still takes a little work to get her latched on correctly, she is nursing well. Apparently, some preemies have feeding tubes, and I wouldn't want that for her. We're extremely fortunate that for as early as she graced us with her presence, she has had zero complications. After she was here safe and sound in my arms, Isobel finally told me what the risks were. I shuddered and kissed her little head and whispered how much I loved her during that conversation. She will never doubt my feelings.