A Different Divergent: A Better Tomorrow

~ninety-nine~

Chapter 99

I have never been more confused in my entire life than I am right now in this moment. I almost died? No, that can't be true. I don't feel that terribly bad. Tobias died. That I'm sure of. I lived it. I cried into his still, lifeless body. I laid my hand over his no longer beating heart. I felt the crushing weight of losing the only man I will ever love. My heart fractured into several small pieces, never to be whole again. I can still picture him lying there on that gurney, pale and still and feel the ripping pain in my broken heart. I slowly shake my head from side to side, not knowing what's real and what's not, wishing someone would turn off that annoying high-pitched beeping that's getting on my last nerve. Is this my mind playing some kind of cruel trick on me, making me think that the love of my life is here in this room with me? Am I dreaming? If I allow myself to close my eyes, will he vanish forever? I don't want to wake up and feel the suffocating pain of losing him all over. I know I wouldn't survive it.

"This isn't real," I mutter almost incomprehensibly. "I'm going to wake up and have to learn to live without you ... and I don't want to." My body shudders as tears obscure my vision, and my bottom lip quivers with raw emotion.

"Love, this is very real," he says, cupping my face between his palms, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. He looks so lost right now. "You were in a simulation." Simulation? I was in a simulation? I can't think that was a simulation. It was so real. "I'm right here, and I love you so much." He slowly leans down and puts his mouth on mine for a sweet, tender kiss. The moment our lips touch it's like an electrical jolt to my dead heart, bringing life back to it. When he pulls back, tears glisten in his eyes. I lift a trembling hand to caress his cheek. Do I believe him? Is he here? Is he real? Was I actually in a simulation and nothing I experienced real? That kiss seemed real. I still don't know what's real and what's not and that is terrifying for me. The irritating beep echoes around the room, somehow getting impossibly louder and faster.

"Four, you need to exit the room," Zander brusquely says. I didn't even know he was here with us. "I need to get Tris' blood pressure and heart rate stabilized. It's dangerously high. I can't do that with you here." I tense. I don't want him to go. I need to be touching him. It makes all this feel real. I see Tobias' face transform into Four's right before my eyes, and I can't stand the thought of either of them walking out that door. I just know if he leaves, I'll never see him again.

"NO!" I scream at the top of my lungs, reaching out and grabbing ahold of Tobias' shirt and pulling us toward one another. "Don't go. Please don't leave me. I can't handle it if you leave me again." The grating beeping sound only get louder, making my head throb painfully and my frustration level rise to an all-time high. "Would someone turn off that goddamned noise?" Tobias freezes at my outburst. He sits down on the edge of the mattress and gathers me up in his strong, loving arms. I feel his lips in my hair and his large hands on my back, and I sigh into his chest, breathing him in, relishing the feel of his arms around me. I cling to him, never wanting to let go. He feels the same. He smells the same, although a shower wouldn't be a bad thing. I never thought I would be in his embrace ever again. It feels right. It feels real.

"Four, you really need to leave," Zander repeats.

"I'm not going anywhere," he gruffly says, bordering on rude but when his eyes meet mine, his expression softens. "This isn't a dream, love. This is reality. I'm alive ... you're alive ... I'm here ... you're here. Everything is going to be fine but first you have to calm down for me." He starts taking long, slow, deep breaths and soon I realize I'm mimicking his every move. It doesn't take long before the beeping slows down. It's only then I understand the sound that had been aggravating me this entire time was my racing heartbeat echoing around the room through the EKG machine.