A Different Divergent: A Better Tomorrow

~sixty-nine~

Chapter 69

I look over my shoulder at Tobias' closed office door and suddenly feel very empty. How could this day turn so drastically? I know I should go back in there and work this mess out with him but I'm exhausted emotionally as well as physically right now. I absolutely hate it when we argue but I hate being in the dark even more. I turn the doorknob I didn't even realize my hand was resting on and go into the stairwell that leads to our apartment. I slowly drag each foot up one step at a time like I'm in no hurry when all I really want to do is sprint up the stairs, lie down on my big comfortable bed, and cry my eyes out.

Peanut starts whining before we get home but she doesn't fully wake up. I sway and shush her, and she quiets down. More than likely she has a wet diaper and is letting me know. I pick up the pace and quickly make my way to our apartment and up to the nursery. I carefully take her out of the sling and lay her on the changing table. While I take the carrier off and put it away, she wakes and really starts crying ... loudly. I check her diaper, which is wet just like I thought it would be. I take her onsie and diaper off and carry her into the bathroom.

I swear it alone is the size of our old bedroom, and it was not a small room. Sometimes I feel guilty for living in such a palace. It seems selfish for one person to have so much. Tobias would tell me my Abnegation is showing if I were to tell him that. Apparently there was some water damage in here also so it was remodeled with the same materials as the fireplace and kitchen. I have to admit, it's gorgeous. I get her little tub out of the large linen closet in the corner by our massive his and hers walk-in closets and set it on the large counter in between the two sinks. Then I get her baby wash and shampoo out of the cupboard closest to the sizeable walk-in shower where we keep our essentials and turn the faucet on and get it to the right temperature. I dip up some water in the little plastic pail and pour it in the tub to warm up the cold plastic then carefully lay her in it. She keeps her eyes on me while I carefully wash and rinse her wispy curls, softly cooing the entire time.

"You love your baths just as much as your brother and sister do, don't you, Peanut?" I ask as I gently wash her body with a soft cloth. She looks up at me, her wide blue eyes staring intently. "Do you know how much your mommy loves you? To the moon and back. You are one of the best things that ever happened to me." I grab her cute, fuzzy pink towel with the owl hood off the top glass shelf in the center console when I finish and spread it across a dry section of countertop on the other side of the tub. I carefully pick her up, lay her on the towel, dry her off, and then wrap her up nice and snuggly before she catches a chill. "Let's get a diaper back on you, baby girl." I carry her into the nursery and put her in a fresh, dry diaper and a clean pink onesie scrawled across the front in black with "My Daddy's Crazy in Love with Me" and a pair of lightweight black pants. "Do you want to take a nap with Mommy?" I carry her into my bedroom and lie her down in the middle of my soft quilt then climb into bed and lie down beside her. She turns her head and continues to stare. "You seem very content right now, my sweet baby girl." I stroke her damp, barely there hair. She softly coos then does something she's never done before, she smiles at me. It's like my frozen heart receives a thawing blast of radiant heat with that little grin. "Did you just smile at your mommy?"

"She smiled?" Tobias asks from our open doorway. I'm so glad he's home. I love sharing her firsts with him.

"Yeah," I softly say. He kicks off his shoes and climbs up on the bed, lying down on the other side of our little Peanut.

"I'm sorry, love," he says, reaching over and tucking a lock of hair that escaped my ponytail behind my ear.

"I'm sorry, too," I say.

"You're right. You deserve the same consideration I give to Tori and Will when it comes to Dauntless business. The problem is when I look at them, I see colleagues, friends so it's easy to treat them as such but when I look at you, I only see my wife, the woman I love. I just can't treat you like everyone else. My first instinct is to protect you from all the ... shit that rains down on us. I swear I'm not intentionally dismissing your feelings, Tris. I would never do that. You know that."