Still Holding On (A Daniel Howell x reader)

Chapter 3

Your POV

I was contemplating on whether I should call Joe. Or text him even. What if that isn't his real number? What if its like a way to track me? What if...? I then get a notification for Instagram.

I grab my phone and look at what it was. It was a picture of Joe and I at the coffee shop, laughing at what one has said. The caption stated, 'Looks like Joe finally got a girlfriend. Not a pretty one though.' It's true. I'm not pretty. I don't deserve Joe.

I stare at the piece of paper and try and stop myself from ripping it. It didn't work. I ripped the piece of paper in half and threw it falling onto the coffee table. I go sit on the sofa and start to stress. I don't know why but I'm stressing.

I get up looking around for food, but to my expectations, nothing. I haven't gone shopping in a little while. I just kind of shrug it off and walk back to the sofa. I sit down and stare at the two pieces of paper. I grab them and start to put them together to form his number again.

I sigh and tell myself that I need to do this, for my sake and maybe his. You get his number and decide to text it.

(Y- you and J- Joe)

Y- Hey. This is Y/n.

Almost instantaneously, he replys.

J- Hey! I thought you would never text me.

Y- Did you see that new post on Instagram?

J- No, why? Are you alright?

Y- I'm fine.... Just stressed. Its a picture of us at the coffee shop. We were laughing at something we said and someone took a picture. They thought I was your girlfriend.

J- Oh. Do you remember the account name?

Y- Nope. I'll see if I can find it later.

J- Oh okay. Would you like to come over to my flat tomorrow around twelve? My sister wants to meet you.

Y- Yeah of course.

J- Do you need my address or do you still remember it?

I  think to myself. Do I remember where his house is? Nope.

Y- Yeah I need it.

J- Oh okay. It is *************

Y- Okay thanks. Its getting late. I should be heading to bed.

J- Aw okay. Goodnight, Y/n

Y- Goodnight, Joe

I set your phone on the coffee table and rubbed my temples. Its been a little while since I went outside, so I am sore. Like unimaginablely sore. But it is so worth it. I would've never met Joe if I hadn't went outside. I smile at the thought of going over to his house tomorrow.

I pick up my phone and head back to my room. I plug in my phone and set my alarm for 9:30 in the morning. I had to be at Joe's around twelve so I need to get up early so I can get ready. I also want to clean up a little because its driving me insane. Yes, I'm a clean freak. I hate it, but I don't. I set my phone on the nightstand and put on some pajamas. Not just any pajamas. My favorite dinosaur onesie. (Its the same as Dan's. You didn't know that though.)

I slide under the covers and start to fall asleep. I fell asleep thinking of what would've happened if I was paying attention and not bumping into Joe. Would I get hit by that car?

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My alarm booms through the room, making me shoot up from my bed. I looked over at my phone and just laughed at myself. I turned off my alarm and started to get ready. I grab a towel from the hamper and head to the bathroom. I strip off my clothes and look at myself in the mirror. Tears started to form on my eyes. The words from the past still hit me like a brick. As if they had just said it. They called me words like 'slut' or 'hoe'. Stuff like that. Nobody liked me. They all lied and said they did like me. I found out that my 'best friend' was talking about me behind my back, telling another girl all of my personal problems. I became depressed from loss of friends and of course, my family. I was suicidal. I has started to cut, telling myself if I did, the pain will go away. The pain will no longer be there. That is until I read a book on poems. Not just any poems though. They were about depression and suicide. I read each poem, comparing myself to them. I kept reading and reading them. But when I read one, something changed.

Words from this poem I had read, stuck out to me. The words felt as if they were mine. As if they were saying 'I know how you feel. Don't hurt yourself.' The words felt as if they wrapped around my soul and tried to destroy all the negativity flowing throughout it.

"I'm sorry if this sounds selfish
But I wish you could stay alive just for me"

Phil would say something like that to me. Only he would say something like that to me. That's what I love about him.