Still Holding On (A Daniel Howell x reader)

Chapter 19

I frantically look around at my surrounding and see that I'm currently laying in a bed. Not any bed of course. Daniel fucking Howell's.

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I groan as I realise this. Really, anywhere but here. I try and get up but I gasp as the door whips open by none other than Dan itself. I give him a dirty look and attempt to push past him. Key word, attempt.

"Woah, where are you going?" Dan asks cautiously.

"Where ever I want to. Why would it matter?" I bark, not even thinking.

"Damn, I was just wondering. You were screaming."

"I'm fine as you could tell. Now, can I leave?"

"Why were you screaming?" He looks annoyed right now.

"Before I answer any of your questions, answer mine. How the hell did I get here?" I retort quickly.

"I brought you back here after you fell asleep in McDonalds."

"I fell asleep in McDonalds?" I ask, a little more sarcastic then anything.

"Yes. Now answer my question," he demands, making me laugh slightly.

"Do you want to know? Fine. I had a dream about killing myself and I probably was screaming at you. "

"Why would you be screaming at me?" he asks, generally curious.

"Because."

"Because doesn't cut it. Just because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed doesn't mean that you could be rude to everyone," he says, clearly annoyed.

"What if I'm not being rude to everyone?"

"What do you mean?" he looks at me, confused.

"You want to know why I was screaming last night and why I'm acting all hostile now?" He nods, straight-faced. "I thought you would've pieced it all together Daniel," I laugh.

"Pieced what together?" He asked, clearly confused.

"Dan, I was screaming at you. I had a dream I killed myself. I wasn't screaming because I did so. I was screaming because you didn't run after me because you thought that you would fuck up. Well, I'm here to tell you that you already have. I've known you for a day and I haven't felt like shit this much since high school. Congradu-fucking-lations Daniel Howell, you've made me feel like shit. You're the reason I killed myself."

With that, I leave his bedroom. I never want to talk to that bastard again. I know I said that last time but I promise I won't talk to him again.

I walk out and into the kitchen and grab two bowls. One for me and one for Phil when he wakes up. Dan can get his own. As if on cue, Phil walks into the room with a little groan.

"Oh, morning Y/n. How was your sleep?"

"It was fine except I don't remember how I got back here."

"Well, I got our food and when I came back, you were asleep on Dan's shoulder. I think you were having anxiety and Dan was trying to help you. You probably fell asleep because of exhaustion."

"Yeah, probably," I say looking away from him.

"So, why were you screaming in your sleep?"

"Oh, you heard it too? Fucking great." The last part came out as a whisper.

"Yeah, you were just yelling random things. Things about Dan, well mostly about Dan. Why were you screaming about Dan? Now that I say it, I don't want to know." I laugh at him.

"Nothing like that. Jesus. You think I would be dreaming about that?" I laugh.

"I don't know! I was just asking!" he laughs.

"Well, no. Nothing in that category. Dan and I just had an argument about anime. That's all. We didn't agree about something about Attack on Titan, saying either Eren and Levi should get together, which I still completely agree with, or if Eren and Mikasa should get together, which Dan agreed with."

He laughs, " Okay. I agree with you by the way. Eren and Levi are my OTP."

"Mine too. Would you like cereal?"

"Sure. Make sure you grab the lactaid milk and not the regular."

"Phil, I've known you since we were children. You think I would give you milk when you're lactose?"

"Well, you give me cheese."

"Milk's different though. You actually like milk. You don't like cheese unless it's with something," I say as I pour the milks into the cereal.

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, have you seen Dan?"

"I think he's in his bedroom," I groan internally at the name.

"Okay. I'm gonna go get him. Can you get him cereal please?" I sigh and nod, then he leaves.

Why do I always end up in this situation?"

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Dan's POV

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"Dan, I was screaming at you. I had a dream I killed myself. I wasn't screaming because I did so. I was screaming because you didn't run after me because you thought that you would fuck up. Well, I'm here to tell you that you already have. I've known you for a day and I haven't felt like shit this much since high school. Congradu-fucking-lations Daniel Howell, you've made me feel like shit. You're the reason I killed myself."

Before I can respond, she leaves.

What the hell just happened? We were fine then this morning it's as if she hates me. Does she hate me again? Like for real hates me? On another note, I'm the reason she killed herself in her dream? What did I do, other than make her feel like shit? Well, that's it but I hurt her.

"Dan?" I look over to see Phil in my doorway.

"Oh yeah. Sorry if I didn't answer if you said something. I was zoned out."

"I could tell," he laughs. "Anyway, do you want cereal? Well, Y/n's already out there making it, so... sorry I didn't ask first."

"Its okay. I'll be okay in a sec. Let me get dressed."

"Alright. I'll tell Y/n to wait before putting the milk in because I know how much you hate soggy cereal."

"Yeah," was all I managed to say.

It hurt knowing that I made Y/n kill herself. Even if it was a dream, it still hurt. Did I hurt her that badly?