NO ANGEL ★彡 S. MENDES

𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍.

shawn peter raul mendes.

as december struck, shawn was halfway through his album and eleanor was about to leave for japan. the warm winters were still strange to him as growing up in canada meant snow days and never having enough layers but it was pleasant compared to wondering if your fingers would drop off due to the agonising cold weather. he would often find himself going out in flip flops and shorts to the shops and then see shop window displays with christmas decorations and then stop and think, "what the fuck? this is not normal." and a moment later, he realised that it was la. and in la, anything was possible.

in the studio however, he felt as though he was home. he remembered scott asking if he was okay straying so far away from his comfort zone but he responded, "no man! it's so fucking awesome because i've finally found my comfort zone!" and eleanor sat in the corner giving him a half-smile, half-smirk and then laughed, "it only took him two albums and a fake girlfriend."

on that last night in the studio in la, shawn was busy recording the backing vocals for 'nervous' in which scott was convinced was about eleanor because of how shawn would always turn beet red when she was mentioned and stare at her when she spoke. while he was doing so, eleanor took a moment to excuse herself, not really seeing herself as needed. she walked outside onto the balcony and shut the door behind her and called back grace. one ring, two rings, three rings- "hey! this is grace michaels. sorry, i can't pick up right now but leave a voicemail after the beep."

a loud peep rang through the phone and eleanor breathed out. i'm really doing this. "hey grace. tomorrow i'm flying out to japan and it would be nice to have some company on my night off," she paused, trying to restrain herself from crying about how much she loved and missed her, "i missed you. i'll see you soon."

eleanor hung up and as soon as she did, she could feel the regret instantly wash over her. what had she just done? she had just welcomed the most toxic person she had ever met back into her life with open arms. it was just inviting grace to come and ruin eleanor over and over again and that wasn't something she was willing to go through.

she dropped her phone onto the floor, not caring about the screen smashed to pieces and it started ringing and through the shattered glass, she could just about read the contact name as grace. a tear slipped down her face and they kept falling as she kept her hands on the balcony railings to balance herself and stop her from falling to the floor and in that moment, she was grateful for the tinted glass on the doors that prevented the people inside from seeing her crying.

it wasn't full on sobbing or balling but tears of regret and sadness and embarrassment that she had to go to the person she hated most to try and feel loved again - even though she knew it would all be fake.

she breathed heavily in and out, trying to regain her composure. it was going to be okay. why was she trying to lie to herself? she was completely and utterly fucked. she urged herself not to think about the compromising situation she had just put herself in but rather stare out to the now black waters of the ocean that seemed to go on forever as the tears kept rolling down, uncontrollable.

she lifted her arm up and used the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe away her tears that refused to stop falling."good girls don't cry," an all too familiar voice rung in her head.

that seemed to shut her up.

the door behind her shifted open and she quickly wiped up all her tears and turned around to see who it was.

"hey eleanor," shawn said, sending her a small smile, "teddy and scott went back home. it's just us two here."

the look shawn gave her emphasised on the fact that they were alone together and the thought of the two of them together gave eleanor the chills.

"okay," she simply responded.

shawn furrowed his eyebrows once he say eleanor's red eyes and almost wet skin, the few lights on the balcony allowing him to see the colour drained from her face.

"hey, are you okay," shawn asked softly, placing a hand on her shoulder only for eleanor to shrug it off.

"i'm fine," eleanor dismissed his concern.

shawn frowned at her comment and said, "you don't seem like it."

"looks can be deceiving," eleanor cleverly responded.

"you're right. you're an angel, right?" shawn asked, getting a little brave.

"it's harder than it looks."

"what do you mean?"

"pretty girls don't know the things that i know," eleanor shut him up and then gave him a cold smile.

"what things?" everything that eleanor said only intrigued him more, it was like she was testing him: seeing how far he was willing to go.

"i know how to use myself to get what i want," eleanor smirked, tilting her neck to see him at a new angle, "and you shawn mendes, don't look too innocent either?"

shawn felt a lump rise in his throat. did she know his secrets? his secrets that he had been struggling to hide for years and was deathly afraid of spilling at the wrong time? play it cool, he told himself, act like you have nothing to hide.

"you look like a secret sinner," she observed.

only if she knew.

"so you do."

"how about we sin together?" eleanor proposed coolly, hiding her mess of emotions, raising an eyebrow.

"what do you have in mind?" shawn asked, curious.

eleanor smirked again, "something that will show you that i am truly no angel."

at her words, eleanor leaned forward and captured shawn's lips in a heated kiss, her hands tangling in his soft brunette curls and shawn reciprocated, kissing her back with equal passion and slipping his hand onto her waist and the other dipping under her shirt. to shawn, her intentions at that moment were clear. and did he want to along with it? hell yes. but he wanted more, craved more. so for the rest of the night, he loved her while she fucked him. so when he woke up alone in the morning, naked, he was't surprised. but a thought lingered in his mind: how could she just walk away?

a/n - this is the last of my prewritten chapters so updates might come a little less frequently anyway, vote and comment if you enjoyed <3 i also might publish an imagines book so if i'm lacking inspiration for this but i still want to write, i can. it also might help me with ideas for this because i'm not 100% sure as to what's going on here right now haha.