for most of the night, shawn felt himself freaking out and on the verge of tears rather than celebrating the start of a new era for him. he was more than surprised when eleanor told him to shut up on the phone and he couldn't say that it didn't hurt him - because it did, more than shawn would think it would. focusing on the soft piano in his ears and trying to even out his breathing, he came to a stop when the music suddenly stopped and he heard his ringtone and looked at the person calling him: camila.
he hesitated and then answered, "hello?"
"shawn! hey, how are you doing?" camila's chirpy voice spoke.
not good, and you're making this worse.
"great! i'm so excited for in my blood to be out!" shawn seamlessly lied (fake-dating eleanor had made lying a little easier for him).
"ah same! especially considering you didn't even let me, your girlfriend, listen to it first!" she fake-gasped, "i had an interview and they asked me if i've heard it and when i said no, they were so surprised! well, they still think we're best friends-"
"i know, i know. this one, it's special and right now it's still my little secret," shawn shrugged.
"i get you! that was me with camila - only it was my little secret from my fans. i was so excited! you know? my debut, it was me. just me. no fifth harmony, none of that mess. i was no longer camila from fifth harmony. i was camila, camila cabello!" camila exclaimed as shawn had no idea what she was talking about because he quite frankly didn't care.
"yeah, yeah," he quickly dismissed, "i, uh- i need to go. i can see andrew calling me. i'll see you soon."
"okay, i love you!" camila spoke brightly.
shawn then hung up.
he was tired. he was scared. he felt alone. the one person he wanted - no, needed to talk to didn't want to acknowledge his presence at all. shawn racked his brain for ideas and came up empty-handed. he checked his phone for the time - 12:01. in my blood was out. there was nothing he could do about it now, but breathe.
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eleanor anne kavinsky.
it had been a week since eleanor had last seen grace. grace had said that she needed to go to montreal to see someone she was doing business with and eleanor being eleanor, didn't question it one bit. but it was only when she called multiple times a day and was met with the cold automated voicemail tone that she started to wonder if grace was ignoring her.
quickly that thought was dismissed, and replaced by quick reassurances that grace was probably busy and that eleanor wasn't her number one priority (even though grace was eleanor'). before she knew it, waves of regret and mistrust washed over her mind, and she found herself panicking. her breathing became irregular and her thoughts were all over the place. had grace left her again? was grace cheating on her? had grace not loved her enough to stay? did grace even love her?
the one constant on her mind was grace, and it was not helping her. eleanor tried picturing grace's face. she had once heard that seeing a loved one's face would help calm someone down but oh, was she wrong. thinking of grace only seemed to worsen her state of mind and increase the feeling of uneasiness and panic within her. did this mean that she didn't love grace? because she was sure that she did.
eleanor dropped to the floor, her weak body not being able to handle her thoughts. her skin felt hot to her and she felt the need to pull it off and collapse and die. maybe then the anxiety and the mistrust would die along with it?
her hands reached out for something to balance herself on, to remind herself that she was real. and that happened to be her phone and the sharp edge of the coffee table, leaving a small cut in her skin. fumbling with her phone she used her face id to unlock her phone and found that she had last left her phone on the phone app, she quickly called the most recent caller that wasn't grace. her eyes were filled with tears and her head was spinning so reading wasn't an option. she just prayed that this person was someone who actually gave a shit about her.
"hello?" said an all too familiar voice.
"who is this? what's happening to me? why is this happening to me? why is my head spinning? why can't i think straight? am i unloveable? is that why they all end up leaving me?" the words rolled out of eleanor's mouth before she could even register what she was saying, and then started breathing heavily and she couldn't hear the sound of her own voice as she whispered over and over again, "i'm not good enough. i'm not good enough. i'm not good enough. i'm not-"
"shut up, eleanor!"
suddenly, a very clear and very loud voice interrupted her teary rambles and for once, eleanor listened to that voice and shut up. then it softly spoke again, "it's shawn. i'm here. it's okay. just breathe. i'm going to count one, two and three and you're going to breathe with me. got that?"
eleanor said nothing. but shawn seemed to understand her.
it went on like that for a few minutes until eleanor quietly said, "thank you."
"no problem," shawn said, "i would never leave someone who needed my help. some say that it's my weakness. and you know what? i agree. but i still do it anyway."
and with that, he hung up and left eleanor with a sea of questions drowning her.
a/n - why are all my characters assholes. also i changed up the playlist and now i have a cute ass graphic to go with it? wow, my mind.
