A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 1: SCENE 3

Fozzie opens the front door. Behind the door is a group of Carolers. The Carolers, a mixture of Muppets and people, are singing 'Here We Come A-Wassailing'.

Fozzie/Mr. Stahlbaum: "Oh goodie! Carolers!" [Sings along with the Carolers]

The scene moves to the garage where Gonzo and Fritz are picking up the chewed-up wooden ornaments. Clara is standing by the garage door, wearing an old coat and gloves, holding a trash bag open. Fritz and Gonzo collect the ornaments and give them to Clara. She ties the bag and takes them outside while they stay to sweep the floor.

Clara waves at the Carolers as she makes her way to the garbage cans at the end of the curved driveway. A peddler across the street from the Stahlbaum's driveway is standing by a stand with a red sign that says 'Wares and Wishes' in gold letters.

Miss Piggy/Peddler: [Shouts] "Wares and wishes for sale! Today only! Wares and wishes for sale!"

After repeating her line twice, she then bursts into a song about her stand with the townspeople getting into the song (even the ornaments and decorations sing along) to the rhythm of 'Dance of the Mirlitons'.

Ensemble Townspeople, ornaments, decorations, and Miss Piggy/Peddler: "(Singing/Dancing)"

After the song ends, Miss Piggy sees Clara opening the trashcan across the street.

Miss Piggy/Peddler: "Oh miss! Missy!" [Clara turns towards Miss Piggy] "Yes you!" [Waves Clara over. Clara, still holding the trash bag, walks across the street to her stand (after looking both ways)] "Would you like one of my wares?" [Shows Clara lots of Christmas ornaments and decorations] "Or would you like one free wish?"

Clara: [Says dryly as she examines the wares] "There isn't anything I want or need from your stand, ma'am."

Miss Piggy/Peddler: [Annoyed] "Then how about a Christmas Wish, missy?"

Clara: [Opens the trash bag and asks in sarcasm] "Can your wish magic restore these to their former glory?"

Miss Piggy/Peddler: [Looks inside the bag at the chewed-up wood and the broken nutcracker. Then scoffs] "All they need is a little sandpaper, TLC, and a fresh coat of paint." [Takes the nutcracker pieces out] "This guy, however, is going to need a lot more than just magic to fix him."

Clara: [Says sincerely] "All I need is for the pieces to be put back together and I'll do the rest on my own."

Miss Piggy/Peddler: "Is that your Christmas Wish?"

Clara: "Yes, ma'am. It's for my little sister."

Miss Piggy/Peddler: "Very well then." [Puts the nutcracker pieces on her stand. Covers those pieces with a fancy purple cloth. Waves her hand over it and when she removes the cloth, the nutcracker is miraculously put back together again] "Voila!"

Clara: [Shocked and awed] "How did . . ?" [She picks up the restored nutcracker and looks at Miss Piggy with her mouth slightly open]

Miss Piggy/Peddler: [Cheekily] "Christmas Magic, honey."

Clara: [Smiles] "Thank you, ma'am."

Miss Piggy/Peddler: "I can restore those other wooden figurines for you too." [Pauses] "For a price."

Clara: [Loses her smile] "But I don't have any money."

Miss Piggy/Peddler: "Honey, if I wanted money, I'd have price tags on all these wares." [Gestures to the wares] "What are you willing to part with in exchange for restoring all those other toys?"

Clara: [Thinks about what she can give Miss Piggy. Looks at the clothes on her back] "How 'bout these?" [She takes off her gloves]

Miss Piggy/Peddler: [Takes the gloves] "Yes, thank you." [Examines the gloves] "Oh, purple! Mon's favorite color!" [Takes the bag of chewed-up wooden ornaments. Then leaves. She turns her head back to Clara] "Expect delivery this evening at seven o'clock, sharp." [Then closes up her stand]

Clara crosses the street (again, after looking both ways) and is about to pass by a different trashcan when she sees a rat digging in the Stahlbaum's trashcan.

Rizzo: [Mutters angrily as he digs and throws stuff out of the trashcan] "They said she threw it away with the other chewed-up wood, so where is it?"

Rizzo then mutters incoherently about the nutcracker, his boss, and why he always gets stuck doing the dirty jobs. Clara stealthily hides the nutcracker inside her coat as she sneaks up on Rizzo. Just as Rizzo jumps out of the trashcan Clara quickly tips the trashcan over; trapping Rizzo inside.

Rizzo: [Screams as he tries to claw his way out of the can] "Hey, hey, hey! Let me outta here!!!"

Clara bangs on the trashcan until Rizzo's screaming stops. She picks the trashcan up and reveals a very disoriented Rizzo.

Rizzo: [Dizzily as birds are chirping] "Check, please." [Hold his hand up for the said check. Then collapses in the snow]

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [From behind Clara] "I was wondering what was keeping you."

Clara turns her head and sees Gonzo standing right behind her.

Clara: "I don't suppose you have something to . . ." [She gestures to the unconscious rat]

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [Holds up a steel cage] "I'm way ahead of you."

Clara and Gonzo put the unconscious Rizzo inside the steel cage.

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [After he locks the cage door] "I'll take this guy back to my house." [Walks away then turns his head before he takes more than three steps and sees the mess on the sidewalk] "What was this guy looking for?"

Clara: [As she picks up the thrown-about trash and puts it back in the trashcan] "I don't know. He was muttering about the chewed-up wood when I walked by."

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [Looks at Rizzo. Then at the garbage still on the ground] "I'll be sure to lecture this rat on the consequences of littering." 

Gonzo then continues his walk back to his house as Clara finishes cleaning up the mess. After Gonzo is out of sight. A traveling book cart passes by on the sidewalk. The driver of the book cart stops next to Clara.

Book Driver: "I saw you clean up that rat's mess, Miss." [He hands her a blue storybook with a silver Christmas Tree on the cover, titled 'Christmas in Toyland' in silver letters] "Take this as a thank you from everyone." [Calls out as he walks away from Clara] "Book Drive! Christmas Book Drive!"

Clara: [Watches as the man walks away. Looks at the book in her hand and shrugs] "Who says good deeds don't come with rewards?"

Clara walks back to the Stahlbaum Mansion with the book in her hand and the nutcracker safely in her coat.

End of Scene 3.