A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 1: SCENE 8

The scene opens with the blizzard outside the Stahlbaum Mansion. Then moves inside the now-darkened mansion. The embers in the fireplace are just about out. There's a small plate with cookies and a glass of milk on the table beside Fozzie's big chair, near the fireplace.

The unlit Christmas Tree comes into focus before moving to the Grandfather Clock as it strikes the third quarter-hour. The time on the Grandfather Clock is 11:45. And then the scene moves to Kermit on the upper staircase balcony, where he resumes his narration.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Quietly] "It is fifteen minutes to midnight. Fifteen minutes to Christmas. Everybody is all snuggled up in their beds. Getting dreams from the Sugar Plum Fairies and their Queen." [Pauses as some small sparkling purple dust flies over him] "However, there is one person still awake at this hour. Marie."

The scene moves to Marie's bedroom door. The door is halfway open. Inside Marie, in her bed, is wide awake and watching the blizzard blowing outside her window.

Marie: [Sighs] "I hope the storm is going to keep my sister from leaving tonight." [Another sigh] "But I doubt it." [She turns to the nutcracker, leaning against her pillow] "When my sister makes up her mind, it's almost impossible to change it."

Turns back to the storm. Sighs again. Then goes to sleep. From the hallway, Kermit is seen watching Marie settling down under the covers as sparkling purple dust settles on her head.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Turns to the audience] "After Marie falls asleep, the nutcracker stirs awake." [Pauses as the scene unfolds]

The focus then turns back to Marie and the nutcracker.

Walter/Nutcracker: [Wakes up and looks at a sleeping Marie then whispers] "Gosh, Marie sure is worried about her sister leaving." [Turns away and sighs, staring at his hands] "If I wasn't a useless piece of wood . . ." [Shakes his head then stands up] "But if I can't stop Clara from leaving, I can at least thank her for saving me from the garbage dump." [Shudders] "And the rats." [He jumps off of the bed and hurries into the hallway as 'The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy' plays. From the doorway, he looks left and right] "Good. There aren't any rats up here." [Moves further into the hallway] "Now which of these doors is Clara's room?"

From behind a corner in the same hallway, Kermit is seen watching Walter jumping to every keyhole and looking inside.

Kermit/Hoffmann: "Unbeknownst to the nutcracker, Clara has already left her room and is now in the kitchen packing for her journey."

*Music pause.*

Walter/Nutcracker: [After hearing what Kermit just said] "She's where?!" [He exclaims as he turns his head to Kermit]

Muppet Knick-Knack: "Shhhh!"

Walter/Nutcracker: [To the Knick-Knack] "Sorry." [Then whispers as he hurries over to Kermit] "She's where?"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Sighs in aggravation then whispers] "Why doesn't anyone remember they're not supposed to see or hear me, let alone talk to me?"

Walter/Nutcracker: [Whispers] "Sorry Mr. Hoffmann, but it's too late for me to ignore you now. Could you tell me where the kitchen is, please?"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Another sigh] "Down the stairs." [Points to the stairs] "And make a left."

Walter/Nutcracker: "Thank you, Mr. Hoffmann." [Follows Kermit's directions as the music resumes]

Instead of walking down the long staircase. Walter uses the garland to swing from the top of the stairs to the couch. He misses and hits the back of the couch instead before falling to the floor.

Walter/Nutcracker: [Upon hitting the couch] "Oof!" [Hits the floor] "Ouch." [Gets up and shakes his head then dust himself off] "I never was very good at judging distances."

From the balcony, Kermit resumes his narration.

Kermit/Hoffmann: "As the nutcracker makes his way to the kitchen, the hands on the old Grandfather Clock touch the number '12' and something very special and magical happens."

The focus is on the clock as gold dust emerges from the number 12 and spreads throughout the room and mansion. The clock then strikes the first chime of the hour. And the scene then moves to the kitchen where we see a bundled-up Clara shoving Granola Bars into her knapsack.

Clara: [Sighs] "OK. That's everything."

She throws the knapsack over her shoulder, picks up a pair of snowshoes, and is about to leave for the side door to the garage when Walter stops her.

Walter/Nutcracker: [Shouts from the floor by the food closet] "Hey! Wait a minute!"

Clara freezes in her steps and looks around for the source of the voice.

Walter/Nutcracker: "Down here!" [Waves his arms about]

Clara looks down, sees Walter, and all but drops her stuff as her eyes widen in disbelief.

Clara: [In a slightly stunned tone] "This can't be happening."

Walter/Nutcracker: "You can't go out there in that blizzard! You'll freeze to death!"

Clara walks over to Walter, crouches down, and gently pokes Walter's hat.

Walter/Nutcracker: [In response to Clara's poking] "Yes, yes, I'm alive and talking."

Clara: [Incredulously] "A wooden toy is talking to me." [Smacks herself on the forehead before dragging her hand down her face] "After all these years of hearing and seeing things that don't or shouldn't exist, I've finally lost my mind."

Walter/Nutcracker: "What makes you say that?"

Clara: "Wooden toys don't talk. They especially don't get up and walk on their own either." [Pauses then adds] "At least not in real life."

Walter/Nutcracker: "Ordinary toys don't. But I and many of my friends come from Toyland where they do." [Pauses as he takes an annoyed stance] "Also, I'm not a toy." [At Clara's skeptic eyebrow he adds] "Yeah, yeah, I may look like a toy, but I didn't use to be one."

He then sings a song about what and who he used to be before he was turned into a nutcracker doll; dancing around the kitchen as 'Chocolate/Spanish Dance' plays. The vegetables and even Clara sing along.

Walter, muppet kitchen knick-knacks and veggies ensemble, and Clara: "(Singing/Dancing)"

Walter/Nutcracker: [After the song ends] "And that's the whole story."

Before Clara could say anything, a crash is heard from the room with the Christmas Tree. Both Clara and Walter turn their heads to where the noise came from.

Clara: [In response to the noise] "What was that?"

Walter/Nutcracker: [With an angry face] "I've got a pretty good idea!" [Turns to Clara] "Lift me up and take me to the Christmas Tree, please."

Clara does as Walter asks and together they make their way, in the semi-dark, to the Christmas Tree room as 'The Battle' starts to play.

End of Scene 8.