A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 1: SCENE 6

The Christmas Dinner is now over, and everyone has returned to the Ballroom. The Electric Mayhem is playing 'White Christmas' instrumentally, and everyone is dancing with a partner, except for the smaller children who are being entertained by Gonzo's magic tricks. Fritz is dancing with Emily, Marie is dancing with Fozzie, and Clara is dancing with a nineteen/twenty-year-old boy. While on the upper staircase, Kermit resumes his narration.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Stands and looks out at the dancing couples before addressing the audience] "With the Christmas Dinner over, the Ball resumes with a Couples Dance." [Points out our main characters] "As you can see, Fritz is dancing with Mrs. Stahlbaum. Marie is dancing with Mr. Stahlbaum. And last but not least, Clara is dancing with her boyfriend and Barnaby's great-nephew." [Places his hand beside his mouth] "She doesn't know that he's Barnaby's nephew, but don't worry; he's nothing like his uncle. In fact, he's the exact opposite of his uncle." [Removes his hand and continues to watch the dancers]

As the Electric Mayhem's song finishes, the Grandfather Clock strikes the seven o'clock hour and a knock on the front door is heard. The dancers and everyone stop what they are doing and all turn their heads to the door as 'Arrival of Drosselmeyer' score plays.

Fozzie/Mr. Stahlbaum: [Turns to his mother] "Are we expecting anyone else, Ma?"

Emily/Mrs. Stahlbaum: [Shakes her head] "No. Everyone we've invited is here already."

Marie: "Maybe it's one of your friends who said they couldn't make it but arrived anyway."

Fritz: "Or a stranded traveler. Or more Carolers."

Amidst the nodding of heads, Clara goes to the door and opens it. From inside we see a snowstorm just beginning to become a blizzard. Wind is heard as Miss Piggy enters the mansion with a large purple velvet bag in front of her.

Miss Piggy/Peddler: [Straining to carry the large purple velvet bag, she grunts and says] "Thank you." [Grunts again as Clara closes the door. Then after she enters the living room, she puts the bag down] "Here is your delivery. At seven o'clock sharp." [She then sees everyone staring at her from the Ballroom entranceway. She waves] "Hello and Merry Christmas." [To Fozzie and Emily Bear she asks] "Could I trouble you for the use of your facilities, please?"

Emily/Mrs. Stahlbaum: [Points upstairs] "Up the stairs. First door on your right."

Miss Piggy/Peddler: "Thank you." [Runs up the stairs]

Fozzie/Mr. Stahlbaum: [To Clara] "Who was that, Clara?"

Clara: [Shrugs] "Just someone who was selling wares across the street when I went to throw away the chewed-up wood." [Looks at the bag] "She offered to fix them, so I gave her the bag and she said she'd deliver them at seven."

From the upstairs balcony, Kermit resumes his narration.

Kermit/Hoffmann: "The peddler is actually the Sugar Plum Fairy Queen in disguise. She comes from the magical realm of Candyland. Not only has she restored the ornaments to their former glory, but she has also turned them into toys." [The Grandfather Clock is now striking the quarter hour] "This is the point of the Stahlbaums' annual Ball where Mr. Stahlbaum would announce the gift exchange just before he reads a Christmas story to everyone."

The Electric Mayhem stops playing and get off the stand. Everyone gathers around as Clara opens the bag. Inside the bag are the wooden toys fully restored to their glory. Amidst the 'Ohs and ahs' Robin, one of the orphans from the church, tugs on Fozzie's Frock Coat.

Robin: "Excuse me, Mr. Stahlbaum." [Pauses as Fozzie turns his head to Robin] "Isn't it about time for the gift exchange?"

Fozzie/Mr. Stahlbaum: [Pauses then he exclaims] "Oh yeah!" [Clears his throat] "Everybody!" [Pauses as everyone turns their attention to him] "It is time for the gift exchange! And I can't think of a more worthy gift than what Clara, and the peddler, have brought to us!"