A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 2: SCENE 2

The scene opens with Marie trapped in Mortimer's Lair, which is in McMooch's basement. Lots of broken junk and furniture, plus a mirror littered the walls and floor. A short staircase leads to a door in the back with a tiny window in the top right. In the basement, a furious Marie was shouting, screaming, and yelling many things; but mostly was the demand to be released.

Marie: [Angrily paces back and forth while throwing this, that, and the other thing at the walls and only door] "Let me outta here! Let me go! You can't DO this!!! Help! Help! HELP!!!!"

The scene then moves from the basement to the floor right above the basement. Dust covered almost every surface, except the cushioned chairs and sofa. An old, moth-eaten rug is in the center of the room. The walls are gray and bare, a window with broken glass is to the left with dirty, moth-eaten black curtains.

Marie's cries are barely heard as Mortimer and McMooch are sharing a drink of mulled cider toasting their success.

McMooch/Barnaby: [After they clink their mugs together] "With Marie as our hostage. Clara will have no choice but to marry me."

Mortimer/Rat King: "I don't really need to marry anyone, but ruining Christmas is my plan."

They both laugh evilly as they clink their mugs again and drink mulled cider. Then they start singing a villainous song about their evil plans to the rhythm of 'The Magic Spell'. Many muppet cockroaches and dust bunnies join in.

Mortimer, McMooch, cockroaches, and dust bunnies: "(Singing)"

As the song ends, the scene returns to the basement. Marie searching for a way out. She grunts as she presses her weight against the locked door.

Marie: "Open sesame." [After trying three times, repeating the same line, she gives up then moves away from the door and looks under the broken furniture] "Come on! There's got to be a way out!"

A voice in the darkness says: "There isn't one."

Marie: [After a startled yipe she demands] "Who's there? Show yourself!"

From the shadows in a corner, Sweetums stands up and walks into the meager light from the tiny basement window.

Sweetums: [Waves] "Hi there."

Marie: [Blinks in surprise then looks Sweetums up and down] "Who - What are you?"

Sweetums: "My name is Sweetums. I'm an ogre."

Marie: [Holds her hand out] "I'm Marie. I'm a human."

Sweetums: [Shakes her hand then bows down low after hearing her name] "It is a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness."

Marie: [Confused] "Why did you call me that? I'm not a princess or anything."

Sweetums: [Still kneeling, he shakes his head] "Oh, but you and your sister are princesses." [Stands up as he explains] "You see, several years ago, there was a war between the rats and the magic realms: Toyland and Candyland. During the first battle, the Queen of the Sugar Plum Fairies hid you and your sister in the Other Realm." [Pauses as he finds an unbroken stool and sits down] "You'd better make yourself comfortable. This story may take a while."

Marie: [Sits on the floor] "Mr. Stahlbaum already read that story to everyone. It cut off in the middle of the battle between the Rat King and Toyland's Prince. After that, Father Sam said we can write our own endings and tell each other in the morning."

Sweetums: "The storybook ended there because Barnaby erased the other pages." [Leans closer to Marie and whispers] "Because inside the book is the way for the prince to break his curse."

Marie: [Nods in understanding] "And he doesn't want anyone to find how to reverse the curse."

Sweetums: [Also nods then says in his regular voice] "That's why he erased half the book and kidnapped the heirs." [Notices that she's the only one] "But since he just has you, his plan to erase Christmas won't happen."

Marie: "He wants to marry my sister, and what was that about erasing Christmas?"

Sweetums: "Barnaby hates Christmas and the holiday season more than anything. During the battle, he heard King Goodwin promise the Prince of Toyland the hand in marriage of either of his daughters if he wins the battle. That's why he turned the prince into a wooden nutcracker. With the promise still valid, even if the battle is in a deadlock, he can seize power. Since then, he took over Toyland and imprisons anyone who puts up holiday decorations and sings carols." [Gestures to himself] "And if anyone even says 'Merry Christmas' he fines them so high they get dizzy from lack of oxygen."

Marie: "Why does he hate Christmas so much?"

Sweetums: [Shrugs] "Some people just don't like seeing anyone happy and celebrating. But as long as he doesn't marry one of the princesses, he can't erase Christmas."

Marie: [Exclaims in sudden clarity] "That's why he wants my sister to marry him! If we really are the princesses from the story, then if he marries Clara he can erase Christmas!" [Gets up and rushes about the room] "Help me, Sweetums! We've got to escape and warn my sister of Barnaby's plans!"

Sweetums: [Sadly shakes his head] "It's no use, Marie. There's no way out except through that door." [Points to the locked door] "And the hidden door underneath this stone." [Taps his foot against said stone]

Marie: [Says incredulously as she hurries to the stone] "Really? There was another way out and you didn't use it to escape from this room."

Sweetums: "I was waiting for someone else to get thrown down here so we could escape together."

Marie: [Shakes her head and sighs as she tries to lift the stone] "Help me lift this thing, please."

Sweetums: [Gets up from his stool] "At your service, Your Highness."

Marie: "And please don't call me that. Just Marie will do."

They lift the stone, which turns out to be as long and tall as Sweetums himself.

Sweetums: [As he's lifting the stone] "Sure thing, just Marie."

Then both Sweetums and Marie escape from the basement together.

End of Scene 2.