A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 2: SCENE 1

The caves where everyone is following Rizzo are narrow, with grey, green, and purple stalactites and stalagmites. They all have to walk in single file. In these tunnels, Clara notices everyone has shrunk down to the size they were before.

Clara: "Am I seeing things? Or did everybody here just shrink?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Turns to Kermit] "You going to answer that question?"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Sighs] "I don't think I can explain it, but the gist of what I think happened is that while you needed to shrink down to fit through that hole, everyone's size adjusted to these tunnels. We all should regain our natural sizes by the time we reach Toyland."

After a short while, the path takes them to a stone bridge. On the other side is a split path. They all held hands as they crossed the bridge. When they reached the other side, Rizzo addresses the group.

Rizzo: [Turns to everyone and says nervously] "For the record, I did not lead you on a wild goose chase. There was never a split path whenever the other rats and I used these tunnels."

Walter/Nutcracker: [Says mistrustingly] "So which path do we take then?"

Rizzo: [Dryly] "Ask the narrator."

Kermit/Hoffmann: [As everyone is looking at him] "Who me?"

Clara: "You are the only one who read the script front to back. Several times I might add. You must know what we can expect."

Kermit/Hoffmann: "Hmm, good point." [Pauses and rubs his chin as he thinks] "Um, unless a lot has changed since the script was burned, either pathway should take us to Toyland."

Pepe: "Does this mean we're splitting up?"

As everyone looks at each other.

Clara: [Sighs] "We might as well. Who's going with whom?"

Walter/Nutcracker: "I still don't trust this rat, I'm going with him."

Rizzo: [In agravation] "Would it kill you to use my name?"

Walter/Nutcracker: "Would it kill you to use mine?"

Rizzo: [Shouts] "I don't even know your name! How can I use it?"

Walter opens his mouth to tell Rizzo his name. But nothing comes out. Puzzled, he clears his throat and tries again. Nothing comes out and he starts coughing.

Rizzo: [Says with contempt] "Well, what do you know? You don't even remember it."

Walter/Nutcracker: [Insulted, he exclaims] "I do so remember!" [Draws his sword out and points it to Rizzo] "You rats and Barnaby did something to it!"

As the two of them are glaring and growling at each other, Miss Piggy steps between them.

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: "Alright, alright! Break it up you two!" [Turns her head to Walter as she says] "Technically I wasn't there when Barnaby turned you into a nutcracker, but I would guess being unable to say your name is part of the spell." [Turns her head to Rizzo and demands] "This was your king's plan; how do we break the spell?"

Rizzo: [Exclaims indignantly] "How should I know? I wasn't even in the book!"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Turns to Kermit] "Do you know how to break the spell, Mr. Hoffmann?"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Rubs his chin again as he thinks of an answer] "Well, we're pretty much making the story up as we go along. But were I to guess, the nutcracker would probably have to defeat both Barnaby and the Rat King, plus rescue Marie, to break the spell."

Walter/Nutcracker: [Raises his sword in a salute] "With pleasure, Mr. Hoffmann."

Rizzo: [Says defensively as he picks up a rock] "If you think I'm going to let you do anything to our king, you got another thing coming!"

Miss Piggy is pushed out of the way as Rizzo and Walter take fighter stances. Before they attack each other, they are reluctantly pulled away by Clara and Miss Piggy. During the scuffle, Kermit whistles loudly.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [After he whistles] "Alright now, listen up and listen tight!" [Places his hands on his hips angrily] "This is how things are going to work!" [After everyone is looking at him] "I will take the tunnel on the right." [Points to the tunnel] "Everyone else will follow Rizzo down the tunnel on the left." [Points to the other tunnel] "Got it?!" [After everyone nods] "Good!" [Faces the right tunnel] "Now, to Toyland!" [Leaves as he heads down the his chosen tunnel]

Pepe: [After Kermit is out of sight] "That went well."

End of Scene 1.