A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 2: OPENING SCENE

For Act 2, we open the scene with 'Coffee/Arabian Dance' playing. Everyone is in the kitchen where the Swedish Chef is gently wrapping Clara's burned hands. Miss Piggy is using her wandless fairy magic to fix up the beaten and slightly broken toys, with Pepe's help, as Walter and Gonzo are interrogating a caged Rizzo on a table. Kermit is sitting on the counter with his chin in his hands, no longer narrating, as what happened was completely off the script.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Sighs from the counter where he and several toys are sitting] "I can't believe the Rat King burned the script."

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [Scoffs] "I'll say. Most of us haven't finished reading it. And now we don't know how the movie will end."

Pepe: "So what do we do now?"

Clara: [After the Swedish Chef is done wrapping up her hands] "We go after them." [At everyone's incredulous look she adds] "It's the only option. I need to get my sister back. Plus, I would like to give that rat some payback." [Is about to make a fist and punch her hand when she remembers her burns. She turns to the Swedish Chef and asks] "I can't make a fist and punch my hand, would you mind?"

In his accent, he says "No problem" and makes his own fist and punches his own hand himself.

Clara: "Thank you." [Turns back to everyone] "Does anyone know how to get to the Rat King's Lair?"

Everyone turns their heads to Rizzo.

Rizzo: [Looks at everyone who's staring at him then sighs] "Fine, I'll help." [Points to Clara as he adds] "But only because she saved me from becoming Rat Soup! And from being burned to ashes!"

Walter/Nutcracker: [As Gonzo opens Rizzo's cage] "I don't trust this rat! Are you really going to let him out?"

Rizzo: [Insulted] "Hey, the name is Rizzo! Riz-zo! And even us rats pay our debts." [Once he's out, he climbs down the table] "Just so you know." [He adds as he turns to everyone] "The journey isn't going to be a picnic, so stay close and be careful." [Stops at the doorway and turns to Clara] "By the way, you said us rats have done nothing but make you and your sister's lives miserable. What happened in the other room aside, what did you mean?"

Clara: [Wrapped hands on hips] "Whenever my sister or I would receive something, rats would either chew it up or eat it. And before you ask, I'm talking about objects of sentimental value."

Rizzo: [Solemnly] "Oh . . . sorry."

Then everyone follows him to the living room. They enter as the Grandfather Clock chimes the second chime of the Midnight Hour.

Clara: [Upon seeing the windows still open] "Hey, Rizzo." [Rizzo turns to her] "What was in that glass bottle? The one that had the green stuff."

Rizzo: "Trust me, sister, you don't want to know. But long story short." [Looks at Walter and points to him] "Pinocchio here would have become a permanent inanimate object if that stuff touched him."

Walter/Nutcracker: *Gulps*

Rizzo leads the group to the garage. He pushes aside several boxes revealing the only hidden door to Toyland in the mansion. The door itself is sparkling with gold dust with a golden swirl in the center.

Rizzo: "Okay, now everyone can not come with us. For reasons I don't know, only a handful can come with me. So, who's staying behind?"

Dr. Honeydew: "I can explain those reasons." [Addresses the audience] "There is magic in these Christmas toys as there is in those who were born and live in the magical Christmas realms. If too many leave this world, there won't be any magic left, and time itself, not to mention the Christmas realms, will cease to exist. So some of us have to stay. Beaker and I volunteer."

Beaker: [Nods] "Mee-meep!"

The Swedish Chef says, in his accent, that he has to stay so he can cook the Christmas Feast in the morning. Many of the wooden toys agree to stay and keep the magic alive.

Pepe: "I'll go."

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [To those staying behind] "You guys are going to need help, so I'll be staying too. Besides, I promised the Stahlbaums I'd be here for Christmas."

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: "I'm going, but I need to get something first." [Begins to leave] "Be back in a jiffy." [Leaves the garage]

Rizzo: "Okay, so that means the ones who are going are: Clara, Nutcracker, Pepe, The Sugar Plum Fairy Queen; anyone else?" [After no one answers] "Alright then." [Turns to the hole] "Follow me."

Clara: "Hold it, Rizzo." [Grabs Rizzo before he can go any farther] "How exactly am I supposed to fit inside that hole?"

Rizzo: [Looks at Clara, then the hole. After realizing that she's too big, he asks] "Anyone got any magic to shrink her down to toy or at least rat size?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Arrives back] "I do, I do." [Holds out a new purple wand] "Just stand over there, missy."

Clara does as she's told. Then, as Miss Piggy waves her wand, sparkling purple dust comes forth from it and surrounds Clara. She is then magically shrunk down to the size of a toy.

Rizzo: "Is that everything and everyone?" [When he sees no one else raising their hand] "Then off to Toyland!"

Rizzo is the first to enter the hole. Then Pepe. Clara and Walter. Until finally, the only ones left are Miss Piggy and Kermit.

Gonzo/Drosselmeyer: [Shouts] "Good luck!"

He and the others then exit the garage, leaving Miss Piggy and Kermit.

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Sees Kermit just standing there] "Aren't you coming with us?"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Surprise] "Me?!" [Frantically shakes his head and exclaims] "I'm just the narrator. I only tell the story. I don't get involved in it."

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Annoyed, she grabs his hand and states] "You do in this version. Now let's go!"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Stutters] "B-but, but- Wah!" [Piggy yanks on his arm so hard that his hat and wig fall off as they jump into the vortex]

End of Opening Scene.