A Merry Muppet Mash-Up

ACT 1: SCENE 7

As 'Arrival of the Guest' plays, the Grandfather Clock is striking the nine o'clock hour. People and Muppets are dancing, munching on treats, or drinking punch from the serving tables. Or, in the orphans' case, playing with their new wooden toys and writing their endings. They had already sent some of the smaller children off to bed in one of the many guest rooms.

On the second floor's balcony, Kermit and Miss Piggy are watching the Ball as it ends; as well as discussing the events that happened in the book.

Kermit/Hoffmann: "What happened to those two babies, Your Majesty?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: "I took them both to the same orphanage that Sam is running."

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Looks down at the orphan girls] "Which of the girls down there are the royal twin heirs of Candyland?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Also looks down at the girls] "Um. . . That's a good question."

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Sharply turns to Miss Piggy and exclaims] "How could you not know? You're the one who brought them here!"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Annoyed] "Yes and when I did, a good number of years passed between deliveries!"

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Face palms] "In other words, the twins are no longer twins! Just sisters that share a birthday!"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: "Maybe that's a good thing, Frog! This way, that awful Rat King can't find them!"

From behind them, Sam Eagle appears.

Sam Eagle/Father Sam: [Whispers intensely] "Would the two of you keep it down? I just got the little ones to sleep, and the band is making enough noise as it is!"

Both Kermit and Piggy: [Whisper] "Sorry."

Sam Eagle/Father Sam: [Leaves them but stops after three steps] "By the way, would either of you like some punch or . . ?"

Both Kermit and Piggy shake their heads.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Whispers] "No, thank you."

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Whispers at the same time] "I'm good."

Sam Eagle/Father Sam: "OK." [Leaves]

After Sam is out of sight, they continue their discussion.

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Whisper] "That book Mr. Stahlbaum read to everyone cut off right in the middle. Whatever happened to the Prince of Toyland?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Shrugs and whispers] "I'm as in the dark as you are. But I do know that it was Barnaby who threw that potion at him."

Kermit/Hoffmann: "Hmph. I might have known." [Then looks out at the Ball] "If you were to guess which of the young ladies down there are the royal heirs of Candyland-"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: [Interrupts] "Kermie- I mean Mr. Hoffmann, the people in the audience have already figured that out. Let them see if they're right."

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Annoyed at the interruption. Glances at Miss Piggy] "I know that. But what is your guess?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: "The youngest ones."

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Brief pause] "What makes you say that?"

Miss Piggy/Sugar Plum Fairy: "It's always the youngest in fairy tales. Therefore, the youngest girl children, who share a birthday, have to be the royal heirs of Candyland."

Kermit/Hoffmann: [Expresses his annoyance as his voice lightly rises above a whisper] "With all due respect, Your Majesty, that makes absolutely no sense!"