strawberries & cigarettes ; yoonmin

forty-three

"How's the exam?" Hoseok asks after managing to catch up with the shorter, yet faster, boy.

"It wasn't hard when you took it right" Jimin pouts with a sigh, saddened that he didn't have anyone on his level that could study with him.

"Well..."

"Great" Jimin sighs as he rubs his eyes and pushes the heavy school door, "today's your last day right? Until graduation?"

"Yeah" Hoseok rubs at his neck before approaching the driving side of his truck and peering over to the shorter boy over the hood, "I hate making up exams, tip for when you're a senior Jiminie, don't skip school".

"Noted" Jimin smiles, "what day is graduation again?"

"Monday in the gym at 6" Hoseok sighs before unlocking his door and hoping inside, he leans over the leather seat and unlocks opening Jimin's door.

"I thought it was supposed to be on the field?" Jimin shakes his head as he hopes in.

"Yeah well now it's supposed to rain so we all have to cram into the gym," Hoseok sighs, "but you like the rain so I'm sure you're happy with it".

"Just because I like the rain doesn't mean I like stuffy sweaty gym rooms" Jimin crinkles his nose, ready to close the passenger door, but a grip on the door handle stops him. Jimin looks up, ready to ask if there was a problem, but he's met with shaky eyes, and he fights back the urge to ask what's wrong.

"I know you hate me now" the words are soft, not a trace of sarcasm at all, "but I feel like I should tell you that your boyfriend is glaring from across the lot".

Jimin glances up, and sure enough Taehyung is right, Yoongi is staring him down, his eyes practically demanding they talk right now, but Jimin feels tired of hear empty sorrys and instead quickly yanks Taehyung's arm to get inside and leaning over the younger to close the door.

The shock forming on his ex-friends face is practically hysterical.

"You okay?" Hoseok asks peering over Taehyung and out the window at the angered boy grumbling as he climbs into his fancy old car.

"I'm sorry" Jimin sighs sinking back into the seat, it somehow slipping his mind that he and Taehyung aren't on good terms at all, "I'm just-"

"I get it" Taehyung cuts him off.

Jimin finally shifts his gaze from the ceiling of the vehicle to Taehyung's face, and damn he's never noticed how tired the younger boy looks, he never allowed himself the time to focus on the younger's features. He frowns, suddenly feeling awkward, practically suffocating Hoseok with the growing tension between the two of them.

"I'm leaving" Taehyung announces when he can't take it anymore.

His hands on the handle.

Jimin doesn't want him to go.

Don't.

Don't go.

But the words won't follow, his lips sealed, second guessing himself or if that's the right decision, if he should stop the younger and scream about how ridiculous all of this is. About how old memories have shown him that they've been through worst, and he should stop being a petty asshole about their situation.

But he sits wordlessly as he watches Taehyung climb out and slam the door shut. It rattles for a second, and Jimin wonders if his heart just rattled along with it.

"Hoseok" he finally breaks the silence.

"Hmm"

"He's really hurting isn't he?"

"Yeah".

And regret washes over in a matter of milliseconds, Jimin throws his head back again, not caring about the loud thump as it meets the back grass. He should of just apologized and gotten it over with, just stopped being so petty about his relationship that's scaring him consistently. Things go back to feeling okay only to be demolished in seconds.

"I miss you guys a lot" it's that sinking feeling again.

He just allows himself to be pulled into a hug, warmth.

"Don't cry" Hoseok begs, "you know how bad I am when you cry" his own voice almost breaking.

"C-can't help it" Jimin mutters, "it's so fucking stressful right now and I- why can't I just apologize to anyone oh my god. Hoseok is there something wrong with me? Am I really that bad of a person?"

"Jimin, no, no you're not" Hoseok is choking back tears, the younger can hear it in his voice.

"Yes I am" he finally lets it ripple from his chest, "god I'm even making you cry right now" Jimin chuckles, but not the fun type, rather out of frustration.

"Jimin- no look" Hoseok tugs at the younger's arms and forces him to look into his eyes rather at the old car stereo, "it's not your fault I'm crying, don't ever think it's your fault for someone else's actions".

Damn, that hurt.

He can't bring himself to respond, just choke, trying to hold back from crying hysterically, holding back from releasing such intense emotions on a person who doesn't deserve to deal with them. They're unwanted even by himself; why would Hoseok ever care?

"Listen, you- you can tell me Jimin" Hoseok nods frantically, "you can tell me what's wrong, why are you crying so much huh?" Jimin feels so relieved that Hoseok's voice isn't croaking anymore, almost as if he threw away his emotions for Jimin's sake, but somehow that effort makes Jimin feel worse.

"You guys," a sniffle, "you guys deserved so much better than me" he rubs his eyes, "I'm such a bad person, can't even apologize when I should- Yoongi probably hates me for it, I know Taehyung must-"

"What?! No!" Hoseok shakes his head, "Jimin, if anything Taehyung cares about you the most, damn he seriously cares about you so much- you didn't- you didn't see how badly it effected him when you got mad that time" Hoseok rubs away at his eyes, his voice growing softer, "claimed he'd always thought I was the scariest when I was angry, but you changed that for him".

"I-"

"He was scared you'd never forgive him"

Oh.

"I never told him you weren't angry either" Hoseok begins heaving, "I thought, I thought it'd be better for him, ya know? It be better to hear it from you but then- you never told him and he grew so sad and-"

"Hobi" Jimin snaps him out of it, "it's not your fault okay? It's mine! I should of told him, ya know? Not you! Don't Hobi! What happened to don't blame yourself for other people's actions?!"

"But what about my own?" Hoseok frowns, "I should of told him"

Jimin wipes his eyes one final time, "that's my responsibility and you know it!"

The atmosphere has completely changed, and suddenly the sadness has felt as it's evaporated, Jimin feels like he's finally living again, it feels so good to have a good cry, and just share your thoughts with someone.

"Now lets go get some ice cream and stop blaming ourselves for the stupid shit in life!"

"Hell Yeah!"

And things have never felt so normal for the first time in awhile.

~~~~

My plan for this story is roughly 50 chapters (maybe a few more than that) and I'm praying to finish it before the new year, but updates might run into next year.

also, for anyone wondering this is what Hoseok's truck roughly looks like, because I couldn't find a picture of a baby blue 1982 that I liked the color. I imagine the mirrors are a little different and it's father off the ground, but close to the picture.