Imma miss this 😞
Welcome to the last chapter of this
this book:
♥️
Kentrell's Reflection
*months later*
I want to be able to say that I hate Nick or even have the heart to wish some evil shit on him but I don't.
I went through the motions of everything and as sad as it is-I still couldn't bring myself to look at him any differently because of what he did.
He could barely even talk straight through the busted lip that he had when he sat there and testified against me in the courtroom.
He filled the judge's ears with a bunch of lies about shit that I had never even thought of doing to him and even went as far as to say that I was the reason behind every bruise he had that still hadn't healed.
He put me in a situation knowing that it wasn't meant for me and despite the fact that he was telling on the wrong person I knew the stories were true.
But being the idiot that I am,
I still had sympathy for him when he was describing the things that he never even had the heart to tell me about.
Things like the fact that he would get doped up on sleeping pills to avoid being bothered by "me" and wake up almost a whole 24 hours later with new bruises and pain in every last part of his body.
I know I shouldn't have the heart to sympathize for him but he's not mentally strong enough to make the right decisions and now there is nobody to save him next time.
I'm almost certain that he'll be dead before I even get out of here whether he takes his own life or Tay ends up-
I don't even want to think about that right now.
I'm stuck for 20-possibly 17 years in a place where I can't even help myself and the thing is, I still cant find it in me to not think about him all the fucking time.
I practically adored every little thing about him so of course I still have love for him even after everything.
I still have love for someone who's the reason that I get jumped in showers till I bleed on a daily basis.
I still have love for someone who's the reason that I'm a punching bag to prison guards who actually believe that I did what he said.
I still have love for someone who's the reason that even after I get out of here, my life will never be the same because of the "rapist" label that I'm stuck with forever now.
I'm not gonna lie and act like I had some big dreams for my life but jail definitely wasn't apart of the plan.
I actually would've been contempt with spending life trying to make him happy at any expense and I wouldn't even care if I ended up in the same situation if it meant that he would be somewhere doing good.
I developed an emotional attachment to the idea that for the rest of his life he would be happy more than anything else.
All I wanted was to help make that happen for him but now it all came down to being nothing but another thing I failed at doing.
It didn't even take much for him to be happy, yet he still couldn't have that.
He still could never be that same person that would make everything better by just being there to listen.
The same person who grew that crimson color in his cheeks with almost every compliment you gave him and could talk about things he loved for hours.
I guess Taymor's manipulation had a stronger effect than my love but I wasn't going to spend everyday crying about some shit I couldn't fix anymore.
Everything slipped out of my reach and I fell into a state of worrying more than anything.
The only thing helping me right now is when I reminisce sometimes, and look back on a time where he would cuddle up to me and I would feel at peace with just being in his presence.
The one person I found most beautiful out of everyone.
