To Love Again

Falling apart

Chapter Thirteen

The morning light shined through the curtains, I smiled as I thought about last night. As nervous as I was, I was happy I took the next step with Matt. It was something you did with someone you loved and I was head over heels in love with him.

I snuggled closer to him, I wish we could stay like this all day but we would have to get up eventually. I looked up to Matt’s sleeping face, he looked so peaceful with the small smile on his face. It made me wonder what he was thinking about.

“I love you Raul,” Matt whispered softly as he drifted back to sleep.

I love you too,” I whispered back as I kissed him softly on his lips.

I slipped away from Matt’s hold and grabbed my clothes to shower. I wanted to surprise Matt with breakfast in bed. When I got out, I found Matt sprawled out on the bed. I walked closer, and I stopped dead in my tracks when my eyes landed on his back. I felt like someone just dumped ice cold water on me. He had a tattoo on his back, but it wasn’t just any tattoo. It was a marine tattoo, of an eagle on top of globe and an anchor in the background. The words semper fidelis on a banner on the side of the globe, the same one Dylan got before he was deployed.

Flashback

 

“What’s does semper fidelis means?” I asked Dylan as I watch the tattoo artist work. Dylan wanted to get a tattoo like his Marine brothers and the design he was getting was the most popular one to get.

 

“It’s Latin for ‘always faithful’, the dedication and the loyalty you have for the Crop and your Country, even after you have left the service.”

 

“So once a Marine, always a Marine?”

 

“Pretty much, it will always be a part of you until the day you die.” I stiffened a little that was something I wasn’t ready for. Lose the love of your life before you were ready was what I thought about as we counted do the days until his deployment.

   

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, I didn’t want to believe. This had to be why Matt wouldn’t tell me what he did for a living. I felt sick to my stomach, I couldn’t do this again. I couldn’t lose the guy I loved again because it wasn’t fair and my heart couldn’t take another loss like that.

This was just too hard, I loved Matt but what was I going to do when he went off to war and he didn’t come back like Dylan. I my heart can’t take another loss like that. This wasn’t fair, why was fate being so cruel to me? Why does this have to happen to me again?

My heart was breaking all over again, I just couldn’t deal with this right now. I grabbed all my things and left Matt sleeping. I just need time alone to think about this. I needed time to think.

I got back to my apartment and broke down crying on my bed. I laid there crying my eyes out, my heart hurt so badly. Why didn’t he tell me when I asked him? Why didn’t I pick up on it, what other job would have fit the need for him to keep it from me?