To Love Again

Just as Friends

Chapter Fifteen

 

It had been a week since I broke up with Matt. Not once has he tried to come see me and I hated myself for it. I let him go like an idiot because I believe it will end badly like with Dylan.

I just sat here thinking about it all, why was I being so stupid? Why didn’t I go to him and tell him why this was just so hard for me to go through it again.

I wanted to see him again, but I didn’t know if he would even want to see me. All I did was break his heart because I’m being an idiot. I’ll wait a few days before I try to see him, I don’t want things to get worse than they already are.

I just needed to get though work today and go home to think about what I was going to tell Matt, he had a right to know why. Just needed to get all my thoughts together before I saw him. I didn’t need to be rambling when I see him again.

“Hey what’s with you lately?” Dr. Hudson asked me as he joined me, I swear he always showed at the worse time. He could at least ask if I want his company while I ate.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He chuckled before taking a bite out of his cheeseburger.

“Come on, last couple of weeks you were happy and smiling for once. Now you’re here walking around back to your old moody self, so what gives?”

“Just have a lot on my mind, nothing I can’t handle on my own.” I tore off a piece of my turkey sandwich and nibbled on it. I didn’t think anyone would notice the change in my mood.

“So come on what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing I want to talk to you about.”

“Oh that is cold and why is that?” he smirked at me.

“Firsts off you’re not a friend, you’re just a colleague. Someone I’m forced to talk to and put up with. Now why would I even begin to share my personal life with you?”

“Well I only wanted to be your friend, sometimes a person can use someone to talk to.” He dropped his cheeseburger back on to his plate.

“Now I can see why you don’t have friends.” He got up and pick up his food, I really was just being a jerk to everyone.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t like to let other in on my personal life. Nobody has stuck around long enough to let me in and I just don’t want to get hurt when they leave or betray me.” I said as I look down at my food that was the first time I had ever told anyone that. I don’t even know why I would tell Dr. Hudson of all people.

“It’s fine, I figured there was something that had you so moody and grumpy most of the time.” He sat back down, “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine.”

“Thank you,” I went back to eating my sandwich but I wasn’t in the mood to finish it anymore.

“You know we should go watch a movie later.”

“I don’t want to go out on a date with you.”

“Well I didn’t ask you out on a date, I was thinking more as friends. Plus you look like you could use a night out.”

“I don’t really feel like going out.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t, I rather just stay home.”

“And what wallow in self-pity?” I glared at him, “I’m trying to be nice here. Now come on and just watch a movie with me tonight, just as friends.” I thought about it, I really didn’t care to watch a movie but I also didn’t want to just sit alone at home. “So is that a yes or a no?”

“Just as friends and there won’t be any funny business?”

“I promise just as friends, pinky promise.” He held up his pinky and smiled at me, I wanted to believe him but at the same time I couldn’t really trust him. “If I do anything you don’t like, you have my permission to punch me.”

 “Well when you put it that way, it makes it a little hard to pass up on that.” He chuckled.

“Well great, I will see you later.” He got up and left, I really hoped I didn’t regret this later.

*****

“So what movie do you want to see?” Dr. Hudson asked as we stood in line.

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll probably won’t even pay attention.”

“Well you’re no fun,” he said as he looked at the showings. “Well any genre you like, anything that catches your eye?”

”Not really,” I didn’t even want to be here to begin with.

“Ugh come on, stop being such a downer!”

“Just go with what you want, I’m not going to mind.” He huffed as he got our tickets, it was to some action movie. Just a mind numbing movie of violence, it was going to be easy to ignore it.

“Well are you going to want snacks or are you just going to say whatever you want?” he asked as we got in line for the concession stand.

“If you already know the answer, than why ask Dr. Hudson?”

“I told you to call me Shaun, we aren’t at work at least call me Shaun.” He said as he put his arm around me, his face very close to mine. He better not be trying anything, I wasn’t going to hesitate to punch him in the face.

“You’re playing with that line between friend and date.” He chuckled, I turned my head away from him. My heart dropped when I saw Matt looking at us. He seeing this wasn’t good, to him it would look like I was out on a date with Dr. Hudson. He was going to think I lied about not being ready to date. He looked at me one more time he before he walked off, I just majorly screwed up any chance I had with him. I didn’t think he would even want to see me, but I just couldn’t let him walk away without knowing the truth.

I pushed Dr. Hudson off of me and ran after Matt. By the time I ran out to the parking lot, he was nowhere to be found. I missed him, I missed my chance, and I just lost the love of my life again.