To Love Again

Giving him Space

Chapter Fourteen (Matt’s POV)

I drove slowly back to the house, I didn’t even want to go there. To be reminded of my night with Raul, a moment that should be the best one, but instead it’s leaving me feeling empty. I didn’t even know where else to go or to even think right now. I didn’t understand how one moment everything is perfect and then the next everything went to hell.

I shouldn’t have walked away so easily, I should have put up more of a fight. Why did I just walk away from the man I know is my soul mate? I didn’t give up when he kept telling me no, why was I giving up now?

I needed to talk to someone and there was only one person I could talk to right now. I busted a U-turn and headed in the other direction. I just hoped he wasn’t too busy to talk to me.

            I made my way to Jesse’s apartment and knocked on the door. I was greeted by my nephew Peter, “Hey Uncle Matt.” He said as he gave me a hug and let me in. “Your just in time we are going to watch a movie but my dads are making us some snacks first.” He told me as he led me to the kitchen.  

            “What movie are you watching?”

            “We are watching a movie called Dolphin Tale, it’s about a dolphin that loses her tale and then they make her a new tale.” Peter said. “Dad, Uncle Matt is here.” He said before running to the living room.

            “Hey Uncle Matt wasn’t expecting you here today, what’s up?” Jesse said as he looked up at me, the moment he saw my face he knew what was wrong. “Um baby can you finish the rest of the snacks?”

            “Yeah I can, do you want us to wait for you to come back to start the movie?”

            “No go ahead and start the movie without me,” he kissed his husband Adrian before we walked out of the apartment. We walked in silence until we were outside, “What happen?” Jesse asked as we continued to walk.

            “Raul broke up with me,” I said. To hear myself finally say it just made it all that much real.

            “Why, I thought things were going great? Is it because you told him you are a Marine?”

            “No, I didn’t even get to tell him,” I shook my head I just didn’t understand any of this. “It’s just yesterday I was showing him how to swim and finally taking the next step in our relationship. Now today he is telling me he can’t do this, he isn’t ready to date like he thought he was.” I started to cry, I was just so angry about this.

            “I’m so sorry Matt,” Jesse said to me as he hugged me. “Did he say why?”

            “Just that he thought he was ready to date but he wasn’t. Maybe we rushed into having sex to soon. I just don’t know what else it could be.”

            “Well do you feel like you did?”

            “No I don’t think so, I mean we hadn’t even talked about it. I didn’t want to rush things along, I was fine with the pace we were going. You know this is the time you find out about the person you love. Sex should be the farthest thing from your mind, because you know you won’t always have sex and you at least want the relationship you have be based on love.” I didn’t want to take that next step with Raul so soon. I had wanted to tell him what I did, but then also let him know that if he wasn’t okay with that I would get out of the service for him, because that’s how much I wanted to be with him.

            “If that is the case, then why did you have sex with Raul?” Jesse said, I didn’t have an answer to that. Not a good enough one, at the time it seemed right but now not so much.

            “Just I guess lost in the moment, it felt right at the time and wasn’t really thinking anything bad was going to happen. Didn’t think I would wake up in the morning alone, nor did I think it was going to change his mind either.” I was just so ready for all this to be over with and just to have Raul back.

            “You know if that’s the case then maybe he too thought he was ready and then realized that he wasn’t. He could have just freaked out for a moment and needs time to think about this. Cause really, what do you know about his past relationship?”

            “Not much, it wasn’t something really talked about it.”

            “Just like how you didn’t talk about what you do for a living?” I just nodded my head. “What I think is there was too many secrets between you two and that’s not going to help a relationship? You need to sit down with him and get everything out in the open, secrets are what kills any relationship.”

            “Yeah and how am I going to do that?”

            “You just have to give him time alone to think, because whatever he is going through he needs to be alone. I feel when he is ready he will come to you and then that will be the time to talk. Also if I was you, I would go ahead and get out while they are giving you the chance. You know it had been a long time since we had seen you. Having you here has been great, you know I love having you here, Adrian and the kids do as well. I know that if you leave its going to break their hearts and I know it’s going to break my dad’s heart as well.” He chuckled, “I know he might seem like he won’t but we all know he will.”

            “Yeah, but just don’t know if I’m ready to make weekly trips to the ER,” we both chuckled. “I’m more likely to die from one of your dad’s accident then being out in combat.”

            “Maybe but at least you will be closer to your family and the love of your life.”

            “When did you become such a therapist?”

            He chuckled, “When you have a mother that’s one and your husband happens to be one too, things tend to rub off on you. Also I have had my share of getting advice from them too and it always help having someone else’s opinion.”

            “True,” I sighed this was going to be a lot of work but I want to be with Raul and if it was time he needed, then I was going to give it to him.

*A/N Sorry for the short chapter, the next couple will be short as well.