To Love Again

The Mess I Made

Chapter Seventeen

What have I done? The look Matt gave me when he saw me with Dr. Hudson, just made me feel like crap. I only had myself to blame for that, I didn’t have to go to the movies with him. I should have said no. Now he hated me even more, there was no way he was going to want to talk to me now.

I should have known he would try something, that man doesn’t know anything about just being friends. I felt stupid for not going after Matt and for just falling into Dr. Hudson’s trap.

I dialed Matt’s number, hoping he would answer but each time it went to voicemail. He was ignoring my calls and I didn’t blame him, I would too if I were him. I was going to have to go to his brother’s house that has to be the only place he would go.

“Raul, where are you going the movies is going to start?” I turned to see Dr. Hudson walking my way. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

“I need to leave, I have to do something.”

“What to chase after that guy?” He yelled after me, I stopped and turned around. He saw Matt, he knew Matt was there. “Your just wasting your time, he isn’t going to want to see you now.”

“You saw him, you knew he was there!” I run to him and pushed him, “Stupid asshole!” I pushed him again. “Why are you trying to ruin my life?” I swung at him but he caught my wrist, I tried my other fist but failed again. “Let go of me,” I tried to break feel from his hold, but he tighten his grip.

“I didn’t do anything, you broke up with him. God you are such a little bitch, you know that. Do you know how many other nurses would kill to have my attention?” he stepped closer, “I got you moved to the morning shift, just for you to have nights free and to go out with me. But no you have to be a little bitch and turn me down every time. The shift a lot of other nurses wanted, other nurses that probably deserved it more than you. I showered you with all my attention and I made sure you got special treatment.”

“Yeah and you just made the other nurses hate me for that.” I tried to break his hold again but couldn’t, he gripped my wrist tighter. “You’re hurting me, let go of me!”

“I have always been nice to you and I love you, what more do you want?” I stopped struggling and stared at him, he was so full of crap right now. He didn’t love me, he has never shown me anything but lust. I was just an object he couldn’t have and that just pissed him off.

“You don’t love me, I’ll just be another conquer to you. Another shiny trophy for you wall of easy lays, you don’t even know what love is. I’m sure once you got what you wanted from me you would have thrown me aside, just like you do with everyone you sleep with.

He yanked me closer to him and squeezed my wrist tighter. “Believe me I wouldn’t throw you aside, something tells me you’re a little freak in bed. Just the kind of thing I’m into, they always say the quiet ones are the ones you need to watch out for.” He smirked at me, he made me sick. “You’re going to end up alone, so you might as well be with me. Don’t worry I’ll satisfy you in ways you could never imagine.”

“Screw you asshole, I didn’t ask for your attention.” I kneed him in the groin, he released his hold and I punch him in the face. He fell to the ground groaning in pain. “Hell would have to freeze over before I would even think about getting with you.”

“You’re going to regret that!” he yelled. I already had regret but rejecting him wasn’t it. I left him there on the ground, I didn’t have time to deal with him. I had to go find Matt and hope it wasn’t too late. I drove to his brother’s house, this was my only option. If he wasn’t here I didn’t know where else he could be.

I walked up to the front door and knocked, I don’t what I was going to say to him, but I was hoping once I saw him the words would just come out. The door opened and it was Craig, “Oh hey Raul wasn’t expecting you here.”

“Hi Craig, I was looking for Matt. Is he here?”

“No he isn’t he had gone out with my son and his family, I’m not sure what time he will be back.”

“Oh,” I was wrong. He hadn’t come him, he went somewhere else and I didn’t know where that could be. “Can I just leave him a message?”

“Yeah sure, come in and I’ll get you a piece of paper and a pen.” I followed Craig inside and stood in the foyer as I waited for him to come back. “Here you go,” I took the paper and pen from him. I wrote down the first thing that came to me and hoped that it was enough for Matt to see me.

“Thank you,” I said as I handed it back to Craig.

“I’ll be sure to give it to him as soon as he gets here.” I nodded my head and left, I hoped it was enough.

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I didn’t hear from Matt at all, either Craig didn’t give him the message or Matt just didn’t want to see me. I wanted to believe Matt didn’t get the message, but I know he did and he doesn’t want to see me. I blew it and I only have myself to blame

Now I had nothing to look forward to, I was just going to end up going back to my lonely and pathetic life because I couldn’t just handle Matt being a Marine. Work and home was going to be the only thing I know now.

I walked into the nurse’s lounge and got ready for my shift. “Raul what are you doing here?” I looked up to see Carrie.

“Here for my shift, why else would I be here.” I said as I finished putting up my things in my locker.

“Didn’t anyone call you about the shift change?” I stopped what I was doing and looked at her.

“What shift change?”

“Denise was supposed to tell you that you were being moved to the night shift. It was requested by Dr. Hudson.” That son of a bitch, I can’t believe he stooped that low to get back at me. I grabbed my bag out of my locker and slammed the door. “Raul I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, it’s what I get for being a little bitch.” I walked out of the lounge before she could ask what I meant by that. Just when I think my day couldn’t get any worse I run into Dr. Hudson. He had a black eye, at least I was able to leave him with that.

“I told you were going to regret it,” he smirked at me.

“You’re wrong, I don’t regret it and you did me a favor. Now I don’t have to pretend to like you or even be nice to you. Better yet I won’t have to see your face.” I smiled at him, “By the way that’s a nice black eye you have.” He stood there glaring at me as I walked past him.

I walked out to my car, I didn’t want to go home and there wasn’t anyone I could talk to. After Dylan had died I had basically pushed everyone away and now I was truly alone. The one place I could go was to Dylan’s grave and all that was going to do was remind just how lone I am. I was feeling defeated, but I was going to find a way to get Matt back. I wasn’t going to give up without a fight. We love each other and all I need is for him to do is hear me out. I will get him back, no matter how long it takes me too.