To Love Again

My Choice

**Short/filler chapter**

Chapter Eighteen (Matt’s POV)

        My phone started to ring again, that was the sixth time Raul had tried to call me. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, I saw enough to know what was going on. It just pissed me off that he played me like a fool. When was he going to get the hint that I wasn’t going to talk to him about it, he just made it clear about what he wanted.

        I had a long walk before I returned to Craig’s house. I just wasn’t in the mood to face anyone right now. I still didn’t know how I was going to tell them about me leaving. They weren’t going to be very happy when they found out I was leaving tomorrow morning. I wasn’t going to give them time to talk me out of leaving, because god knows they will try.

        I walk inside and was greeted by Craig, “Hey little bro I wasn’t expecting you home for another few hours, how was it?” “I left early, I just came back from a walk.” “Why?”

        “I just needed to be alone and think about some things.” I walked into the kitchen, Craig grabbed my arm.

        “Hey what’s wrong?”

        “Craig I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”

        “Come on, something is bothering you, I’m your brother and you know you can always talk to me about it. You can either tell me or I’ll be forced to get your therapist.” I sighed as I leaned back against the fridge.  

        “I saw Raul out with that asshole doctor,” the tears I had worked so hard to hold back slipped down my face. “I just don’t understand Craig,” I wiped away the tears. “He said he wasn’t ready to date, but what the hell was he doing with him? What is so damn great about that douche?” All the angry and frustration I had tried to repress, hit me all at once, I was hurting and I wanted it to stop.

        “Matt, I’m sorry.” He placed his hand on my shoulder, “Maybe he wasn’t on a date?”

        “He could have fooled me.”

        “You could be jumping to conclusions here.”

        “Maybe but I can’t pretend I didn’t see him with another guy, a douche no less.” I walked away from him and headed to my room. Craig followed behind me, I grabbed my bags out of the closet and went to the dresser and started pulling out my clothes.

        “What are you doing?”

        "I'm packing," I said as I start to throw clothes into my bags.

         “Matt I would like you to really think about this?” Craig said as he reached over and stopped me. He snatched the clothes out of my hand and threw it on the bed. “Don’t leave now, wait until you have calmed down and are thinking clearly.”

        “I have Craig and it’s what I have to do. I have already called and told them I’ll be there Monday morning. It’s what I want, it’s the only I have left.”

        “Matt I don’t think you have thought about this. You have us, don’t say you have nothing when you do. Don’t do this Matt, your rushing into this because you’re hurting.”

        “No I’m not!” I shouted at him as I reached for my clothes. “I had decided a long time ago anyway.”

        “Yes you are!” he snatched my bag away from me. “Matt I know you’re hurting and you’re mad, but think about what you’re doing. Your choice isn’t just going to affect your life, Matt you know we all care about you. Don’t do this, your my only brother, I can’t lose you.” His eyes watered, "When they called me about what happen to your team. All I could think about was I had lost my baby brother." He started to cry.

        "Craig," I said as I squeezed his shoulder. "But you didn’t, I'm still here."

        "I know but your rushing into this, who's to say I won’t lose you the next time or the time after that?" he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Matt all I'm asking for you to do is just really think about this before you give them your answer. Can you at least make that promise to me?”

        “Okay, I can promise you that.” I hugged him.

        “What time are you leaving tomorrow?”

        “Seven in the morning, first flight to Arlington, Virginia. Giving me a chance to prepare for my meeting with them Monday morning.” Craig nodded his head.

        “You know Peter is going to be sad that you’re going to miss his birthday party next weekend. You know we had it planned to dress up and put on a show for the kids.”

        “I know but I just need to do what I feel is right. Jesse and Adrian will explain why I have to do this, he will understand.”

        “Maybe he will but just remember it might not feel right later on. Like I said just please think about it,” I nodded my head. “Oh here,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a note. “Like I said you could just be jumping to conclusions. He didn’t seem like he was out to hurt you, he seemed like someone who realized they made a mistake.” He handed me the note and walked out of the room. It had my name on it and it had to be from Raul.

        I sat down on the bed and stared at the note, I don’t know if I wanted to read it. For all I know it’s just a sorry excuse for what I saw, that it wasn’t what I thought it was. Or it could be something totally different. Craig could be right too about me just automatically thinking he lied to me.

        I open the note, ‘Matt, please let me explain. Please let me tell you the truth.’ I slowly crumpled the note in my hand. I was right, just a lame excuse and I just wasn’t in the mood to hear it. Once I left from here I wasn’t going to have to worry about this anymore. Come tomorrow morning, all this was just going to be a terrible memory.