Sad Girl

Not an update

Hello Everyone.

I want to write a sort of letter to you all since the year is nearly done. I would like to draw a conclusion. This year has been full of up's and down's and I want to write about it instead of just writing another poem.

In January I'm pretty sure I was being set up by one of my College friends with a boy I did not know but I came to find out a little while after our not so great meeting that he used to abuse my friend's best friend. My friend did not know about it and she found out with me.

Then some time later I thought, "Well if I actually got with him, when would I tell my friend that he hurt me...before or after the incident?" Curious, is it not?

In March I was being messed with by a boy who told me he doesn't have a girlfriend but some weeks later I found out he does and also that he had proposed to her and she is 15/16 years old and he is 17.

I quickly grew to like him during the time that he was trying to get close to me and was flirting with me.

In May I was again set up by my now used to be friend, who I've known for 8 years. She had set me up with her ex-boyfriend and things were sort of complicated because she's known him for 3 years and they dated for a year.

He never came to see her and he was promising me that he would come to see me and I stupidly believed him for a month.

Until I broke up with him and thought about getting back together although that never happened best my plan had failed and so I had to let it go.

So at College I would get miserable so then I grew close to a friend, male friend. I would see him almost every evening after work and we would talk for about an hour, maybe 2 or 3.

Afterwards we had an argument and went our separate ways for a while till we made up because he's trusting and he's also very protective of me, he makes me see sense and he's been there for me.

Some time later he told me likes me in more than just a friendly way and I don't feel the same, I haven't spoken to him in a while. Perhaps that's better for my own good.

My friendship with one of my best friends had finished due to some personal problems, I used to help her and support her during a very difficult 2/3 years as she started experiencing depression and anxiety. She pushed me away but also I had distanced myself from her due to feeling like our friendship did not make sense anymore.

Then, I went to Italy for work experience sort of thing as a part of project from Poland, funded by the European Union. From today I have 12 more days till I go back to Poland for 2 days before going home to England.

My time here has been a mix of things; happy moments, sad moments and I have experienced breakdowns due to being the way I am. I'm a very sensitive person but also I get very paranoid, I cannot do something without checking that I have everything I need before going out.

That means not checking just once or twice because my mind is still not very satisfied. Perhaps I have some mental health issues I need to figure out and I need to learn to calm down my mind and relax.

I also have a short temper and I do try my best to keep it in check but with certain people I just lose my cool.

I don't know what the next few days will bring but I cannot wait to go home and enjoy Christmas with my parents and one of my very close friends.

That is all for now, thank you everyone for this year and your amazing support. I love you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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