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Chapter #13 - Guilt

Scarlet Spider's POV.

[a few minutes before last chapter's ending]

I sit at the top of the building. If Peter discovers I'm gone he's gonna be mad, but who cares? I watch the crowd under me. They're all in rush. I can't believe at what I did this morning. Telling [y/n] off. I can't believe I told her that I'll never text her again.

I took out pancakes she gave me. I wasn't eating for a while. I think I should do now, before I pass out or something. I unpacked them and took a bite. They were so tasty, they reminded me of... Home, I used to have. I loved aunt May's food and [y/n]'s pancakes are just as tasty as hers were. Why do I keep on hurting people that care about me?

I was sitting on the edge with a phone next to me. I wonder if [y/n] is done with school now. I don't want to text her during a lesson, but on the other hand, I want to text her badly. Just as I was watching crowd underneath me I saw her in it. She was looking up, about to see me. I rolled back so she wouldn't see me, but I'm sure she did. She was looking at the roof but I somehow took my phone. I texted her as Ben, I need to clear things up. It's for her own good.

Hi - I started simply

Scarlet told me you know what I am

And not to bother you

So I ain't

It just hurts to text. It hurts whenever I press the send button. But it's for her own good.

It was nice to know you, though - I added to make it just a little bit better

I'm not sure if it worked, but when I peeked out to see if she's still watching me she was staring at her phone as mine started moving. I took it to see how desperate she was to make me text back. She was just making it harder. My hand was shaking as I was blocking her number. It will make it just better. Easier.

When I looked at her again she was running down the street. Why do I keep hurting others? I'm a real monster. I will burn in hell. I hope I will, because I deserved it. I looked at her again and my heart skipped a beat. She was on the middle of the road with car riding in her way. It tried to stop, or at least to slow down, but it still hit her. A moment later, as I was still standing frozen, she was on the ground and crowd circled her.

"What if she got seriously hurt?" I asked myself and jumped off the building. I used my webs to get there and landed between the crowd. "Someone should call her an ambulance." someone said. "No need to, I'll take her to the hospital." I said and got closer. Everyone stepped away from me as I got closer. I tried to pick her up slowly but I was seriously freaking out. It's m fault she's unconscious right now. Unconscious and, god knows, maybe hurt a lot. I have to take her to the hospital as fast as possible.

I look at the ground under her, there's no blood there. Good. I used webs to get into the air with my arm around her. The closest hospital is a few streets away. I have to hurry. I gotta make it before something more happens to her. If villain attacks me right now he is getting killed for real. I'll use my stinger to take him out. I gotta save [y/n]. It's my fault. It's all my fault! It's... I'm a monster, now I'm sure. I finally got to the hospital. I ran in with her in my arms.

"Get help! A car hit her!" I said as getting in. Luckily New York had already seen enough to make hospitals ready for unexpected hurt civilians. They immediately took her from me and took into another room. I couldn't just stand here. I got out and pretend to swing away, but I got back to the rooftop and then pulled myself down by my web to look into the room she was in. All I could've done was looking as they were checking on her, trying to wake her up, making sure her heart beats... They called her parents. The fear on their faces as they arrived and got in. The saw her, still unconscious, and burst to tears. I got back to the rooftop.

I remember times when I used to hurt people. It felt... not quite satisfying, but... nor this bad. Like a usual thing to do. Like there wasn't anything wrong with it. I got told that what I was doing was wrong and now when something felt like 'a usual thing to do' I would feel like doing something wrong, but now? Now it's different. I actually feel guilty. I feel terrible, knowing that under me there's a girl that is seriously hurt and I'm the one to blame. It is not a new feeling, but it is hardly ever this strong. Last time I've felt it it was when I understood what have I done by doublecrossing Spider-Man. Last time I had to try to give up my life to make it a little better, but I still felt like trash. And now here it is again.

I feel so useless, just sitting here. I wish I could go in, help someone, but I can't. I can only be as useless as I usually am. It feels so terrible. Like all my lies combined together. All of them and a few serious mistakes that made my life a lot harder. I think that it's a similar feeling.

THE END OF CHAPTER 13!

All right, I admit, things in the story are getting worse and it's a second part about [y/n] and Scarlet feeling bad alone. But I feel like it proves that they need each other, because even though they were able to live without contact before they met, now they just need it. They need to be supported by other one or otherwise, it ends up like this, two of them hurt.

Good thing by writing in my situation: I'm writing really fast.

 Bad thing: God, I just caught myself thinking about [y/n] dying/ending up in a coma. 

Maybe I should really take a break? 

Nope, I still trust myself.

See you in the next Chapter!