Wasting Time

8

I was sitting out my the lake when Sirius found me days later. I was wrapped in my brothers jacket and drinking wine out of the bottle. He sat down next to me, but didn't say anything.

"Are you here to break up with me?" I asked him. My voice was emotionless and I didn't take my eyes off the lake.

"I don't know."

"Then why are you here?"

"I don't know. I think I missed you."

"You think?" I still refused to look at him. He had left me hanging for days, and now I couldn't look at him.

"No. I missed you Marlene." He reaches for my hand and I pulled it away.

"You didn't act like it."

"Marlene. Can you look at me?"

"No, I really can't. I get that you're mad at me, but the Sirius I know would never leave me hanging for days. If you're going to leave me, just do it." He fell silent at that. We sat, not saying anything, for what felt like an eternity before he spoke again.

"Wormtail thinks I should break up with you." He was also looking at the lake now.

"What do you think?"

"James and Remus say it isn't your fault though."

"What do you think Sirius?" He hesitated for a moment before replying.

"I don't want to leave you. I don't even really mind that you kissed him. I just feel so betrayed for some reason. I can't seem to get over it. I know in my head that you didn't do anything wrong but everything in me is telling me to leave. And my heart wants to stay."

"If you're head and heart are agreeing, they're probably right." I looked at him now, for the first time since he say down.

"You're right. I love you Marlene. I'm sorry I left you hanging for so long."

"I'm sorry it happened at all. I love you so much, you have no idea." He leaned forward and kissed me softly.

"Can we be done fighting?" He asked. I nodded vigorously.

"Let's never do this again. I hate not talking to you."

"I agree." He scooched a little closer to me and out his arm around my back. "This is Micah's jacket, isn't it?"

"Yeah. He's really gone isn't he?"

"I'm sorry darling. But yeah. He is."

"Do you really think there's going to be a war, Sirius?" He took a deep breath in.

"It feels like it. I guess it's already started."

"And we were drafted quite quickly."

"What's drafted?"

"It's a muggle term lily taught me. It means we're fighting, whether we want to or not. McGonagall doesn't worry about us the way she does because we're good students. Dumbledore has plans for us, I'm sure of it."

"You really don't miss a thing, McKinnon. What kind of plans?"

"I'm not sure, but I know it's something. That man is brilliant, and he's on the right side of things. But he's manipulative. Don't ever forget that."

"Marlene, you cant know that." He seemed to be trying to soothe me. He probably thought I was becoming paranoid after everything that had happened.

"I'm serious, Sirius. You said it yourself, I don't miss a thing. He's building an army, and he needs people who are blindly loyal to him. He want to collect us. There is no other reason an adult would bring up something like the Order of the Phoenix to a group of reckless teenagers. He wants us, he has plans. He isn't recruiting anyone but us and our friends and I know that for a fact. Obviously we're going to join, but I'm begging you, do not put your trust in that man."

"I promise. I'll never be blindly loyal to him. My loyalty will always lie with you, with James. My family."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and he kissed my hair. We sat in silence for a bit longer before I spoke again.

"I'm happy you stayed, Black."

"So am I. I'll never leave you again."

"That better be a promise."