Wasting Time

42

We returned to Hogwarts soon after New Years. There was a new wave of excitement around us, as everyone began to prepare for the future.

On the second day back, a ravenclaw boy from the year below us, Damocles Belby, approached me in the corridor while I waited for Sirius.

"McKinnon, you are so fit today," he said confidently, walking up to me, all swagger. I snorted and raised my left hand, where my engagement ring glittered on my finger.

"Mate, I'm so engaged," I replied flippantly.

He took a step back before regaining his confidence and moving closer to me again.

"Who's the father?"

"A little close, aren't we Belby?" I heard Sirius's voice coming from behind me.

As he reached me, I lifted my hand to touch his shoulder and pushed lightly to tell him to turn around. I cast one more sarcastic smile at Belby as I turned with him and headed to the great hall.

"Jesus Christ," Sirius said as we walked. "The kids got some balls on him, you have to give him that."

"It's very strange," I frowned. "Nobody ever hits on me anymore, everyone knows we're together. Whah ever could have possessed him to do that?"

"You know how boys are," he waved his hand. I frowned up at him.

"I absolutely do not."

"They like a challenge."

***

After that, gossip swirled around us as the news spread about mine and Sirius' engagement. An accidental pregnancy seemed to be the most popular rumor.

And then, there were the whispers. How stupid we were. How we were too young, too unstable, how it would never work. Groups of people would stop talking as we walked by. Sirius seemed unbothered. Normally I would be too. But I wasn't.

***
Sirius found me a few days later, sitting on the floor of his dormitory, digging through his suitcase and crying. He immediately joined me on the floor. He tried to wrap an arm around my shoulder but I pulled away, wiping my face.

"Marlene, what in Merlin's name is going on?"

"I can't find it!" I almost shouted in frustration.

"What are you looking for?"

"I'm looking for the book of Neruda poems I gave you! It isn't in here!"

Sirius moved to his bedside table and opened the drawer. He pulled out the book and handed it to me. I hugged the book to my chest and my body seemed to deflate a little bit. I still felt panicky and my eyes were still wet, but a bit of the fervor had left me.

"Do you want to tell me what this is really about?" He asked gently.

In moments like these, with his tone soft and kind, I was amazed at how we had grown in the past year. Not that that mattered when I was already so worked up.

"Sirius, what are you going to do after we graduate? What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," I began, aggressively wiping the tears from my face again. "We don't have a plan, Sirius! We have no idea what we're doing! What if everyone is right?"

"Right about what?" He was bewildered now. I never worried about plans or what everybody else thought.

"About us! What if we can't do this? What if we're not ready, what if we ruin everything?"