Wasting Time

24

Everyone seemed happy that Sirius and I were back together. I thought they did.

I went up to the dorm later that night. I paused outside the door. I could have sworn I heard sobs. I hesitated. What if it was Emmeline? We were friendly, but we weren't exactly friends. Not anymore.

And then I heard it. Dorcas's voice.

"She tastes like apple juice and peach. You would find her in a Polaroid to picture. And she means everything to me. But to her, I taste like nothing at all." I touched my lips. Tasted the peach chapstick on them. Mary spoke.

"Marlene loves you Doe. You know that."

"Not the way I do. I've made my peace with it. I'll never tell. But every time they break up my heart breaks for her and every time they get back together it breaks for me. But it feels oddly good to hurt."

"It might have been different. If you told her." I heard a sniffle.

"No. She loves Sirius. They're meant to be together. But I'll be ok, admiring from afar. It's what's best for her."

I couldn't keep listening. Tears filled my eyes as I crept back down the stairs. Would it have been different? If she had told me before I was with Sirius?

I pictured Dorcas. Beautiful Dorcas, who never failed to make me smile. I remember when we kissed in fifth year. I smiled sadly. I could have loved her forever, if I had known that it was an option.

Yes. If she had told me how she felt before I fell in love with Sirius, it would have changed everything. But it was too late now. I love Sirius too much.