Wasting Time

20

"I know that now. But Marlene, I need to tell you something." He looked at me, and his eyes were pleading. I could see tears sitting in his lower lashes and my stomach dropped. I stiffened before answering.

"You did something, didn't you?"

"Before I knew...I ran into Emmeline in the common room last night." He reached for my hand and I pulled away from him before standing up and staggering backwards. He stood and walked towards me, but I wouldn't let him get closer than an arms length. "I'm so sorry Marlene. It'll never happen again. It was a mistake."

"Say it. Tell me what you did."

"Marlene..."

"Say it. Out loud." He let out a strangled sound, halfway between a sob and a sigh of exasperation.

"I slept with her. I would take it back if I could. I was so angry at you, I didn't think."

"How could you do that to Remus?" I was no longer in shock. I was enraged now.

"I didn't. I couldn't. They broke up over Christmas. Marlene—"

"Oh so you couldn't do it to him, just to me?"

"Marls... I thought you had cheated on me, I though that we'd be even," he stepped towards me and reached for my hand. I pulled back harshly.

"I sat on a couch with a grieving friend, and you thought sleeping with my friend made us even?" I was shouting but I didn't care. I couldn't stop.

"I didn't know...I thought..." he was pleading, almost begging now. He reached for my again.

"Don't touch me. You know what Sirius? When I kissed Remus because I wanted to hurt you, that was the worst thing I could think of doing. Sleeping with someone else never crossed my mind. Sleeping with you friend definitely didn't. You did something worse than the worst thing I could ever do to you." I turned on my heel and stormed off.

I made it all the way to James in the boys dorms before the tears started falling. He was alone and he immediately grabbed me in his arms, kissing my hair.

"You know what he did?" I asked into his chest. I felt him nod. I started to sob harder and James sat me down on his bed. "Tell me it's okay. Tell me that what he did is okay. Please, James. Tell me it's okay. You're his best friend, if anyone can excuse this, it's you."

"I can't do that Marly. Why do you want me to?" I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

"What he did...it's unforgivable. But I really want to forgive him." James hesitated for a moment after I spoke before sitting down next to me.

"Just because you can't forgive him right now doesn't mean you'll never be able to. He's going to work bloody hard to make it up to you, I promise you that." We sat in silence for a moment.

"I just... I thought we were past this, you know? And to sleep with my friend...I never thought he could do that to me, even at our worst."

"I can't defend what he did Marly. But I can tell you that he loves you so much. He crossed a line, but he was hurt. I'm not telling you to forgive him. I'm just telling you that he loves you."

Lily came up to the dorm eventually and brought me back to ours. She and James exchanged a few quiet words and a quick kiss and I almost smiled.

When we got back up to our dormitory, Emmeline was in the room. I walked to her and slapped her. No one moved for a moment before Lily stepped forward and pulled me away from her.

"I deserved that," was all Emmeline said.

"You slept with my boyfriend, Emmeline! You deserve a lot more than that." Dorcas and Mary gasped.

"How could you do that?" Dorcas asked her, clearly enraged. She walked over to stand by me and rub my shoulders.

"He told me that you guys broke up. He said that we'd help each other get over it, and that no one would know. I didn't know you were still together, I swear." Her eyes were brimming with tears but I didn't care.

"Do you remember how awful you were to me when I kissed Remus, not because I wanted to kiss your boyfriend but because I was drunk and angry at Sirius? And now, what? You're going to sleep with my boyfriend, sober, because you feel like it? You're a fucking hypocrite Emmeline. You're a hypocritical little whore!" Her face hardened. The tears were gone.

"You're one to be calling anyone a whore Marlene. We've all heard the stories about you."

"Emmeline! How dare you!" Mary shouted at her.

"I don't care who you sleep with! You can sleep with the whole school and I wouldn't care. But he's my boyfriend, Emmeline! Or he was. You saw to that."

"It takes two to tango Marlene. I didn't see to anything."

"And if you think I am not even angrier at him than I am at you, you don't know me at all! But none of that excuses what you did."

Emmeline left and I flopped onto my bed and cried. I must have fallen asleep at some point, because when I got out of bed, night had fallen and supper was over. Lily was sitting by my bed and Dorcas and Mary were watching me intently. I stood up and rubbed my eyes.

"I'm gonna go talk to him," my voice was hoarse but determined, and they all nodded.

I walked up the stairs to the boys dormitory and walked in without knocking. The boys were all sitting around Sirius, who had his head in his hands, but they immediately cleared out when they saw me, probably assuming we were going to fight. James rubbed my shoulder quickly on his way out. Sirius saw me and rushed towards me.

"Marlene, please just let me explain. I'm so sorry, you have to know that."

"Stop. I need you to know that we're over. But I just want to spend one more night with you, the way we used to be. I can't forgive you for what you did, but I'm not ready to let go yet. I just need tonight."

"What do you—" Sirius started, but before he could finish, I was kissing him and he was kissing me back.