Wasting Time

18

He was gone. The man who had loved me like a father when my own didn't. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to stop crying. A part of me felt like I was intruding on grief that I had no right to. But Fleamont was the closest thing I had ever had to a father. Sirius and I, his adopted misfits. And James, oh James. I knew the feeling of losing a parent, but not the feeling of losing on who loved you. I couldn't begin to imagine the pain he was in. And Euphemia. The kind woman who had taken us in without complaint. When we returned to Hogwarts, she would be alone.

The news has spread, and our friends had all joined us at St. Mungo's. Lily was holding James as he sobbed into her shirt, just as Sirius had held me. He hadnt let me go since we got the news, and both of our faces were painted with tear tracks. Neither of us knew how to deal with this.

Mary and Emmeline, who hadn't know Mr.Potter all that well looked awkward. Remus and Peter were mourning with the rest of us. Remus was holding Mrs. Potter as she sobbed and Peter was offering tissues and water. But Mary and Emmeline looked, and likely felt, out of place. Especially Emmeline, who hadn't spoken to any of us except for Remus since our fight.

Emmeline came up to me eventually. I grabbed onto Sirius tighter than I already was. If she was looking for a fight, this wasn't the time or place.

"Mar, could I talk to you?" I looked at Sirius and he nodded. He would be ok without me for a moment.

"Sure. Let's just step out into the hall."

We left the room and stepped into the hallway. It was completely empty. It seemed most people were having a better Christmas than we were. I turned to face her, bracing myself for what she was about to say. And then, she shocked me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that stuff to you. You're one of my best friends, and I know you weren't trying to mess up what me and Remus have. I was just jealous and insecure. And I'm so sorry about Mr. Potter. I know he was like a father to you. And I know this isn't the best time to be doing this, but I couldn't spend another moment not speaking to you. Everything is so dangerous now, Gideon is dead, I don't want to imagine something happening to us without clearing the air. I love you Mar, and I'm sorry I've been so stupid."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have done what I did. I was drunk and stupid and angry, but that's isn't an excuse. I crossed a line. I love you too Em. I don't ever want to lose you. Especially not now." We tried to smile at each other, but neither of us could quite muster it.

"I'm going to hug you now," she told me.  I managed a ghost of a smile at that and wrapped my arms around her, burying my head in her neck. And then, my body was wracked with sobs again. She led me back into the room and gave me to Sirius. Even after our fight, she still knew that he was who I needed right now. I collapsed into him, and then I could feel him crying into my hair as well.

The next week passed in a hazy, mournful silence. Mrs. Potter was doing everything she could go get us to enjoy our break, but none of us could quite manage it. James spent most days locked up in his room, sometimes with Lily for company. Sirius and I sat out by the lake near the house, wrapped in each other's arms. Sometimes crying, sometimes telling stories about Fleamont, sometimes just sitting in silence.

New Year's Eve, Euphemia sat all three of us down and gave us all a stern look.

"You're going out and celebrating tonight. All of you. Mrs. Vance is having all of you over tonight to celebrate the new year. And I will hear nothing else of it. Your dad wouldn't want you sitting around and mourning. He'd want you to go out and be young, while you still can. I know they're will be drinking, so you're all spending the night, understand?"

We all tried to argue with her. We didn't want her spending her first New Years without Fleamont alone. But she wasn't lying when she said she'd hear nothing of it.