Wasting Time

33

The rest of the summer was a blur of good meals and drunk nights. We usually had at least one friend at our house, or all of them. It was the natural gathering place, as three of us loved there and Euphemia loved to have guests. And then, all too soon, it was September 1st.

James and Lily had been named head boy and girl, and Remus was still a prefect, so we started our ride with only six. It was a sad way to start our last year. We were all hungover as well, which meant we were quiet.

Eventually, the other three rejoined us.

"I can't believe it's our last year," Lily said sadly, breaking the silence that had taken hold of the compartment.

"This is our last start of term banquet. The last sorting we'll ever see. I can't believe it's been seven years," Dorcas replied. I shook my head vigorously.

"Nope, were not talking about this. Can we please talk about something else." I said stubbornly. Everyone looked at me in surprise. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Marlene, what's going on?" Dorcas asked hesitantly.

"I don't want it to end. I'm not ready for this to be over. And if we don't talk about it, it can't end."

"Marly, you know that's not how this works, right?" James asked me.

Everyone was still watching me, shocked at my outburst of emotion. I looked up, avoiding everyone's eyes. Sirius was rubbing my back in the way that normally comforted me but I didn't feel any better. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands.

"Mar, talk to us," Lily coaxed.

"Im scared, okay?" That threw everyone off. I had never been one to be scared of anything. "Do you know what happens when we leave? War. That's what happens. And half my family is dead, and I don't want to join them and I don't want anyone else I care about to join them. Is that so crazy?"

"Marlene..." Sirius started, but he was at a loss for words.

"Anyway, even if there wasn't a war, I still wouldn't want it to end. Because then we have to say goodbye, and what if we don't love each other as much when we're not there everyday? You saw what happened, I went to school and my brothers forgot that I existed. I don't want you guys to forget about me too."

Overwhelmed, I stood up and left the compartment before anyone could answer. I all but ran down the train, looking for somewhere to hide, but there really wasn't anywhere. I was ruining the trip for all of them. This wasn't what our last year was supposed to be like.

It was Remus that came to find me, and I was a little relieved. He had a calming presence, and was never judgmental. I was sitting on the floor of an empty compartment, and he came to sit next to me.

"Marlene," he spoke after a moment of silence. "You know we're not going to forget about you after Hogwarts, right? You know that none of us could ever forget about you?"

"I just...I just hate endings. I hate saying goodbye."

"We're not saying goodbye, not really. Maybe to this place, but not to each other."

"Are the others mad at me?" I asked quietly. Remus looked surprised.

"Mad?"

"I've ruined the ride. This is our last first day of term and I'm ruining it."

"You're not ruining anything. No ones mad at you, Marlene. Just a little worried." I nodded. "Okay, now give me a smile and we can go back and have fun for the rest of the ride if that's what you want."

"Tell me a joke," I said. Remus had the best jokes, mainly because they were so lame. He sighed.

"Okay. What do you call a famous turtle?"

"What?"

"A shellebrity"

I laughed harder than maybe was warranted, but Remus smiled before standing up and pulling me to my feet. We walked back to the compartment and when we entered, everyone looked at me with faces full of concern. My outburst was much more typical of Dorcas or James, or really anyone that wasn't Sirius or myself.

I sat down on Sirius' lap and looked around sheepishly. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't be sorry Mar, we're just glad you're okay," Mary said.

"I just don't like endings," I shrugged.

"Oh don't you worry, Marlykins, this isn't really an ending. You're not getting rid of us that easily," James said cheerily.

The rest of the ride past as usual, full of idle chatter and boisterous laughter. We were all looking forward to the year, even if it was our last.

We arrived eventually, and the ride from the station to Hogwarts passed quickly. I paused outside the castle door and Sirius stopped with me, his hand on my back.

"You ready?" He asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I said firmly and we walked inside.

By the time the sorting was over, I noticed that Edgar Bones was watching Mary closely. I leaned across the table to whisper to her and Lily.

"Did you give him the ultimatum?" I asked. She  shook her head.

"I kind of just avoided it all summer. Anyway, why are you so against Edgar? Isn't that basically how you acted with —"

I cut her off before she could finish, glancing beside me at Sirius, who was completely absorbed in conversation with the other boys. They were laughing and making all sorts of noise, so I figured I was safe.

"Shut the fuck up, do you want Sirius to hear you?" I hissed.

"He doesn't know?" She asked apologetically.

"No, he will freak the fuck out. He can't know Mary, please. He can't know about Dearborn or the letters." I sounded angry, but really I was pleading with her.

"Ok, I promise," she said, and I relaxed.

"So," I said, returning to my teasing tone. "Edgar." Lily laughed and Mary blushed.

"You have to talk to him at some point," Lily said in a sing song voice. Mary groaned.

"Do I?"

"Mary, hes been staring at you all evening!" I laughed.

Before she could reply, Sirius leaned over and spoke to us.

"You girls wanna come over tonight?" He said cheerily.

"Is there anything in particular we'd be coming over for?" I asked.

"To get drunk of course. Gotta celebrate the start of the year!"

I laughed but we all agreed.