Wasting Time

43

At 5 AM one morning a few weeks later, I was woken by Remus prodding my shoulder. I sat bolt upright, startled.

"How do you boys keep getting up here?" I asked in a whisper.

"That's not important," he replied and I scoffed. "Come for a walk with me Mar, I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About what we talked about the other week," he replied simply.

"And we have to do this a 5 AM?" I grumbled, but got out of bed anyway.

When I was dressed, we threw on James' invisibility cloak and made our way to the astronomy tower. We removed the cloak and sat on the ground facing each other.

"You were right," Remus said after a moment of silence.

"About?"

"You were right," he repeated, pausing for a moment. "I'm not in love with Mary, I think. Maybe a part of me is. But I'm not in love with Emmeline either. I could be, maybe, if I let myself. But it's too late for that now."

I shook my head slightly as he spoke. "It's not too late. She loves you. It'll never be too late."

He nodded but didn't say anything.

"Remus, you know that we love you right? All of us. We love you."

He paused another moment and I searched his face. He looked terrified.

"There's one more thing," he said quietly.

"Yes?"

"I'm...I'm bisexual."

I nodded and smiled a little.

"So am I." And so is Sirius, i thought, though I didn't say it. "Is that why you looked so scared?"

A look of relief washed over his face. "You don't care?"

I laughed. "Of course not. And the others won't either. Dorcas is a whole ass lesbian, Remus. Of course we don't mind."

He smiled for a second before his face fell again.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I have to tell everyone, don't I?"

"No, Remus. You don't have to tell anyone until you're ready. You should clear the air between you and Emmeline and Mary, but you don't have to tell them that."

He paused again.

"I think...Marlene, I think I might have feelings for Sirius."

I was silent as the words washed over me.

"Do you love him?" I asked. My voice was soft, very different from when I had asked Emmeline the same question.

"Honestly?"

"Yes, honestly."

Remus sighed. "I don't know."

"If you love him," I began. "I can end it. I'll do that, if it's what you want."

Remus looked shocked. He leaned towards me, wrapping me in a warm hug. His hand stroked my hair and I could feel the wetness of tears against my neck.

"I would never ask you to do that, Marlene. You two are soulmates, you love each other. I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to be honest."

"Well," I said, pausing. "If it ever gets too much for you, tell me. We almost lost Emmeline because she had to watch you loving someone else. I don't want to lose you for the same reason."