The Arrangement | Book 2 | Completed

16

Matty's POV

I'm starting to begin to think that I have absolutely zero self control. I have absolutely none. This is terrible. This is fucked up and wrong. I am so wrong for this.

But why the hell does it have to feel so good?

"Candace, hold on." I breathe out.

"What?" She asks in a breathy voice. Her hair is messy and beautiful. Damn, she's so beautiful. Pulling away from her kiss is something that I don't want to do. I don't want to have to say this, but I know that it's necessary.

"We...we shouldn't." I sigh out.

"Shouldn't what? Kiss?" She asks, breathless and confused.

"Yes. Exactly, that." I groan, running my hands over my face in exasperation. "It's just...it's too intimate. I shouldn't...we shouldn't kiss." I tell her, trying my best to avoid prolonged eye contact.

I see hurt flash across her face and she gets off of my lap quickly. She sits on the couch and crosses her arms. I've noticed that this is something she does quite often. She claims she isn't pouting, but that's exactly what she's doing. I freeze when I hear her sniffle.

"Shit, are you crying?" I ask, trying to get a better look at her face. She turns her head immediately and wipes at her cheeks. She's crying, I know she is. I feel like a fucking asshole. I'm hurting everyone that I love and care about.

I'm hurting some of them without them even knowing it.

"I need to go." She says, clearing her throat and standing up from her previous spot on the couch.

"Wait, what? No, no. Don't go. I just...I-" I say, grabbing her wrist to stop her from leaving. God, I don't want her to leave. Not while she's upset like this and especially not after what we were just doing. Well, what we were about to just do.

"No, Matty. I need to go home. Well, back to the rental. This isn't really home. It never will be. This isn't my home." She corrects herself. I know this isn't her home. She made that clear a year ago. This place would never be her home. She would never give it a chance.

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" I snap at her, standing up and facing her.

"Excuse me?" She asks, cocking a brow at me. She's challenging me. She doesn't expect me to fight back because I never have in the past. I want to argue right now, though. I kind of need to.

"I said whose fault is that? It isn't my fault that Seattle isn't your home. I gave you the chance, Candace!" I say, raising my voice.

"Yeah, and I didn't want to come here. You know that." She snaps back.

"Yeah, because you never really cared about us. Or that relationship." I say, adding the ending for an extra sting.

"Excuse me? Yes I did. How can you say that I didn't care about our relationship? I begged for you to come back, Matty. I really did. You came back and then...lied about leaving! You kept it a secret until your final days in Vancouver! You're the one that ruined that relationship, not me!" She yells at me.

"I ruined our relationship? You've got to be kidding! This is a fucking joke, right? Because if I remember correctly, the only reason I even agreed to moving to Seattle was because I found out my girlfriend was using me for my money the entire time we were together!" I yell back. I can tell that my words are hurting her, but they have to be said. It's true. All of this is fucking true, and she knows it.

"And you said that we were over all of that! I apologized for all of that, Matty. You know I'm sorry for that! How many times do I have to say that I'm fucking sorry? How many times do I have to tell you that it was a mistake? How many time, Matty? You seem to hold grudges like no other. If you want to play that game, then I can play too! What about when you cheated on me? Huh? What about that? You cheated on me with Haley!" She fires back at me. I knew it was only a matter of time before that came up.

"I told you that was a mistake, Candace. You know how I feel about that. I said I was sorry and you said you forgave me!"

"Yeah, and you said all of that too! Yet here we are...fighting over the same old bullshit! This is old news, Matty! We aren't together! We're never going to be together again!"

Although a part of me knows that what she's saying is true, it doesn't change the fact that it completely kills me when she says it. It hurts hearing those words. If Candace and I are over, then why the hell are we still fighting like we're together?

"I know that, Candace. God, you don't think I already know that? I've grown up and moved past that bullshit. I know we aren't together." I spit out. I reach onto the ground and pick up my shirt that was discarded earlier and slip of over my head. She watches me adjust the material and make myself presentable once again.

"Do you? Do you know that?" She laughs out.

"Yes."

"Okay, then maybe you should reconsider what that means. Because you're still pretty quick to try and fuck me whenever you get the chance!" She yells, crossing her arms with a smirk on her face. She knows she's right. She knows that she's my biggest weakness.

"Oh please, Candace. I'm only trying to fuck you because you make it way too easy." I spit out. Hurt flashes across her face which immediately turns to anger.

"Excuse me?" She yells.

"You heard me!"

"Okay, well you're the one who keeps calling me! You call me while you're shitty girlfriend is out of town! You're doing that because you know she doesn't do anything for you at all! You can tell everyone how much you love her, but I know truth. You don't love her, Matty. You love the stability that comes with her. You can say that I make it easy to hook up with, but you're the one making it easy. Because you're weak, Matty. You're heartless in relationships and you're weak." She yells, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I'm heartless? Yeah, this is fucked up. I know this is fucked up. But you can't put all of the blame on me. What about you? Huh? You know I'm in a relationship! You know that! You've always known about my relationship with Melissa! Yet you're still the one who continues to hook up with me! You think I'm a bad person, but you're just as bad! So don't play innocent."

"Yeah, and I couldn't give less of a shit over whether or not your relationship with Melissa works out! You really think I care? It's not my job to care about your relationship, Matty! Or respect it! So don't say I'm just as bad, because I'm single! I'm the one who was brave enough to get out of a relationship when I saw you again! I knew this was bound to happen, and I wasn't about to cheat on my boyfriend! You're the shitty one, Matty! Not me! You're the cheater! You always have been and you always will be!"

"I'm not going to get out of a relationship just because you're in town for a month. I've been with Melissa for a long time. Yeah, we're having a rough patch, but that's just relationships. That happens! I'm not about to just give up my relationship so I can fuck you! You're making it so that I can have it both ways. I am cheating on her because you're so fucking easy, you probably put your mouth on any guy that looks your way! But you know what, just leave! I'm done with this shit! You're being fucking insane and clingy over the fact that I don't want to kiss you! I don't want to kiss you because I am in a relationship with someone else! That shit is too intimate for what we are. You're only here so we can fuck around, and then you leave. That's it, Candace! Just because you want to imagine that it's something more than that is all on you, not me! So fucking leave!" I yell, pointing at the door. She stares at me while I throw these words at her. She just stands there and takes it. She doesn't even try to fight me back. She just...accepts it.

She doesn't try to wipe the tears streaming down her face. She doesn't even bother putting her shoes back on. She just grabs her things and leaves as quickly as she can manage.

As soon as she closes the door, I collide my fist against the wall. I hear it crack slightly and grip my fist in my other hand. I fucking hate myself right now. I'm a fucking idiot. I am so fucking stupid.

What the fuck do I want? What the fuck do I want from Melissa? What the fuck do I want from Candace? I knew this was going to be tricky, but I didn't realize that it would get this fucking bad. I had no fucking clue. I just...fuck!

I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.

I feel blood begin to run down my knuckles. Of course. This wall is much stronger than me, thankfully. I don't want to even bother getting a wall repaired because of my shitty mood.

This is all my fault.