The Arrangement | Book 2 | Completed

39

As we get to my apartment, the growing paranoia of this conversation begins to sink in. This has been the most confusing month of my entire life. This has also been the most difficult decision I have ever had to make.

I hear my phone go off and know that it's Candace without even having to look at it. Guilt creeps up my spine as I think about how she must be feeling right now with all of this going on. I'm hurting her and that's all I seem to be doing. That's all i'm doing to both of these girls whom I love and care about so deeply.

Despite this, I still ignore her text messages and calls. As fucked up as all of this is, I can't handle both of them right now. I can only handle one thing at a time. I just can't handle both of them.

I see Melissa as I approach my apartment. She's waiting by the door and gives me a small smile as I walk towards her.

"Hey." I say with a smile.

"Hey." She replies, returning my smile. This smile doesn't reach her eyes, though. It hasn't for quite some time now.

"Shall we?" I ask as we enter. She doesn't say anything in response, but follows in the apartment behind me. She takes her coat off and sets it on the back of the couch as she always does. Something about this is normal. It doesn't make me feel happy or sad. It just feels normal.

I go into the kitchen and open the cabinet full of wine glasses. If there's anything on this earth that makes Melissa feel better, it would be wine.

"Red or white?" I ask. She cocks a brow at me as if I should already know. I grab a bottle of her favorite white wine and pour into the two glasses.

"Thank you." She says as she takes the glass from my hand.

"Yeah, no problem." I answer.

"So. You wanted to talk?" She says, beginning our conversation.

"Yeah, I did." I say, losing all interest into wine in my hand. My fingers circle the rim of my glass as I look down into the liquid. I can almost see my reflection, but it's morphed due to the shake of my hand. "There was just....a lot of things we need to discuss." I add.

"Yeah. We need to go to the bank tomorrow and get the paperwork signed for our bank account. I'm sure we can just switch accounts and settle the direct deposit before the next pay period." She explains.

"Do you really want to do all of that?" I ask.

"Do what?" She asks.

"End things." I mumble.

She lets out a sigh and sets her wine glass on the countertop.

"Of course I don't." She replies. I felt the smallest bit of relief until it's ripped away once again. "But we have to."

"No. No, we don't." I argue.

"Yes, we do." She says again with more aggression. "You and I both know that deep down, this was never meant to work out."

"You really believe that?" I ask with offense clear in my voice. "I thought you loved me. What happened to the girl who was crying on the phone? What happened to the girl who was begging for me to come back?" I spit out.

"What happened to the man who was loyal to me and said I was the only one in his life?" She yells.

I don't have a reply for her. She's right.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." She says, rolling her eyes. We sit in silence as she sips at her wine. A few minutes go by before she speaks once more. "Listen...I do love you, Matty. But after a lot of consideration and really stepping back to look at this situation for what it really is, I see that you're not ready for this. Your heart belongs to someone else. It always has." She sighs.

"That's not true, Mel. I love you. I love you." I say, setting my glass down and grabbing her hands.

"I know you do, Matty." She says as she gently pulls her hands away. "But loving someone and being in love are two different things." She says.

"I am in love with you." I mumble.

"No. You're not. And that's okay, Matty. Listen, you love the familiarity that comes along with being with me. Honestly, I love that too. I love you. But I am not in love with you. You aren't in love with me, either." She says once again.

"Mel."

"My mom told me something that really changed my mind about everything. She said that if you love someone, then you let them go. But if they return without your influence, then it was truly meant to be. She came back to you without any influence, Matty. You love Candace. You have always loved Candace. It has always been her. I just think you forgot about it because you two were away from each other for so long."

"I don't know." I admit. "Of course, I love Candace. I have always loved Candace. I will always love her. But I feel the same way about you, too." I admit.

"It's not the same. We are too different. We want different things. You deserve better than me, Matty. You deserve someone who doesn't try to control you. Someone who understands you in ways that only you would know about." She tells me.

"You're right." I mumble.

"Don't you think that might be her?" She encourages.

Candace.

My Candace.

"Yeah. It is." I admit. "I'm sorry, Mel." I say.

"Please stop being sorry for doing what is right for you." She exclaims with a laugh. "Matty, I've always wanted you to be happy. This is what i've always wanted. Yeah, I wish things could have gone differently. But this is for the best. I think we both know it was bound to happen. I'm just glad it's happening now rather than later." She says with a small smile.

Any doubt I have about this goes away when I see the look in her eyes. Her smile matches her eyes. She's being honest and sincere. She always is.

"Thank you, Mel." I say, not realizing that this is exactly what I wanted to happen with this conversation. This is everything to me. "I don't know how i'm going to make it work, but i'm going to try." I tell her.

"Can I offer some advice?" She asks.

"Of course." I reply.

"Go back to Vancouver. Kyler is completely freaking out without you there. He misses you. You miss him, too. You belong in Vancouver. Let's be honest, you never wanted to be in Seattle anyways." She tells me.

"I can't just go back to Vancouver." I tell her.

"Why not?"

"Who would run Seattle? There's too much that still has to be done."

"Isn't it obvious?" She says with a laugh. "You've practically been training Evan for your position for the last month. He is more than qualified for this. He can do it. Plus, he doesn't want to leave Clarissa. I can tell that just by sitting next to them at the meeting." She laughs.

Evan Maksimov could run this Seattle building. Of course, he would still need certain training, but he has a basic idea of how everything goes.

"But that would be asking a lot from him." I sigh. "As much as I would love for Evan to stay, he probably won't. He has an entire life in Russia that isn't that easily solved."

"When you love someone, you will do anything in your power to make it work." She reminds me. I don't know if she's talking about me or Evan at this point.

"It's definitely something to think about." I mumble.

After all of this time, Evan Maksimov could be the key to putting all of this back together.