The Arrangement | Book 2 | Completed

27

The car ride is silent as hell. I can feel myself clenching the steering wheel as more and more time passes. Candace shifts uncomfortably in the passenger seat, and I can honestly feel myself get ready to just flip out. I am so pissed off, it's unbelievable.

"Are you okay?" Candace asks quietly

"Yup." I say, giving the shortest answer I can possibly manage to give. I know she can tell that I'm upset. It doesn't take a genius to see this.

"Matty, I'm sorry about earlier. About what Lizzie said. I'm sorry I laughed at what she said. That wasn't nice of me." She admits shamefully. She's right. It was really fucking rude of both of them to do that. That's disrespectful not only to Melissa, but to me as well.

"Look, this is the only thing I'm going to say about this. I love Melissa. I love her and I always will love her. Yes, she can be complicated and sometimes it's hard for everyone to understand why she is the way that she is. But, I still love her because I see past all of that. No, we aren't together right now and this isn't a matter of the two of us getting back together any time soon. We both have a whole ton of problems both together and separate that we need to work on before that would even be a possibility. That doesn't mean it's right for the two of you to sit and laugh about her behind her back. That's disrespectful to her and disrespectful to me. I would never let anyone talk that way about you behind your back, so I would hope you wouldn't want it happening to anyone else." I say, seeing my knuckles turn white with how hard I'm gripping the wheel. I look over and Candace and sulking in her seat. I know she doesn't like what I just said, but it's the truth.

"So is that who you were on the phone with?" She asks in a confused tone.

"Yes." I admit.

"So you're still talking to her?" Candace spits out, instantly turning from confused to angry in just seconds.

"Yes, Candace. I am still talking to her. That was my girlfriend. Whom I do love, even though that isn't what you want to hear. I know you don't want to hear it but it's the fucking truth. I love Melissa and I love you too. Is it a fucking crime to love two people at once? I'm not fucking perfect, Candace. You know I'm not fucking perfect! I wish this could have fallen into place perfectly and I could have broken up with Melissa and been fine with it, but it didn't work out that way. Honestly, I'm glad that it didn't. If I broke up with Melissa and just forgot about her completely, then that would be pretty fucked up. I'm glad that I'm feeling kind of lost without her. At least I know that my feelings were real and I didn't waste a year of my life."

She stares at me as if I grew a second head. She is staring at me as though I am completely insane. I guess I don't really blame her.

"Okay, well if you love her so much then why don't you just go and get back with her. I'll stay out of your way and out of your life." She yells at me.

"Stop, Candace." I sigh, not even bothering to look over at her. She wants me to feed into this right now.

"No! If you love her so much, then go and be with her!" She yells.

"Okay, what about you and your ex? He's in Vancouver right now with Phoebe! He has been watching her for months! You're seriously telling me that you have no feelings for him anyone? You don't give a shit about him? You had to have loved him at least! Because I know you and you wouldn't let anyone watch Phoebe! Not just anyone, that is." I yell back.

"What the hell does he have to do with this? You don't hear me talking about him or calling him while I'm with you!" She yells just as loudly as I am. This is going to turn into a full blown screaming match if I'm not careful.

If we're being honest, it probably should turn into one. We've been nothing but bitter about this entire situation, whether it was spoken out loud or not. This needs to be settled one way or another.

"So you're telling me that you aren't talking to him at all? With him watching Phoebe? Very fucking unlikely, Candace. I'm sure you care about him. It would only make sense for you to care about him! Don't try and fucking lie about it!"

"Of course I do, but that's a different situation! This is a completely different situation!"

"Not really, Candace. You have things that need to be settled back from, and the same applies to me right now. This isn't something that is just going to happen over night. Melissa and I have things that have to be sorted out one way or another. I know you don't want to hear that, but this is the truth. We had a pretty fucking complex relationship. Yes, I broke it off with her but that doesn't mean that it's over. She has to move things out of my place and I have to do the same. I moved her onto my phone plan earlier this year and we'll have to find a way to settle all of that. Same with our bank account. Yes, we had one bank account that was a joint account. All of things can't be settled if we just ignore one another. I have to figure all of this out and have this go as smoothly as possible. I want to do all of this and still be with you. I also don't want to like, drag you through the mud. I'd rather just...walk carefully through it with you." I tell her.

This is true. All of this is true. I don't want to back away from Candace just because I'm going through this breakup with Melissa. At least what I am assuming our breakup is. I still want Candace to be here for me. Not only is all of this a lot for me to handle right now, I don't want to lose both of them. I wish there was a way for me to keep the two, but I know that is highly unlikely. I just want this to be as easy as I can make it.

Although, I'm making this pretty hard on myself right now.

"Okay." She sighs, looking out the window.

"Candace." I say, waiting for her to look at me.

"Hmm?" She hums in response.

"I love you, baby. I'm sorry this is all poor timing. I'm so sorry. I do love you, though. I'm going to find a way to make all of this work, I promise." I assure her.

"Okay." She sighs in reply.

I hate that I'm hurting her because I still have one foot in the door. The same goes to Melissa. I wish I could just work all of this out.