The Arrangement | Book 2 | Completed

32

I dodge all of Candace's questions when I get home about what had happened and why I was gone for so long. Truthfully, I don't even know where to begin. I'm exhausted and don't want to even think about the family drama I always get myself into.

Yet, this entire issue keeps me awake all night. As Candace is sleeping next to me, I roll over and stare at her sleeping body. I shouldn't complain about my family drama when Candace has dealt with much worse in her life. I should trust her and want to tell her about this kind of shit. She would surely understand everything that is going on, but it doesn't make it any easier to talk about.

"Candace." I whisper softly. She doesn't move a muscle. "Baby." I say, nudging her gently.

"Hmm?" She hums, flipping over the opposite direction.

"I can't sleep." I whisper, cuddling into her back. She sighs and turns her body towards mine.

She is barely awake when she says, "Are you sick?"

My heart fucking flutters when I hear her ask this. I swear, she was made with a mother mentality. I love it. I love her.

"No, I just can't sleep." I mumble.

She sits up and stretches her arms over her head with a yawn. I feel bad for waking her up instantly.

"What's going on?" She asks.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." She says, snuggling back down into the bed. She has herself propped up with her arm to face me, and I'm doing the same.

"Do you see yourself with me?" I ask her.

"Yes." She answers with no hesitation.

"Okay, but I mean do you see yourself with me in the future?"

"Yes." She repeats.

"Like married?" I ask with surprise.

"Of course. I mean, I hope so at least. I'm hoping that when all of this complicated shit is over and done, you'll still pick me at the end of the day. I hope for that every single day." She admits.

"Really?" I mumble.

"Yes."

"I hope I do, too." I tell her honestly. You would think that this answer would just be simple. You would think that because I want to be with her and she wants the same, that we could just snap our fingers and it's instantly possible. It's not that easy, though. Our relationship has never been that easy.

"There's potential that one or both of us will be hurt in this situation, though. I am hoping for the best in all of this because I want to be with you. I want to be the one who gets to keep you in the end of all of this." She whispers to me. It's taken my a moment to realize that the two of us are whispering, but I kind of like it. Something about all of this is calming.

"I think I've spent so much time on Melissa that I've just...lost myself in all of it. I love her and I always will, but I love you too. I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. I know the timing is shitty and everything. I just need to stop worrying about her and start worrying about me. I want this and I want you. I just don't want this to feel like I'm dragging you through the mud. I'd rather just walk gently through it with you." I whisper with a small laugh.

She laughs and nods in reply.

"I want to be selfish with you, Candace." I tell her.

"I want to be selfish with you, too." She promises.

"So...you think we'll get married, huh?" I tease. She shoves me gently but I use this to pull her closer to me.

"I do." She laughs.

"Think we'll have any kids?" I ask, genuinely wanting to know the answer.

"Probably not." She laughs in reply, causing my smile to fade slightly. She doesn't the change in the dark room.

"Why not?" I ask.

"I don't want any kids." She shrugs.

"Really? Not even one?" I ask.

"Nope. Not even one. I have Phoebe." She reminds me.

While this is true, I can't help but feel the disappointment over this confession. I was under the impression that Candace wanted to have kids of her own in the future. That was in the very beginning, though. Things are different now. Very different.

"I want kids." I confess quietly.

"Realistically, you wouldn't have time for kids, Matty." She tells me.

"What? Yes I would." I defend.

"How? Think about it, you're at the office every second of every day. I mean, even tonight you were at the office for almost three hours." She reminds me.

"Okay, but tonight was a very rare instance." I say, rolling my eyes.

"Okay, but still. With work and a baby, it would be nearly impossible." She shrugs.

"Frailey is handling it." I counter.

"Yeah, but Megan is a stay-at-home mom. Kyler knew someone had to be home."

"He was going to have her be a housewife, too. They didn't need to have a baby for him to want that. He doesn't want her working at all." It's true, too. Frailey absolutely hated every time Megan had a job. "I would feel the same way if we were to have a baby." I say honestly.

"You wouldn't want me to work?" She asks.

"Of course not. That isn't your responsibility." I scoff.

"I like to work." She tells me.

"I like that you like to work, baby. But, in the case scenario that we would have a baby, I would want you to stay home while I went to work. At least during the first year or so. I've read those horror stories about the parents who leave their kids in daycares. It's awful." I say, rolling onto my back.

"I would get too bored at the house all alone all day. I would hate it."

"You wouldn't be alone. You would be with our kids." I say, trying to get her to see all of this from my point of view. "I think we need to change the subject." I say with a slight laugh.

"I do, too." She sighs.

"I have to go to the office tomorrow to sit down and have a meeting with Evan. He's filing for the extension offered through MagMedia. We're going to have a Skype call, I guess. It's an odd hour for them, but they're working with us here." I tell her.

"Do you think he'll get approved?"

"I don't see why not. I want him to be with our company permanently. But, for the position I've given him while he is here, I don't have anything permanent."

"What position is that?" Candace asks.

"I'm basically training him the same way I was trained. So, he has an upper management position. He's doing everything me or Frailey do. So, giving him a permanent position would mean considering the option of a third partner in the company. Frailey hasn't even met him yet, and my dad would surely freak out over that."

"He could do it, though." She says in a sleepy voice. Not even a minute later, I hear her soft snores fill the room. She's out like a light.

"Goodnight, baby." I whisper and kiss the side of her head gently.

As I try to get comfortable enough to get to sleep, I can't seem to stop my mind from wandering back to the conversation at hand.

If I stay with Candace at the end of all of this, I'll be with the love of my life. But if I pick the love of my life over someone else, I will be agreeing to a life without a child of my own.

Ultimately, I don't think I can agree to a life without kids.