Insecure✅

Fifteen

   Johnny's P.O.V

A few month later...

We had finally moved into our new apartment and Kenzie has been acting weird. 

Whenever we talk it's quick. She always looks nervous; like someone is watching her. I don't get it though.

Today I'm coming home early. She's doesn't know. I just need to get things straight. Like what's the problem? And if I can help her?

On the way home I bought her a bouquet of flowers. I parked my car and unlocked the door.

No one was downstairs so I place the flower on a vase and went up stairs.

She's not in our room either. She's probably in the bathroom. I opened the door and there she was throwing up over the toilet with her fingers in her mouth.

"Kenz what the hell!?" I shouted and went and grabbed her to stop what she's doing.

"Stop no leave me alone!" She shouted struggling from my grip.

I threw her on the bed and she tried to get up and run but I caught her on time.

"Kenz what the hell are you doing? What's your problem?" I asked tearing up.

"Nothing okay! Just leave me alone."

"You really think I'm going to leave you alone after I see you throwing up on purpose?" I asked her. "Why?"

"Nothing's wrong." She shrugged. "I just didn't feel good and tried throwing up. Maybe I ate something bad. I don't know."

"No that's not it. I know you Kenz that's not the truth." I shook my head.

"Fine! I hate myself happy!? I hate my freaking body, my freaking face, my freaking arms, my freaking nose, my freaking thighs. Everything! I hate myself everywhere!! You happy now? That you finally got the truth? Yes! I've been throwing up because I eat and when you leave I throw it up. When you're not home I don't eat I tell you I ate dinner when I really don't." She screamed crying.

"Why?" I asked my voice breaking.

"I HATE everything about myself. Don't you get it.  Everything. So there isn't anything else to talk about I'll go cook dinner." She tried to go.

STOP SAYING ALL THIS CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF!! IF I had a wish it would be for you to see through my eyes. You'd see how I look at you. Gorgeous, beautiful, kind, no words can describe you more specifically how I feel about you!" I yelled at her.

"I-I hate myself.." She looked down crying harder.

"I'll make it stop you're beautiful. So so beautiful baby. Never question that. My love for you won't change. I don't give a damn how you look because that was an incredible bonus. Your personality, your kindness, just you by yourself that's what I fell in love with. Baby... I'd never lie to you. You mean so much more to me than a lie."

"I love you so much. So so much John." She choked out crying harder and harder.

"I love you more baby so much more than you think." I tell her rubbing her back and wiping her tears.

"Now let's go make dinner. Together." I tell her getting up and putting my hand out for her to hold.

She put a small smile on her face. "Okay."

••••••••••••••••

We ate dinner peacefully. Cooking together was amazing. When she would have her back to me I'd always go behind her and tickle her while I kiss her neck and whisper in her ear that she's amazing and that I love her.

Now we're cuddled up in bed watching a movie. I'm not even paying attention to the movie.

I hate myself for never noticing. How? I usually notice everything about her. Her hiding this hurts. Because she's been hurt for too long and I never realized. She doesn't deserve any of this she's too kind and beautiful and so much more.

My love for her will never die.

Hey loves!  So this chapter was supposed to go up on my 1 year on December 23rd but I had a huge writers block that I couldn't write.  Anyways so I'm going to do a quick appreciation here.

I'm so so so so thankful for all of you! I mean we hit 7.52k in 5 months! It's- it's crazy! And you guys made this happen!! You guys encourage me to keep on writing. Especially when you comment. I get comments and messages from people telling me how this book means so much to them. How it helps them know they aren't alone. You guys this book all Kenzie's insecurities are mine. I'm telling you. You aren't alone my messages are always open to everyone. Because everyone is beautiful in their own way. I know I know. I'm kind of being a hypocrite right now. But I can't help it I really do hate myself. But plwase talk to me because I've been told I'm good with talking to others about their feelings. So my messages are always open and I love you all thank you for enjoying this book and please continue reading it alot more things are coming that will take you by surprise in the future! So love you all bye loves!! Ooh and my book Numb is at its last chapter. The epilogue will be going up before the New years so be on the lookout for that!! 💕💕

Love- Zoey

Word count: 902